Status: Not so new anymore. Finally Finnished! Dyswidt? ;D
Passion's Killing Floor
In My Arms You Won't Sleep Safely
It was at lunch with Danni today, just Danni, no Ville or Mindy - they wre at a museum. Danni and I were at the sandwich shop we usually went to.
“You’ve really foun’ the perfect man. He likes you, he likes kids, puts up wit me,” she joked.
“Any man who will put up with you is a perfect one in your eyes. Speaking of men, how’s yours?” I took a bite of my sandwich while she thought.
“Well, he’s ‘bout to be really sad, or really ‘appy, because I’m breaking up wit ‘im. I’m tired of puttin’ up wit his crap.”
I nodded, eating more. I’d heard her plans for breaking up with him forever now. But now she’s finally putting her plans into action.
“So, I’m assuming you’re moving out?” I asked her.
“No, I’m kicking ‘im out. I pay for most of it anyway, so he can get the hell out of my house,” she said, her lips twitching as she tried not to smile. She finally burst and started giggling and I joined in finally glad she was going to do something to make her happy.
* * *
“And there were dinosure bones!” Mindy squealed, jumping on my lap. Ville and her were just walking in the door when I came to the floor, so she wanted to tell me all about the museum.
“It’s dinosaur, Mindy,” vile corrected her, but smiling widely as he watched her.
“Oh yeah, but it was still fun.”
She crawled off my lap and ran to her room- informing us she was going to tell her animals about the museum. Ville watched her go, smiling the whole time.
“You really got an attachment to Mindy.”
“She’s adorable, who couldn’t get attached to her?”
“True. So when do I get to search you on the internet?” I asked him, to be honest, I was growing very interested about all that was out there about him.
“You really want to know, don’t you?”
“Yes…”
He sighed deeply, “ I suppose you can but don’t look at anything without letting me see, yeah?”
“Promise, now come on,” I got up and grabbed his hand, dragging him to my room where my laptop was just waiting to be used.
We sat on the bed and I pulled my laptop on to my legs. I opened a browser and went to Google, it’s always right (psh, like hell).
“Um, I don’t know your last name…” I told him. He typed in his name; Ville Valo and hit enter. I went to images- mianly to see if there were any embarrassing photos on here. Ville turned away and picked at the sheets.
“I hate seeing myself on things…” he muttered.
“Oh Mr. Rockstar is modest, is he?”
“Sure. Really I see me everyday in the mirror. I don’t need to see it on the telly or internet. Pictures I don’t care to look at, just warn me if you read or watch something.”
“Will do,” I told him, clicking away at all the things Google had to offer about the man sitting next to me.
* * *
“Any position where I can see her face?” I read aloud, “Why is that?” I asked him.
He stayed quiet and I looked over at him, seeing his head down and cheeks red. “I thought it would have been obvious…” he mumbled.
“Oh it is, but I like embarrassing you,” I teased. “But really, why do you have a girl holding you on a collar?”
“The people told me to. It’s easier to agree than to fight. Little fuckers, but I wasn’t asked to do the bath. I do find them very fun. If you gave me like a rubber duck, I probably would have stayed in there longer,” he laughed.
“Like a five year old.”
“We’re all kids at heart, aren’t we?”
“Well you’re the horniest five year old I’ve ever met!,” I laughed; he joining in.
I’d spent hours looking at things about Ville with him, some of it was funny, some weird, but I learned more about him then he’d ever care to admit casually to me. I did learn a scary fact about his drinking- to the point his friend considered calling the ambulance. But he told me he went to rehab the very next day with a said ‘killer hangover and a liver in the shits’.
His talk about rehab reminded me of my experiences there, it did me worse than just getting over it on my own. They always wanted to poke and prod, get deep into things no matter how much you told them you didn’t want to talk about it. Ville asked me about it but I told him later. Now I was just hoping he’d forget. But my luck was non-existent and he did bring it up later when we were lounging on my bed, after Mindy went to sleep.
“Tell me,” he said simply.
I sighed, this was hard. I hated admitting to them about how much it hurt. “Well it started out when I was fifteen but I was never addicted then. I guess it started getting worse when my mum told me about my dad.”
He sat and listened watching me intently.
“My mum told me that she’d had my sister when she was thirteen, fourteen, and then had me three years later-with a different man. And she’d married my sisters father, when mine moved to America and never contacted her again. I never knew before so my sisters dad was still my dad; because he’d always been there like one should be. But I didn’t want to think that someone who’d hurt my mum helped make me.”
He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly but kept listening.
“But I knew it got really bad when I was about nineteen or twenty and my dad called me from jail. He called to ask for bail money because my mum refused. I thought that if I did he’d reconnect with me so I gave him the money. But he never talked to me and I felt awful. So it was drugs, pills, alcohol. Anything that could help. And then two years later he called again, to tell me he loved me and was sorry for everything. That was it, then I got a letter in the mail and I found out he’d been death sentenced and he wrote me a letter- I still have it.”
“What’d it say?”
“That he was sorry for leaving and not being in my life.”
“Mm… so you m missed him, that’s why it got so bad?”
“Yeah, but I finally got sober when Danni told me she’d leave and my mum was real sick, when she passed away, my dad followed but I kept sober. It was harder to deal with but I’m glad.”
He pulled me into a hug and my throat hurt from talking and choking back tears. I missed my mum and dad. They mean the world to me and of course it was hard. But I’m glad they could see me get better before going.
A mix of happiness and sad tears fell from my eyes as I sat in Ville’s arms with my head on his chest.
“You’ve really foun’ the perfect man. He likes you, he likes kids, puts up wit me,” she joked.
“Any man who will put up with you is a perfect one in your eyes. Speaking of men, how’s yours?” I took a bite of my sandwich while she thought.
“Well, he’s ‘bout to be really sad, or really ‘appy, because I’m breaking up wit ‘im. I’m tired of puttin’ up wit his crap.”
I nodded, eating more. I’d heard her plans for breaking up with him forever now. But now she’s finally putting her plans into action.
“So, I’m assuming you’re moving out?” I asked her.
“No, I’m kicking ‘im out. I pay for most of it anyway, so he can get the hell out of my house,” she said, her lips twitching as she tried not to smile. She finally burst and started giggling and I joined in finally glad she was going to do something to make her happy.
* * *
“And there were dinosure bones!” Mindy squealed, jumping on my lap. Ville and her were just walking in the door when I came to the floor, so she wanted to tell me all about the museum.
“It’s dinosaur, Mindy,” vile corrected her, but smiling widely as he watched her.
“Oh yeah, but it was still fun.”
She crawled off my lap and ran to her room- informing us she was going to tell her animals about the museum. Ville watched her go, smiling the whole time.
“You really got an attachment to Mindy.”
“She’s adorable, who couldn’t get attached to her?”
“True. So when do I get to search you on the internet?” I asked him, to be honest, I was growing very interested about all that was out there about him.
“You really want to know, don’t you?”
“Yes…”
He sighed deeply, “ I suppose you can but don’t look at anything without letting me see, yeah?”
“Promise, now come on,” I got up and grabbed his hand, dragging him to my room where my laptop was just waiting to be used.
We sat on the bed and I pulled my laptop on to my legs. I opened a browser and went to Google, it’s always right (psh, like hell).
“Um, I don’t know your last name…” I told him. He typed in his name; Ville Valo and hit enter. I went to images- mianly to see if there were any embarrassing photos on here. Ville turned away and picked at the sheets.
“I hate seeing myself on things…” he muttered.
“Oh Mr. Rockstar is modest, is he?”
“Sure. Really I see me everyday in the mirror. I don’t need to see it on the telly or internet. Pictures I don’t care to look at, just warn me if you read or watch something.”
“Will do,” I told him, clicking away at all the things Google had to offer about the man sitting next to me.
* * *
“Any position where I can see her face?” I read aloud, “Why is that?” I asked him.
He stayed quiet and I looked over at him, seeing his head down and cheeks red. “I thought it would have been obvious…” he mumbled.
“Oh it is, but I like embarrassing you,” I teased. “But really, why do you have a girl holding you on a collar?”
“The people told me to. It’s easier to agree than to fight. Little fuckers, but I wasn’t asked to do the bath. I do find them very fun. If you gave me like a rubber duck, I probably would have stayed in there longer,” he laughed.
“Like a five year old.”
“We’re all kids at heart, aren’t we?”
“Well you’re the horniest five year old I’ve ever met!,” I laughed; he joining in.
I’d spent hours looking at things about Ville with him, some of it was funny, some weird, but I learned more about him then he’d ever care to admit casually to me. I did learn a scary fact about his drinking- to the point his friend considered calling the ambulance. But he told me he went to rehab the very next day with a said ‘killer hangover and a liver in the shits’.
His talk about rehab reminded me of my experiences there, it did me worse than just getting over it on my own. They always wanted to poke and prod, get deep into things no matter how much you told them you didn’t want to talk about it. Ville asked me about it but I told him later. Now I was just hoping he’d forget. But my luck was non-existent and he did bring it up later when we were lounging on my bed, after Mindy went to sleep.
“Tell me,” he said simply.
I sighed, this was hard. I hated admitting to them about how much it hurt. “Well it started out when I was fifteen but I was never addicted then. I guess it started getting worse when my mum told me about my dad.”
He sat and listened watching me intently.
“My mum told me that she’d had my sister when she was thirteen, fourteen, and then had me three years later-with a different man. And she’d married my sisters father, when mine moved to America and never contacted her again. I never knew before so my sisters dad was still my dad; because he’d always been there like one should be. But I didn’t want to think that someone who’d hurt my mum helped make me.”
He squeezed my shoulder reassuringly but kept listening.
“But I knew it got really bad when I was about nineteen or twenty and my dad called me from jail. He called to ask for bail money because my mum refused. I thought that if I did he’d reconnect with me so I gave him the money. But he never talked to me and I felt awful. So it was drugs, pills, alcohol. Anything that could help. And then two years later he called again, to tell me he loved me and was sorry for everything. That was it, then I got a letter in the mail and I found out he’d been death sentenced and he wrote me a letter- I still have it.”
“What’d it say?”
“That he was sorry for leaving and not being in my life.”
“Mm… so you m missed him, that’s why it got so bad?”
“Yeah, but I finally got sober when Danni told me she’d leave and my mum was real sick, when she passed away, my dad followed but I kept sober. It was harder to deal with but I’m glad.”
He pulled me into a hug and my throat hurt from talking and choking back tears. I missed my mum and dad. They mean the world to me and of course it was hard. But I’m glad they could see me get better before going.
A mix of happiness and sad tears fell from my eyes as I sat in Ville’s arms with my head on his chest.