Emotionless

Excitement was bursting in my veins, exploding with every step closer to Pippa’s house I took. My flight left in three hours, leaving me enough time to say my goodbyes to everyone and get to the airport on time. There was talking in the living room when I dropped my house keys on the side table in the hallway. I’d told Molly and Pippa over the phone last night about my departure, telling them everything from the date to the offer to write a book in New York. They seemed sort of excited for me, though I could hear the apprehension in their voices.

Taking a deep breath, I walked into the living room with Iain right behind me holding my hand for support. His thumb rubbed against my hand soothingly, a silent promise that he was going to be right behind me the whole way. Molly was sat on Matt’s lap with a bottle of beer in her hand, causing my eyebrow to arch at her which earned a shrug until she realised it was me and jumped from the sofa to attack me in a hug. Chuckling, I let go of Iain’s hand and rubbed my best friend’s back softly. Pippa wandered into the room with a sad smile, joining in the cuddle in the centre of the room almost immediately.

‘I can’t believe I’m not going to see you for eighteen months. It’s so damned scary, I can’t believe you’re going to New York and I’m going on tour and I don’t wanna go!’ Pippa sobbed, holding me as close as she could. I sighed, holding both my friends within my arms for the last time before I left. ‘Oh God, I can’t believe this. I’m loosing my baby,’ Pippa whined, wiping her eyes as Molly and I laughed hysterically through our tears. There were footsteps coming in from the kitchen, a tired looking Zacky wandering into the room with little Holly jumping down from his hip and wrapping her arms around my legs.

Ruffling her hair, I bent down and kissed her cheek, telling her to be a good girl for her Daddy. She nodded and scampered away to sit with Matt and Brian on the sofa as Zacky looked up at me and chewed his lip. ‘Just came to say goodbye,’ he mumbled nervously, shoving his hands in his pocket. ‘Can I talk to you outside?’ I looked behind me to Iain, asking him with my eyes if it was okay. He nodded, smiling gently as he urged me to go with his hand on the small of my back. Sighing, I followed Zacky out towards the garden and allowed the warm sunshine to sparkle down on me from above.

He shut the French windows for some privacy, standing in front of me as I leaned against the wall and stared at anything besides him. His green eyes glimmered in the light, pained as he waited for me to acknowledge him in some way. When I said nothing, he opened his mouth to speak. ‘I know you don’t love him,’ he spoke, referring to Iain who was still inside waiting for me. Before I could retort something, he held his hand up and told me to let him speak. I fell silent. ‘You don’t. It’s obvious. You don’t smile like you did around me, and he can’t make you blush like I did. Just tell me. Tell me you don’t love me and mean it.’

‘Shut up! Shut your fucking mouth. I don’t love you. I never loved you; you were merely a fixation of lust from being a rock star!’ I exclaimed, throwing my hands into the air. ‘Look, why can’t you get that into your brain? You have a family now, and I have Iain. Just be happy with what you have and stop trying to get what you just can’t have?’ Zacky stared at me for a long moment, backing me against the wall with one arm blocking my exit. His face was so close to mine I could taste his breath melding with mine as I tried to regain the oxygen levels in my lungs.

‘Because I love you. And I want you to be happy. Being with Iain isn’t going to make you happy, I know that for sure. Everyone can see it. You’re just going to be another notch on his bed post, whereas with me; I would never do anything to hurt you.’ His words beat against my lips softly, drawing nearer to me with each sentence. I swallowed hard on non-existent air, willing for him to stop reading me like a book. Every word he spoke was true, but I just didn’t want to believe him. His green eyes stared down into my blue ones, challenging me to tell him he was wrong. ‘Stay with me. Let me show you how a woman should be treated. Let me love you like no other man could.’

Shaking my head a no, looked down at me feet. ‘It’s too late, Zacky. Just, make sure the guys look after Molly and Pippa for me. I have to leave.’ I tried to duck under his arm but he took my waist and slammed me into the wall, holding me there so I couldn’t escape from him. ‘I can’t do this. Maybe, a few weeks ago, but not now. Not after everything that’s happened,’ I mumbled though it was useless. His lips suddenly moulded with mine just like the last time, burning my lips and holding me captive against his every move. I didn’t dare struggle, merely allowed my body to melt against him. His skin was tender against mine, sensitive to each movement that made my heartbeat accelerate.

When he finally let go of my lips, our breathing was ragged and uneven. We were silent for a long minute, staring at one another. Not a word was spoken; there were no words to describe how we felt right now. The sky overhead watched on, waiting for our next move as clouds eagerly moved forwards to glance at us. Birds sung and chirped in the trees, encouraging us to say something that would only take us deeper into this hole we’d dug ourselves. I didn’t know what to do. My whole body shook and shuddered, scolding under the glaze of emerald that covered me like glue. That was when my thoughts returned to me and I pulled away. ‘Maybe next time, Zacky. Maybe.’

At that moment, I knew it was only the beginning of a whirlwind that was yet to unravel when we both returned to Huntington Beach…