You Can't Mend a Broken Heart

Do you ever have those days where you do nothing but reminisce? Do nothing but think about the things that have happened in the past? You sit there, and continuously ask yourself the same questions over and over again. Why did this happen to me? Where did everything go wrong? Today is one of those days for me. I’m sitting here, in my spacious new apartment in Chicago, thinking back to when I was at the tender age of seventeen. It was at the end of my senior year in California, the place I spent my childhood, that this haunting memory takes place. I was young, naïve, and in love. Or at least I thought I was in love.

Zachary Nathanial Kesler, the love of my life. My boyfriend of four years, my best friend for seven. I would like to say that it was love at first sight. The moment I laid my eyes on him, I knew that he was the one. Oh how wrong I was. He was the quarterback of the football team, ASB president, and in the top 10 of our senior class. I was senior class president and ranked number one in our senior class. We were known as the “power couple” of our school. Other couples envied us, always wanting what we had. Everyone thought that we would last forever. Hell, they even said that they wouldn’t be surprised if we got married right out of high school. Zach was absolutely perfect. We were perfect. But that just goes to show how stupid I really was. Nothing is ever perfect, and I learned that the hard way.

“Lauren, I have another study thing tonight with Kevin. He’s not doing so hot in Physics and he asked for help.” Zach said as he grabbed his things and threw his backpack over his broad shoulders. He laced his fingers with mine as we made our way out of my house and towards his car.

“Okay babe. Well, just text me when you get home. Or call….whatever!” I replied. Since the start of the school year he’s been going over to Kevin’s house, helping him with his homework and tutoring him.

“You know I will love, I always do.” He said, as we reached his car. He put his backpack in the passenger seat and closed the door. He turned towards me and gently cupped my cheek with his soft, smooth hands. He closed the gap between us and planted a soft, sweet kiss on my lips. “I love you Lo.”

“And I love you Zach. More than you’ll ever know.” I said, and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. I walked him over to the driver side of his car and watched as he got in. He rolled down the window and his car roared to life.

“Well, I’ll talk to you later baby!” Zach called out of his car window as he pulled out of the driveway. I stood there for a moment, and started to wonder how I got so lucky. How I managed to snag an amazing guy like him...”

Looking back on it now, I don’t know how I didn’t see the signs before. How could I have not seen through all of the lies he blatantly told me? It all comes down to one simple answer; one little conclusion that took me months to discover. I was too naïve to even believe that Zach would ever do something so horrible and unforgiving. I put him on this high pedestal, thinking that he would never commit such an act of deceit.

I got bored after watching re-runs of Roseanne. With Zach over at Kevin’s house, I felt the need to do something to better occupy my time. I decided to go to Samantha’s house. We haven’t really talked much in the past week, and I missed our late night gossip sessions. I grabbed my keys and headed out of the house. I didn’t even think to call Sam ahead of time to tell her that I was on my way. We’ve always had this thing where we randomly surprise each other, and I thought that this time was no different. As Sam’s house came into view, I noticed that Zach’s car was in the driveway. Didn’t he just tell me that he was going to Kevin’s? Why would he lie do me? What the hell is going on? There’s got be a perfect explanation for this. I parked behind Zach’s car and proceeded to get out of my car. I knocked on the front door and was greeted by Sam’s mom Cassie.

“Hey Lauren! Didn’t expect you here today. Does Sam know you’re here?” She asked. I shook my head.

“No, thought I would come and surprise her.”

“Oh! Well, she and Zach are up in her room. You can just go right on up.” She said, and she moved out of the doorway and let me into the house. I don’t know why, but I had this gut feeling that something was wrong, as I practically ran up the stairs. I stood in front of Sam’s closed bedroom door, and composed myself, trying to rid the bad thoughts that had begun to race through my mind. I threw open the door and my jaw dropped to the floor. I stared in disbelief at the sight in front of me. I couldn’t even comprehend what exactly was happening. Sam was lying on her back on the bed, and Zach was hovering over her. He repeatedly pushed his lips against hers, as they engaged in a sickening passionate kiss. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, and felt my heart slowly breaking. Once I finally came to realization that my boyfriend was cheating on me, I spoke up.

“H-How could you Zach?!?” I yelled, no longer able to hold back my tears. Zach instantly shot his head in my direction and his eyes, along with Sam’s, widened.

“It-It’s not what it looks like Lauren! I swear!” He pleaded. I violently shook my head in disgust.

“Not what it looks like? Zach you’re practically about to have sex with my best friend!” I screamed. I looked at Sam and she looked paler then a ghost. “And you!” I said pointing to her. “Why Sam? Why?”

“I’m sorry Lauren. I’m so sorry!” She cried, as tears started to make their way down her cheeks.

“How long Zach? How long has this been going on?” I demanded. Suddenly the gears began to turn in my head. All those study sessions he supposedly had with Kevin, were actually little make-out session with Sam. I felt the bile rising to my throat. This was too much to handle. I quickly turned on my heels and hopped down the stairs two at a time.

“Lauren! Please! Just hear me out!” Zach called from behind. I ignored him, and pushed past Cassie, who was standing at the bottom of the stairs, confused at the sudden commotion. Before I got the chance to open the front door, I felt someone grab my wrist. Rage built within me the second he touched me. I spun around and smacked him across the cheek as hard as I could. He released my wrist the moment my palm met his cheek.

“When you see me in class, don’t look at me. When you see me in the halls, don’t talk to me. Don’t call me or text me. Because you and me, we’re done!” I seethed as I ran out of Sam’s house, tears pouring from my eyes freely.

Samantha was supposed to be my best friend. She was practically my sister for crying out loud! She was pretty much there for me through thick and thin. That day I not only lost my boyfriend, but my best friend too. After I caught Zach and Sam together, the last couple of weeks of senior year were a blur. Of course, Zach’s cheating on me got out to the whole school and the news spread like wildfire. It was the biggest scandal to everyone else. To me, it was hell. The one person I thought I loved stabbed me in the back. He ripped my heart out, carelessly threw it on the ground, and stomped on it as if he were simply putting out a cigarette. Prom came and went. Then graduation. My valedictorian speech. And lastly Grad-Night. After graduation, I went off to Harvard for college and studied there until this past summer. Here I sit now, on my brand new couch, in my comfy new apartment. My life didn’t turn out the way I had expected it to be, back when I was seventeen. I’m not engaged or married like I thought I would be. I had my whole life planned out; my life with Zach. But things have definitely changed. I’ve changed.

Senior year is where everything went wrong; where my life drastically changed forever. At seventeen, I was carefree, outgoing, sarcastic, and witty. Now at twenty-five, I’m quiet, reserved, cautious, and forever heartbroken. No matter how hard I try or how many amazing guys I meet, I can never let myself fully trust anyone. It’s been eight years since I’ve last seen Zach and Samantha. Eight years since my heart was stomped into a million jagged pieces. It’s taken me eight years to finally realize that you can’t change the past, no matter how hard you try. It seems as though you can never win in this little game people tend to call Life. Just when you think you are finally starting to pick up the shattered pieces, someone comes along and puts you right back at square one. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this, it’s that you can’t mend a broken heart.