Diary of a Madman
Paradise Lost
Dear Diary,
Have you ever wondered if anyone is actually well...."up there"? If somebody is always there coordinating your every move? If so, then whoever is up there must enjoy fucking with my head. First my best friend kills himself, then my other best friend is found mutilated and cold-eyed dead. I still have nightmares from those dead eyes staring at me as the police tried desperately to elicit information from me, as if they thought I had murdered my best friend! What an awful world we live in.
Rebma and I haven't spoken in months...or well at least that's how it feels; I've been told that tomorrow will mark the one month of her leaving me. I honestly never thought any person had the power to basically drain me of my happiness and life. Sometimes I feel like I should join Aria and Jess, it would be nice, being reunited with my friends again. All it would take is a slit of the throat, a bullet through the head, being involved in a fatal car "accident". I guess it would just be me taking the coward's way out again.
I feel like Odysseus from the "Odyssey", as if I lost the paradise I once grasped so tightly within my hand, but I didn't wrong anyone, if there is anyone, up there, so what did I, an average teenager do to deserve all this sorrow? Perhaps it should make me stronger, but since when was an unwarranted exile required to create strength? Why can't I be like all those superstars and just "receive" power without a large amount of hard work?
I'm defenseless within my heart, or well, the place where my heart used to be. All those promises we made each other...I wonder if she still thinks about me as much as I think about her; if she still even remembers my name. I doubt she even cares. She's probably out in the world soaking in the sunshine and making some other guy as happy as she made me, whilst I remain in this hell-hole below my house (yes, we have a new basement) moping and crying, begging for her to come back to me. It's of no avail, she's given up on me, as I have on my myself, I hate this, because now, because of her, I'm just trapped in this darkness, surrounded by the diaries I write my thoughts upon every moment of the day.
From,
Alex
Have you ever wondered if anyone is actually well...."up there"? If somebody is always there coordinating your every move? If so, then whoever is up there must enjoy fucking with my head. First my best friend kills himself, then my other best friend is found mutilated and cold-eyed dead. I still have nightmares from those dead eyes staring at me as the police tried desperately to elicit information from me, as if they thought I had murdered my best friend! What an awful world we live in.
Rebma and I haven't spoken in months...or well at least that's how it feels; I've been told that tomorrow will mark the one month of her leaving me. I honestly never thought any person had the power to basically drain me of my happiness and life. Sometimes I feel like I should join Aria and Jess, it would be nice, being reunited with my friends again. All it would take is a slit of the throat, a bullet through the head, being involved in a fatal car "accident". I guess it would just be me taking the coward's way out again.
I feel like Odysseus from the "Odyssey", as if I lost the paradise I once grasped so tightly within my hand, but I didn't wrong anyone, if there is anyone, up there, so what did I, an average teenager do to deserve all this sorrow? Perhaps it should make me stronger, but since when was an unwarranted exile required to create strength? Why can't I be like all those superstars and just "receive" power without a large amount of hard work?
I'm defenseless within my heart, or well, the place where my heart used to be. All those promises we made each other...I wonder if she still thinks about me as much as I think about her; if she still even remembers my name. I doubt she even cares. She's probably out in the world soaking in the sunshine and making some other guy as happy as she made me, whilst I remain in this hell-hole below my house (yes, we have a new basement) moping and crying, begging for her to come back to me. It's of no avail, she's given up on me, as I have on my myself, I hate this, because now, because of her, I'm just trapped in this darkness, surrounded by the diaries I write my thoughts upon every moment of the day.
From,
Alex
♠ ♠ ♠
If you're wondering, the last 3 paragraphs are my actually emotions. I couldn't bear to write anymore because, to be quite frank, it hurt me just to type her name (or her name backwards)