Confessions From My Dead Mother

The bright white light was blinding me. I couldn’t see anything other than it. It felt like it was searing my eyes. I tried to scream but a low muffled moan was all I could get out of my throat and past my lips. My throat felt sore and dry and so did my mouth like I hadn’t drank anything for days. The light moved away and a figure slowly came into focus.

“ I see you’ve finally decided to return to the land of the living.” The figure spoke and I recognized him in that instant. It was Dr. Moore Bobby’s dad.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered.

“ You’ve been out of it for almost a week you dad was worried.”

“Could I have some water?” I croaked out because I could barely speak my throat and mouth were so parched.

“ In just a minute I need to get your vitals and let your dad know you’re awake first.”

“Kay.” I said feeling like my throat was on fire.

Dr. Moore checked all my vitals and went to get my dad. I sat there wondering how long I had been out. I could remember voices while I was surrounded by blackness. It was dad and Mae Ling arguing mostly. I couldn’t really figure out what they were talking about. I felt like hell my whole body was stiff and sore like it hadn’t been moved for a decade or two. I wondered how long I had been out. It was obvious it had been for a while. I tried to stretch my muscles and get out of bed but my dad came through the door carrying a glass of water, Mae was right behind him.

“ How are you feeling sweetheart?” He asked it while reaching me the water.

“ Sore and stiff.”

“Dr. Moore said that was to be expected considering how long you’ve been out.”

I gulped the water down, it felt wonderful against my throat. That was until it hit my stomach and I felt like throwing up. My stomach was rolling and clenching.

“You okay, I can go get the Dr. before he leaves,” my dads expression looked worried.

“ No, I’m fine just drank to much to quick.”

“ You sure?”

“ Yeah I’m good. How long was I out?”
“ Five days, it’s Wednesday. Did you have a nice little nap? You had us worried sick.” Mae Ling snapped at me.

“Now Mae, Leave her alone you know this wasn’t her fault so be nice.”

“Fine,” she pouted while getting up, “I’ll be downstairs if you need me Rich.”

“Why does she hate me?” I asked dad feeling like I would cry.

“ She doesn’t hate you she just doesn’t understand you that’s all.”

I had been hearing that ever since they had got together. She didn’t like me and I knew it so did dad he just wouldn’t admit it to himself. She had told me once when he wasn’t around that she loved my dad but I wasn’t supposed to be part of the deal, then she asked me why I didn’t just go live with my mom and quit ruining their lives. I had never told dad this because it would hurt him even if he believed me.

“Dad, what happened?”

“ You blacked out after talking to the cops about your mom and you been semi comatose for the last five days.”

“No I get that but what I mean is what happened to mom?”

“Sweetheart, let’s just get you better then we’ll talk about it.”

“No dad I need the truth to know it wasn’t all just some horrible night mare.”

“Well, your mom, she,” his voice broke, “committed suicide.”

“ I know dad, I know.” I said tears brimming my eyes and spilling over onto my cheeks.

“She didn’t leave a note as to why she did it other than the letter to you.”

“How did, did she do it?” I asked sobs slurring my voice.

“We don’t know nothing showed up at the autopsy, Dr. Alexander says it looks like natural causes and that’s what she put on the death certificate.”

We talked about more for a long while. Sometime later, Mae brought us up some soup and sandwiches and just left us in peace to talk. We talked about the good times and the bad, about how neurotic mom could be sometimes. We talked about her funeral which was going to be the next day. Then the day after that about going to meet her lawyer because I had missed my appointment on Monday. It was dark outside before I knew it and I felt myself begin to yawn.

“You’d think after all that sleeping I’ve done I wouldn’t be tired but I guess I am.” I said stifling another yawn.
“ I’ll go and let you get some sleep tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

“Nite dad.”
“Nite Cat, Sweet dreams.” He said as he gently closed my door.

I fell asleep and didn’t dream at all. When I woke up to bright sunshine pouring through my window, I really wanted to believe it had all been a dream it felt like one. We went to the funeral which was so surreal to me that I felt like I was Alice and had just fallen down the rabbit hole. I just didn’t know how to think or react. I was in full zombie mode. That’s how I would come to think of myself later.

I don’t really remember much of anything. We went to the lawyers office that Friday. I inherited everything of my mom’s including the house on the coast and a hefty life insurance policy. They were going to deny payment because of the letter but Dr. Alexander’s natural causes on the death certificate put a stop to that. I missed two weeks of school because of the funeral and just needing to try to get myself together. I hadn’t forgotten about the party because thanks to Stace and Spence’s betrayal I had no one to call and talk to about everything. I was sinking into depression and the events that followed the depression only made it worse.