Confessions From My Dead Mother

The crowd was already leaving and had thinned down to a few jocks and cheerleaders. It had been our best game of the season and with our win tonight we were going to state. Here in Brighton Beach that was a big thing and the victory party was getting ready to start and all the popular kids were headed there now.In a beach side town as small as ours the after game party was the only place to be. Of course some of us, namely me, was running behind as usual. I still had to change out of my cheerleading uniform and stash it and my pompoms in my locker.

I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted to just forgo changing so that Stace wouldn't start bugging me for making us late. I guess she must have been thinking the same thing cause before I could even make up my mind I heard her.

" You can come back to earth now Cat, anytime would be good." Stace said rolling her big brown eyes at me.

"Huh, what? Oh, sorry, I was just trying to figure out if I needed to change before I put my pompoms up." I replied with a shake of my head knowing where this conversation was heading.

" I'm not changing so you don't need to and you can leave your pompoms here in the gym. Its not like anyone will bother them." she whined at me as she took off at warp speed heading for the exit and my car.

"Sheesh Stace, wait up it's not like the booze won't be there five minutes from now. I have to stash my pompoms in my locker."

"Don't be so sure about that, you know the jocks drink anything they can get their hands on. They'll be primed for tonight seeing as how they'll be going to state after that win."

" Yeah, yeah, I know but I can't leave my pompoms here either, unlike you I don't have seventy dollars to replace mine with every time I leave them somewhere." I told Stace in an exasperated tone.

Stacey Bolton is my best friend in the whole world but sometimes she can really annoy me. Tonight just happens to be one of those nights. I knew beyond a doubt if I didn't stash my stuff that it wouldn't be here when I got back on Monday so I figured I could compromise. I figured my boyfriend Spence could give her a ride since he was already headed that way. That way I could change and not have to worry about her pouting the whole time.

" Why don't you catch a ride with Spence to the party? He won't mind having someone to talk to on the ride over. You know he needs to gloat about his victory and that way I can change and stash my stuff. Plus, I really need to swing by my house and pick up some stuff for the rest of the weekend and let Sissy out." I told her as I slung my book bag over my shoulder.

" You, sure. You know I'll wait if you want."

I knew the sound in her voice, she was hoping I didn't mind and honestly I didn't.

" No, I don't mind a bit. Go ahead and catch up to Spence before he leaves and tell him I'll be there in an hour and a half tops, k."

"Sure thing and I'll see you at the party." She said this while flouncing off down the hall.

I rolled my eyes at her back and headed for the girls locker room. I opened my book bag and grabbed my jean skirt and ankle tights out along with my cute pink sweater and ballet flats. I changed my clothes, grabbed my books, and stashed my cheerleading stuff in my locker and headed for my car. I'll admit I was really looking forward to the party tonight. I didn't mind being late to it though cause the jock parties often lasted into the morning hours anyways. I smiled to myself as I headed for my car in the parking lot. I tossed my book bag into the backseat and headed for home.

I pulled into the drive twenty minutes later. I hopped out and headed up the front walk. I could already hear Sissy barking. As, soon as the door was open she bounded out in need of time to potty. I hurried in the house to my room and started grabbing extra clothes and make up for the weekend at Stace's house. I still had to feed Sissy and leave my dad a note just in case him and my step mom decided to return from their trip early.

I got everything together and left Sissy enough food until Sunday. I went out through the kitchen so that I could leave the note on the fridge. I was heading out the door when I remembered to open Sissy's doggie door. I hurried and moved the latch to the open position , I definitely didn't want to spend two days away without Sissy being able to go outside to the bathroom. All together it only took me about fifteen minutes to get ready to leave. I was actually going to make it to the party a little bit early.

I locked up the house and headed around to the front towards my car when my cell rang. I pulled it out of my back pocket and looked at the caller I. D.. It was my mom. A small smile curved my lips as I answered the phone.

" Hey, mom." I said answering my phone.

"Hey, sweetheart. I just thought I would call and check on you while your dad's out of town" she said sounding a little sad.

"I'm good mom. I'm getting ready to head to the after game party tonight.. So, what did you do tonight mom? I didn't see you at the game. I said hoping that may be she had had a date for a change and not another Friday night alone. I hadn't really expected her to come to the game and watch me cheer though, she hadn't been to a game since just before her and dad's separation.

" Oh, you know me sweetheart, nothing much just curled up on the couch with a good book." She said and I could hear unshed tears in her voice.

"You know you could come spend the weekend with me honey if you wanted to. May be have some mother daughter bonding time." Those words came out like a plea.

I really didn't want to hurt her feelings but I couldn't spend the weekend with her. For one I had already promised Stace that I was going to spend the weekend with her. Not to mention that since the divorce spending time with mom just depressed me. She was always so sad. I hated to let her down but I just couldn't deal with her tonight.

' I can't mom, I promised Stace I would spend the weekend with her. Her mom is out of town with Spence's dad and you know how she doesn't like to be by herself." I told Mom trying to sound like I was disappointed about it.

" Well, that's okay honey maybe next weekend,' she said sounding hopeful.

" Sure mom. But I gotta go I'm already running late." I replied hoping she didn't catch the lie in my voice.

"Okay, bye sweetie, I'll talk to you later." She sounded so sad as she said that.
Before her sadness could make me change my mind I said, "Bye, mom, love you." as I hung up. I really didn't want to hear her say anything else.

I tried to put my mom out of my mind as I headed for the party. I pulled up about twenty minutes later. It took me fifteen minutes just to find a spot to park my car where hopefully one of the drunken teenagers wouldn't hit it. I mean I just got the car for my birthday and definitely didn't want some idiot hitting it, I mean hello it was after all a brand new Pontiac Solstice. I hopped out of my car heading towards the open door. I was still a little late but I figured I would hunt up Spence and Stace and see who else had decided to join tonight's festivities.

There were so many people there that you couldn't move through the crowd without bumping someone. I looked around for Stace and Spence but didn't see them anywhere. I checked al l the usual places. The music was blaring when I spotted Chase trying to talk up Britt, one of the sophomore cheerleaders. I made my way over to him. He was a really cute guy with light brown hair, baby blue eyes, and dimples. He was also Stace's ex and Spence's best friend. I hurried as he waved at me.

" Hey, have you seen Spence or Stace?" I asked as I got close enough for him to hear me.

" No, Spence hasn't made it yet and I thought Stace was riding with you.' He said as he slipped Britt a piece of paper with his number on it.

" You know me I was running late and Stace didn't want to wait so I told her to ride over with Spence." I told him looking over the party goers to see if they had made it yet.

" I guess they're just running behind may be they had car trouble. Have you tried their cells? He asked.

"No, honestly I haven't thought about it but it has been over an hour since they left school to head over here." I said pulling out my cell hoping everything was okay and that they weren't broke down.

I tried Spence's phone first and didn't get an answer and then I tried Stace's but still no answer. Both calls went straight to voicemail. So I left Stace a voicemail asking her where they were at . I felt something picking at the back of my mind but I pushed it to the side. I grabbed Chase's arm and asked him if he wanted to dance while we waited. He said sure. As we made our way out to the dance floor a slow song started playing one I didn't recognize so Chase pulled me close so we could dance. While we were dancing he started talking to me keeping his head close to my ear so I could hear what he was saying.

"I wonder where there at." He said into my ear. "It seems to me they should have been here a long time ago."

"They probably had to stop off by Stace's or his house or something I hope they didn't break down.' I said into his ear.

"Is that really what you think?" he asked breathing on my ear sending chills down my spine.

" You are such a jerk" I hissed into his ear as he pulled me closer. This was the very reason him and Stace had broken up. He had been accusing her of Spence weeks before they had ever broken up.

" You know they would never do something like that. They're just really good friends. You know that ever since Stace's Mom started dating Spence's dad that they've became close." I replied feeling the steam in my words as that little pull in the back of my mind tugged a little harder.

" I'm just saying something doesn't feel right about it to me. May be you're just to naïve to see it for yourself unlike me. I have seen it personally, up close. He said as he turned me to face the door.

The last part had came out as a whisper like he didn't mean for me to hear it. I tried to ask him what he meant when I looked up at the door to see Spence and Stace walking in and felt him tense and walk off. I couldn't believe how jealous he was. Even though his words had really pissed me off I felt a smile brighten my face as I look up at Spence who was sauntering over to me. God, he was so hot . Yeah my boyfriend is prime material. He's six feet one with a super hot bod, with muscles that ripple everywhere. His messy black hair, green eyes, and full kissable lips only added to the package and what a package that was. As, he made his way over I could see his mischievous grin, the one that showed his dimples, the one he always wore whenever he had done something bad and knew he had gotten away with it. We had been dating since the Fourth of July and in those four months I had gotten to know that look extremely well.

" I know that look buddy what have you done ?" I asked teasing him as he came close enough to wrap his arms around me.

" Nothing just swung by the house to shower and change, I forgot my spare clothes at home so I couldn't change after the game." He said as he leaned down to kiss me. His lips touched mine in a soft lingering kiss. Something was off about the way he kissed me as if he was holding something back and I caught a drift of Stace's perfume. I couldn't help it when I blurted out.

" Is that the real reason you and Stace are late or have you two been up to something else? I can smell Stace's perfume all over you." The question came out as an accusation.

Spence's cheeks turned red in anger as he replied " Stace road in my car and squirted that shit she wears all over her and my car. That's why I smell like her. I can't believe you're acting just like Chase."

" Well what would you think if you were in my shoes? I questioned as I looked into his eyes searching for the truth.

" I'm sorry." He said. "I know this is weird for you with me and Stace spending so much time together and you're right I do have something to tell you."

I could feel my face go white as he looked at me. "What do you have to tell me?" I stammered out knowing that somehow this couldn't be good news.

" Cat, please don't look at me like that it's not what you think." He whispered into my ear as he pulled me close. "Can we go somewhere private and talk about this I don't want to tell you with everyone standing here listening?"

I shrugged my shoulders "Sure." I didn't want the whole school to hear what was going on so going some place alone where we could talk was a pretty good idea.

We looked around and decided to head upstairs to see if we could find an empty room where we could talk in private. This was Chase's house so I knew his mom and dads room would be empty. That was the one rule for partying at his place. No one was to go into his parents room. I tugged Spence's hand and pulled him into the bedroom and over to the bed.
" So what is it ? I asked. If it's not what I think then you need to explain what's really going on."

" Well you know how Stace's mom and my dad are dating and how they were supposed to be gone this weekend."

" Yeah.' I nodded.

"Well when we got to my house so I could shower and change they were there and let me tell you seeing my dad going at it with Stace's mom isn't something I want to see again. Anyways seeing as how we walked in on them they decided to break the news that they're getting married. We had to hang around and talk about it for a few with the parentals you know how that goes. But anyways they're getting married and we're all moving in together." He hurriedly told me.

My faced turned pink " I'm so sorry I guess Chases' paranoia has rubbed off on me. "

"Stace and I are going to be step brother and stepsister so ewe no I don't think I want to be sleepin with her." He said as he pulled me close "But you on the other hand" he said as he moved my hair back tucking it behind my ear and kissing my neck. He left his sentence trailing as he seductively arched and eyebrow at me.

Oh my God I mentally kicked myself. How could I not see this happening. That was what the look was about. I should have known nothing was going on between him am and Stace. I looked up at him and wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled his lips down to mine kissing him deeply.

"I'm so sorry.' I whispered between kisses and started nibbling on his full lower lip.

I felt his hand reach the hem of my sweater and slowly tug it upwards. I could feel his hand on my stomach trailing small circles around my belly button. He left my lips to kiss my cheek moving until he found my ear. I felt my arms pull him closer leaning us both on the bed. I felt his hand move upwards to cup my breast in his hand and I moaned moving my lips to his throat. He nibbled at my ear as he tugged my sweater up only leaving my ear long enough to pull my sweater over my head. I could feel tiny jolts of pleasure rippling over my entire body.

Somehow we had moved until we were both laying on the bed kissing each other. I tugged at his t- shirt. Pulling it over his head so that I could trail my hands over his chest and stomach. God he had the sexiest stomach I had ever seen. I felt his leg move between mine nudging them apart so that he was cradled in between them. I could feel his hardness pressing against me. He lifted me up enough to reach behind me and unsnap my bra. He pulled it off on one swift motion. He kissed his way from my neck to my left breast taking it into his mouth. My nipples were already hard and so sensitive that as he slid his tongue over it I moaned his name.

I felt my hand moving downwards between us. I moved my fingers slowly towards the button of his jeans and unsnapped them. I slid my hand over his bulge and heard him moan my name.
"God, Caterina. " He moaned. " You know your forgiven." He whispered huskily in my ear.

I knew having sex probably wasn't the answer to fixing my jealous fit but hey it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Our breathing had become panting and I felt him tug at my skirt pulling it and my tights down my hips. I lifted myself up so he could finish pulling them off. Even though we had made out pretty heavy in the past we had never went this far. I saw his face turn pink as he moved back up the bed looking at me. I was laying there in nothing but a pair of bright pink boy shorts.

" You are so beautiful." The words came out as a hushed whisper as he crushed his lips back to mine.

I felt his had move down to my inner thigh. Slowly tracing circle with his fingers. He slid his hand upwards and dipped his fingers beneath my panties. I felt my lips part and my mind go blank as foreign sensations took my body over. Somewhere a voice deep inside my mind was telling me " You know this isn't the answer." I ignored it as I felt his fingers move inside me. My fingers gripped his shoulders and I moaned out his name. I was so lost in sensation that I didn't even realize he had completely removed my underwear and his pants. We were both naked as he positioned his body between my legs.

I felt his hardness press against me looking for entrance into my body. Then I felt him stiffen as he said.

" You know I've never done this before." His face blushed bright red.

Wow, I would have never believed it before but as I looked up at his face all I could see was his nervousness.

" If you don't want to I can wait." He said blushing even more.

It was so adorable and sexy to see him blushing like that. I mean he knew I was still a virgin everyone knew and here he was naked with me and he wasn't even trying to con me into having sex with him. He wasn't being pushy and it made me want him even more.

" I do want to." I said breathily as I pulled his lips down to mine for another kiss.

He pushed against me again as he kissed me and I felt my body give as he pushed inside me. The pain brought me to my senses. I couldn't believe what I was doing. Not at a party of all places. This wasn't how I imagined losing my virginity. I opened my mouth to tell him to stop but he just covered it with his lips silencing my protest.

"Shsh, it'll only hurt for a minute." He moaned against my lips as he continued to rock his hips against mine.

I opened my lips again to protest but he was kissing me again. every time I tried to speak he was cutting me off with is lips. I tried to push him away but he was to big. He kept moving so slowly and as the pain ebbed I felt my body responding. Moans slowly started coming from me. I felt myself start to move against him meeting his thrusts. Our bodies were moving fluidly together. I couldn't believe how good he felt inside me. I almost screamed out his name as a burning started to build in my stomach but he silenced me with his lips.

"God, you feel so good. You're so tight .' He moaned against my lips.

"Spence, I moaned as I felt myself give over to the first orgasm I had ever had.

I felt him push against me as he let his own orgasm take over. We lay there holding each other for a while before either of us spoke. Finally, Spence spoke,

" You, okay. I tried not to hurt you."

I smiled up at him. "It only hurt for a minute. I tried to tell you to stop but you kept kissing me but once the pain stopped I didn't want you to."

" I just want you to know that, I love you," he said as he placed a kiss on my bare shoulder.

My breathe caught. I cared deeply for Spence but I wasn't in love with him. I mean we had only been dating for four months.

" Spence, you know I care about you." I said.
He just put a finger to my lip and said.

" I know you're not ready to say you love me yet but I just wanted you to know how I feel. Besides you may not be completely in love with me yet but you will be."

We were still laying there when the door flew open. Dam we had forgot to lock it. I looked up to see Chase barge in dragging Stace in behind him. He was pulling at her clothes and she was pulling back at his. I grabbed the covers to try to hide my unclothed state whenever they looked up and seen us. I saw a look pass between Chase and Spence. I saw a strange look flash in Stace's eyes but it was gone in an instant as she looked over and saw Spence. I thought I saw anger in her expression until I heard her words.

" Oh. My. God. Cat finally did it ." She said as she giggled giving me a thumbs up before she spoke again. "You two need to get dressed and join the rest of the party Chase and I have some making up to do and we need this room."

They turned around so we could put our clothes on. Once we were dressed I looked over at Chase and saw the smile on his lips.

" I guess you two made up then.' I said smiling.

"Yeah, Stace told me everything about their parents getting married. I feel like such a jerk." The last comment was aimed towards Spence.

Spence grinned over at him, " not a problem I'm a guy so I completely get what you're thinking."

"Okay, we've all made up so could you guys leave now. I really need to show Chase how much I've missed him." Stace said as she ushered us out the door.

As we headed back downstairs I took notice of all the kids who were completely trashed. With parties like this I was glad that Spence and I were sober. It was beginning to look like Spence and I had double d duty tonight, but at least if we volunteered to be designated drivers some of our friends might not get in to much trouble with their parentals. Thank God I hadn't decided to drink anything.

I started trying to figure out how many of my friends and fellow cheerleaders were among the inebriated. I realized that a good half of the junior class was here as well as almost everyone of the seniors well everyone who held any popularity. That;s why I was a little surprised to see Mary Beth Anders headed my way. I so did not need this tonight. As my former best friend we didn't click so well now. She just couldn't handle the fact that I was popular and she wasn't. I tried to move away but it did me no good she caught my arm saying,

"We need to talk."

" M. B. what do you want?" I questioned annoyance clear in my voice.

"Don't call me M.B. you lost that right when you ditched me for the airheads. I just wanted to warn you that Cole Blake is headed here looking for you. I wanted to let you know before he showed up, cause from what he said at the dinner I take it you two aren't broken up and it could cause a nasty situation with Spence. Just thought I would warn before you had some public humiliation that might mar your I'm high and mighty rep." With those words she stalked off to leave.

I tried to stop her " Are you sure he's headed here?"

"Yeppers, just talked to him," she said looking back at me. " I really don't have a clue as to why I care but I just figured I would give you a heads up. Look, I have to go this place isn't really my scene. I sure wouldn't want you to be seen talking to me considering it might make you look bad among the popular people," she used air quotations when she said popular and she turned and headed for the door.

I know my face was a mask of confusion. I mean why would she be helping me. She wasn't even on my radar anymore. I mean it was bad enough that she would talk to me in public but showing up here was something I knew she would never do after I humiliated her at the last party she had had the nerve to show up at. I still couldn't believe she was warning me about Cole. I was still trying to puzzle this out when a voice from behind me spoke.

" Caterina Marshall, you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent."

I spun around " What the hell do you mean I'm under arrest?"

Another voice spoke and my mouth fell open.

" Your under arrest for not inviting me."

" Cole." I screamed flinging myself into his arms.

" Looking good as always, Cat."

" What the hell are you doing here? I thought you said you had midterms and couldn't come in and what's with the cop outfit it's so not Halloween. You could have given half the kids here heart attacks."

"I wrapped up midterms early and I had to come see my best girl and the outfit well let's just say that Mike thought it would be funny since no one here knows him and might actually believe he's a cop. I mean you believed it for a minute." He said as he leaned down to kiss me.

I moved away.

" Is something wrong?" He asked looking confused because I had moved away from his kiss.

As I moved away a thousand thought flitted through my head. Oh, my God. My night just got complicated. Cole was my ex boyfriend only I hadn't exactly managed to get around to the ex part. I had planned on breaking up with him after he moved last year. I just hadn't managed it yet.

I mean he was great and super hot. He wasn't as tall as Spence but he was built just as good with blonde hair and these incredible ice blue eyes. His lips were even better than Spence's. We had been dating since the sumer before we were freshmen. It was okay when we were still in school together. Actually it was better than okay, I wasn't in love with him but I had been headed there.

He was the greatest but then his parent had decided to move to the city. They talked about it for months before the move. I knew the day would come but when it did it hit me hard. He was moving and we wouldn't get to see each other plus they were going to send him to some private boarding school where from what I had heard was party central and full of sluts. I figured he would have broken up with me by now but he hadn't as of yet. I had planned on breaking up with him before thanksgiving but I still hadn't managed it.

When he left for school over the summer I started dating Spence who happened to think that Cole and I had broken up. I had planned on breaking up with him but couldn't even after I had been given proof that less than a month after moving he was cheating on me. I just couldn't, he would call me almost every night and we would talk for hours. He would write me letters and I don't mean e-mail, I mean the handwritten kind. I kept hoping that somehow we could make it work. I just couldn't break up with him.

He had wanted to come see me twice while he was on breaks from classes. I couldn't let him come here so I would always go up to his campus to see him. I would make excuses to Spence saying I had to go up the coast and spend time with my mom. I cared about both of them but with Spence I had someone here that hadn't cheated on me.

Behind me I heard Spence " What's he doing here?"

I was so busted. I wanted to run. How was I going to explain them to each other. Well, shit, shit ,shit, what was I going to do? I had to figure out something and fast. I didn't want the whole school to hear my little secret not that they all wouldn't be gossiping about it on Monday anyways but still I didn't want my dirty laundry aired here.

" I already know what's going on here." Cole bellowed in anger. " I'm out." He said as he stalked to the front door talking to the guy who had came with him.

It took me a second but I recognized the guy as Cole's roommate. He looked different than I remembered from the couple of times I had met him but I recognized his voice.

" Man , I told you there was something up with her. May be now you'll believe me when I say you can't trust a fucking cheerleader."

I distinctly got the feeling that he didn't like me too much not that I could blame him. I was jerked from those thoughts as I heard Spence speaking to me. From the sound of his voice and the way his face was calm, no one would have guessed he was upset.

" Cat, What was Cole doing here?"

The only thing that gave away what he was truly feeling was the look in his eyes. In his eyes I could see anger but most evident was hurt.

" It's not what you think, Spence. Can we go somewhere private and talk?' I said using his words from earlier.

I guess the old saying is true. If you don't cheat you don't suspect and I guess I had been suspecting because I was the one cheating.

" I don't think so Cat. I think I need to do what Cole did and leave so I'm outta here."

I knew I had screwed up. The only thing was I still wanted both of them and somehow I was going to keep both of them. I just had to figure out how. Depression hit me at the thought. I just needed to give them time to calm down and while they were doing that I was going to try to have fun. I saw one of the football players who sometimes hung out with Spence and grabbed him.

"Hey, Bobby how about grabbing me a drink and keeping me company since I don't seem to have any at the moment." I said to him trying to make myself sound upbeat.

"Hell, yeah!" He said grinning at me.

I spent the rest of the night getting plastered and dancing with Bobby. He was actually pretty fun and kept my mind off things. I even let him kiss me.