Passion's Killing Floor

Ville and I talked about his decision for us to go with him on tour some more over the morning. We came to a conclusion that I... well, move in with him. He said it would make things easier. So I wouldn't have to pay nine months of rent for a place I'm not staying in. Mindy loved the idea, naturally. And she was in a much better mood for someone who's.. you know what happened.

Ville was currently escorting me to the HUS Hospital that was in Helsinki to identify my sister and brother-in-law. I had a tight grip on his hand and it got even tighter as we got nearer and nearer to the hospital. My heart felt like it would beat right out of my chest and if we weren't in a car, I'd be hurling my guts out right now.

"Everything will be fine, Mary. Just keep calm," Ville told me, rubbing circles with his thumb on the back of my hand.

"I know it's just... I never thought in a million years I'd be doing this. Especially not with my sister. This sucks so bad right now."

"I know, but things will get better. I'd say right now is the hardest part but there's another thing I wanted to ask you... are you adopting Mindy?"

"Somehow, I knew you'd ask, but yeah. There's no one else in this family to. Or who would. Why do you ask?"

He stared out the window fora few minutes, before answering. "No reason. Just wondering..." he trailed off, but muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?"

He turned to me with a serious expression on his face, "Would you... put me down as.. the father on the paperwork?"

My mouth opened but no words came out. I didn't know what to tell him. "Um... is this what you want? I mean not just for her to be your daughter but with me?"

"Yes."

I was silent until we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and as soon as the car was stopped I all but jumped into Ville's lap. I took his face in my hands and kissed him hard on the mouth. He responded back eagerly, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck.

"What was that for?" he smirked, when we broke apart.

"Because I've never loved anyone as much as I do you right now."

"I love you too, more than any other girlfriend I've had but you already knew that."

He pecked my lips again, "We should head inside..."

"Yeah. I really don't want to do this, but-"

"You've got to," he grabbed my hand and squeezed,"I'll be with you there the whole time."

The inside of the hospital smelt strongly of ammonia, it made my eyes water and my nose sting. It was better, less strong, when we got in to the lift but not by much. My stomach did back-flips the closer we got to the floor. When at last, the lift dinged and the doors lid open, I got light headed and felt sick. Not budging one bit, Ville tugged on my hand and held the doors open.

"Ville, I can't do this," I cried, tears building in my eyes. He removed his hand and let the doors shut, pulling me in to him and wrapping his arms around me.

"Shh. I told you this is the hardest part, right now, love. You can get through this, I'll be right there and I'm not going anywhere, I won't make you do this by yourself."

The lift went down to the main floor, a load of people getting on. Ville pressed our floors' button again and up we went. This time when the doors opened, I went out slowly. Ville led me down the halls and talked to the receptionist for me.

"Take a seat over there, you'll be called in a minute."

We sat where she pointed in those squeaky, uncomfortable chairs, with nothing but magazines from years ago to read. Ville rubbed his hand along my back soothingly the whole wait, then a small lady popped out the door and called my name.

"Oh god," I muttered, allowing Ville to help me up.

She led us to a small room at the end of the hall, where she had us take a seat in more uncomfortable chairs. She adjusted some paper work on the table, then reached over to flip on the monitor.

Sara and Michael's faces appeared before me. They had no life, no colour, they were beaten and bruised looking. Their eyelids and lips already sewn together.

"Is this Sara and Michael?" she asked, monotone.

All I could do was nod, my mouth was dry and a sizable lump formed in my throat.

The lady flipped off the monitor and scribbled something down on her papers, asking me to sign something. I picked up the pen with shaky fingers, putting down my personal scrawl. She smiled and thanked us, as if nothing was wrong. Of course, nothing was wrong in her life, she did this everyday.

She left the room, leaving the door open for us. I felt like a fool for even wanting to cry again, because it seems that's all I've been doing for the past couple of days. But I couldn't help it, seeing my family right there the only family I had left, dead on a table, killed me.

Ville sat on the desk in front of me, hands on my shoulders. He rubbed the tears from under my eyes with his fingers.

"Hey. It'll be okay, you know what'll make you feel better?"

"Sex," I muttered.

He tried to hold in his laughter, "I was going to say ice-cream but if you want that."

"But you don't like dairy," I let out a watery, giggle.

He grinned and kissed my forehead, "No I don't and I'm not one for ice-cream, but, it does make you feel better. Promise. Or chocolate. I love chocolate," he said, dramatically.

I giggled again, "Oh god are you sure you're not gay?"

"I'm pretty positive I'm not."

"Your attempt to cheer me up has worked... Thank you."

"No problem. Too many tears for an angel. She wouldn't want to see you like this. Come on, let's go home before Danni has a conniption," he grinned, grabbing my hands and pulling me up.