Emotionless

“Are you nervous?” Zacky whispered from behind me, his breath tickling my ear as I shivered involuntarily. I could feel him smirking with his face close to the side of mine, his chest pressed against my back as I traced the rim of my beer bottle. There were butterflies in my stomach, knotting and lurching uncomfortably as I blushed a bright crimson and reminded him of personal space. I wasn’t allowing him to think he had an effect on me. “You are, ain’t yah? If you fuck up, you’ll get booed off the stage and your music career will plummet down to the burning pits of hell.” There was a glint of joking in Zacky’s green eyes as he sat next to me on a bar stool, raising his bottle to his lips.

“One: there’s no such thing as hell unless you class hospitals. And two: I am not nervous.” I shot him a glare which he only replied with a smirk. Damnit, foundation never has managed to cover up blushes. Sweeping my black hair over one shoulder, I stared down at the beer bottle nervously. The club behind me was slowly filling with excited people, all shouting and laughing as they grabbed their drinks. There was a group of guys on a stag night, all wearing stupid clothes and having the groom in a bride’s veil. It was quite funny.

“You contradict yourself a lot, huh?” I stared at Zacky as if he’d just slammed a bucket of worms on the table and told me to eat them. “You say you’re not cold the other night, and I still haven’t seen that hoody. And now you’re saying that you’re not nervous when it’s obvious you are because your hands are shaking.” Zacky smiled smugly as I rolled my eyes. Shaking my head, I took another deep gulp of the beer and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

A hand brushed the small of my back, causing me to turn my head in the opposite direction of Zacky to see River grinning widely as he leaned against the bar. I smiled, tossing the empty bottle into the bin I could see over the counter and beckoning Lucy, the blonde barmaid he was talking to the other night, over to get me another drink. She wasn’t much to look at, aside from the huge fuckin’ breasts and lips that screamed Botox. But, then again, most Orange County girls are like that. “Get me a Jack ‘n’ Coke, please, love.” I smiled brightly at her grinning facade. Lucy turned away and began on my drink.

“Right, you’re up at nine. So, until then, you can party like its high school,” River explained as I smirked. Staring off into space, I remembered that wonderful night after graduation when Ayden and I ran around the football pitch throwing water balloons at each other. Ah, good times. Oh, and that concert we threw with the two of us MCing with Pippa on stage. “Hello? Earth calling Kiwi Kannibal.” There was a hand waving in front of my face, reminding me of reality as I turned to see that Lucy had stood my drink on the bar. Thanking her softly, I put the straw between my lips and took a huge gulp. River rolled his eyes.

That was when the thought of Ayden crept into my mind again. Gulping slightly, I stared down at the drink and wondered what it was like to die. My fingers shook as they traced the rim of the glass, a lump in my throat as I ran through the last ever conversation we’d had. It was before he was going to leave for college. I remember it like it was yesterday. The way his fingers tangled in my hair and ran down to the very tip, the icy metallic feeling of the bonnet of his Chevy under my spine as we stared up at the sky, even the way his chest moved slowly up and down under my fingers.

“Are you scared about college?” I asked quietly, lifting my head up slightly to see him chewing his lower lip in thought. Ayden threw me a smile, turning onto his side and running his fingertips in circles over my stomach as I giggled slightly. I tossed onto my side, too, watching his eyes intently and following the scar from his eye socket to his jaw line. It ran in a haphazard pink line where the blade had sunk deeper.

“No. I’m not afraid of anything,” he replied smugly. I rolled my eyes, prodding him in the chest as he chuckled. Moving some of his black hair from his eyes, I smiled softly at him as he smiled back. “You know I love you, right?” I giggled at that. He was always telling me that, only as friends though. That’s all we ever were and ever would be.

“And you know I love you, too,” I recited. Ayden laughed gently and pulled me closer to him. The windscreen wiper dug into my side, but I didn’t care. I could smell the cologne on his body; I could almost taste the cigarettes he stole from Pippa on his leather jacket that was cool against my skin. “I’m gonna miss you so much.”

And then, he kissed me…

Someone dumped a hat on my head and suddenly, Pippa’s long arms were around my stomach with her chin on my shoulder. I giggled, turning my head to kiss her cheek. We never really cared what people thought, I always kissed people that meant everything to me on the cheek. Pippa was swaying, taking me with her as she sang ‘Keep Your Hands Off My Girl’ loudly which made me laugh loudly. River called Lucy over and asked her to give Pippa a drink on the house because we were special. Lucy shot my best friend a sour glance when she thought we weren’t looking, turning away to get a Bacardi from the fridge.

Punching Zacky in the leg lazily, I smiled innocently. “So, Ducky,” I sang. You see, when we were in hospital, I decided on a nickname for him. It was a random moment when I saw a toy duck in the little store where they sold really nice pastries. “You plannin’ on getting some loovin’?” I asked him. Zacky’s face puckered into one of thought until he smirked at me, bending his head down so that his lips were close to my ear. Pressing a soft kiss against the skin, I felt myself melting with my eyes closing. I was damned glad River had left with Pippa to see the others.

“Maybe, if you’re a good girl.”

I felt my breath hitch in my throat.