Emotionless

‘I just don’t understand,’ I whispered as we sat down on the edge of the pool, swinging my legs to and fro. The bandage around my leg was gone, showing off the disgusting stitches that laced along my flesh. My mind travelled back to that day, the way he held me close when he carried me to the hospital, how he never let go of my hand and looked me dead in the eyes when I was in pain. The ghost of his thumb rubbed against my hand as I looked down at it, tracing my finger over the tanned skin slowly as my aunt took a sip of her smoothie. ‘Why would he not tell me? And why would I allow myself to fall like that?’

Layla thought for a long moment, her hand resting on mine that was laying flat on the sodden ground below us. Sunshine bore down on us from above, causing the sunshine to trickle through the water like diamonds being splashed around. ‘When you find that special person, you just don’t think about your actions. All you care about is the two of you and staying together,’ Layla finally murmured, tucking some of my layers behind a heavily pierced ear slowly as I sighed and rubbed my forehead with my free hand. ‘Don’t let them say you ain’t beautiful, they can all get fucked, just stay true to you.’ Layla’s singing caused me to smile.

Silence enveloped us slowly, the sound of slow trickles from the waterfall like area near us the only thing that managed to seep through the quiet. Clouds hung over head like cotton buds, watching me as if they were waiting for my next string of words. I looked up, lying down on my back to get a better view of them. The blue sky was being covered in a chicken pox style, clouds dusting across the calmness of the horizon slowly. I didn’t know why I ran away. I didn’t know myself at the moment. I never allow people in like I’ve allowed Zacky. It might have been slow progress, but I allowed him to see my in my most vulnerable state. Why can’t life be simpler, like the recipe for blueberry muffins?

I giggled at the memories of yesterday’s events. Layla looked over at me, asking what had tickled my bone before sipping at the disgusting green slop she thought was a smoothie. It looked more like the stuff you get at the bottom of a pool if you don’t clean it with sufficient chlorine, or the fungi you get on the rocks at the beach. ‘Nothing, just thinking of something Pippa said the other day,’ I lied through my teeth, picking up my own smoothie and taking a gulp as Layla shook her head. ‘Aunt Layla.’ Blue eyes looked up with curiosity, asking me silently for what I was going to say. ‘C-can I stay with you for a couple of days? You know, just until things have cooled off a little bit?’

‘Of course, baby-doll, I’ll just change the sheets in the spare room for you again. And nip round to Pippa’s to grab some stuff, okay?’ I nodded, winding my arms tight around the tall woman. Layla chuckled, rubbing my almost bare back slowly as she rested a chin on my shoulder. ‘Come on, we’ll go get your stuff and order in, sound good?’ Grinning widely, I stood from the side of the pool and threw on my denim shorts I’d borrowed off her before sliding into the converses I was wearing yesterday as we wandered back into the house to get her car keys.

The house was oddly full of noise when I wandered inside, the hum of Layla’s car up the road causing me to smile as I knew she would always be there for me. ‘Pippa, are you here?’ I called aloud, hearing a loud squeak and footsteps running towards the door. My blonde haired best friend was stood in the hallway, embracing me quickly. She seemed nervous and jittery, as if she didn’t really want me in the house or something. ‘I’m just here to grab some stuff and then I’m going out again. I won’t be back for a couple of days, so don’t worry.’ Pippa frowned, asking me where I was going quickly before noticing the purple mark on my neck.

‘Oh, I see.’ Pippa smirked, motioning a hand to my hickey. I scowled, shaking my head a no before running up the stairs quickly. ‘These came for you yesterday, there’s a note but I don’t know who the hell brought them,’ Pippa called as she chased after me, bursting into my bedroom as I grabbed my suitcase and began to throw everything inside. Her hands produced a plate of blueberry muffins with a bow on top along with a note written in neat black handwriting. Shoving them away from me, I turned around and began to toss more clothes into the suitcase before wandering into my en-suite.

I stared at the mirror for a moment, examining how pained my eyes seemed. My hair was tied back from my face, showing off the shallowness of my cheeks and the smoothness of the skin that had been treated beyond recognition yesterday. The bite mark on the side of my neck was large, turning a tinge of purple-red and growing in diameter. My eyes couldn’t be taken away from the bruise; they lingered there like a bad smell for a few seconds before I collected my thoughts. The blueberry muffins, that’s right. Thinking for a long moment, I debated on keeping them and giving him the satisfaction of melting me with memories.

‘Throw them in the bin,’ I yelled from the bathroom, collecting all my wash things and stuffing them into a separate bag before dumping them in the suitcase along with a collection of hats. ‘And if I ever get anymore, just… keep them for yourself. And if anyone asks where I’ve gone, I’m at a friend’s place.’ Pippa frowned, staring down at the note that had been wedged between the plate and a muffin. It hadn’t been signed, but there were little doodles along the edges as if someone were nervous about writing the note. Sighing, she told me to at least read the note. Snatching it from the plate, I sat down on the bed and read it for her amusement.

Your cheeks are red, and blueberries are blue. I might have fucked up, but I think I love you.