Confessions From My Dead Mother

After missing two weeks of school then being out for Christmas break. I was nervous on my return. As I pulled into the school parking lot I saw all the usual people standing about talking. I got the distinct feeling they were talking about me. I knew they were when I noticed how many were pointing in my direction and whispering like they were afraid I might hear something. I felt my face flush red. Why would they feel the need to talk about me.

I got out of my car and instead of joining the masses out-front I headed on in to the school. I really didn’t feel a need to know what they were saying about me. I didn’t want to be the one of the pitied just because my mom died. I made a beeline straight for my locker. As I was opening my combination lock I could feel stares boring holes into my back. I ignored it. I grabbed my books out of my locker for first period and turned around and nearly collided with Stace. She shoved her long blond hair over her shoulder and looked at me with her big brown eyes filled with menace. I just stared at her still not believing what she had done to me.

“Walk Much.” She said with a sneer on her lips as she pushed me to the side and headed for her own locker with Spence in tow.

“That was rude I mumbled under my breath,” as I headed for the office. I found Principal Garner waiting for me in her office. I had to make up my midterms and all my other assignments so that I could pass my classes from last semester. I admit I was kind of worried because with our block schedules I didn’t know for sure if I would be able to make up all the work and keep my grades up in my new classes for this semester.

“Cat,” Miss Garner spoke her red hair bouncing as she moved towards me, “ I’m sorry to hear about your mom.

“Thanks,” I said because it was all I could think to say.

“ I know these recent events have gotten you behind so your teachers and I have decided to try and help you out.”

“ I know I have to make up all the missed assignments and my tests.” I said knowing that the two weeks of homework assignments was going to be the worst.

“ Well there is that but we also have to take your attendance grade into perspective.”

I had forgotten about the attendance grade it went towards twenty percent of our final grade for the semester, unless the absences were excused and all work was made up. I was really worried now because they would only excuse three days for a funeral.

“I know I missed more than what was allowed for the funeral but I was semi comatose for five days three of them were days I missed school.”
“ We know and we also understand about your mom that’s why we aren’t going to let the attendance policy affect your grades.”

“Thank you,” I stammered out.

“But,” she said. I knew there had to be a but, “there’s also two weeks worth of homework and your semester finals.

“ I know I’ll make all of it up if you’ll just give me a couple weeks.” I said hoping she would at least give me two weeks.

“We know you’ll make it up you’re and honor student that’s why we aren’t going to make you do any of the missed class assignments, you’ll be graded on what you’ve already done and the grades from your finals. For now you’ll be given an incomplete fro each class and then as you take your finals you’ll be given your grade.”

“Thank you, so much.”

“ Don’t be to thankful yet there are a few stipulations to this deal; First off you only have until the end of the month to complete all of your finals, second if you score poorly on any of them then you’ll have to make up the missed assignments in order to pass, and third you’ll have to maintain all assignments assigned to you this semester and make decent grades on them. Does this sound reasonable to you?”

“Yes maim.” I said with relief.

“ Good now here’s your schedule for this semester and your study guides for the missed tests now get to your first period class before you’re late.” she said shooing me out of her office.

I looked at my schedule seeing I had German first period. Great that would be just my luck. I headed for class trying to figure out how I had gotten stuck with German for first period. When I registered for this semester it was supposes to be fifth period. Oh well I guess that’s what happens when you miss the last two weeks of a semester. I found my class without any problem. I took my seat waiting for the torture that was German to begin.

When Mrs. Vance arrived I had to go get a book from her. They had given out books for this semester at the end of the last one so I hadn’t gotten any of my books yet. She handed me a book and asked if I had a English German dictionary already. I shook my head and she handed me one to borrow until I could get my own. As I took my seat again I heard the whispers begin.

“Yeah her mom died that’s why she wasn’t here.”

“I figured she was just to embarrassed cause she got dumped for Stacey.”

“I thought Stacey and her were like best friends.”

“That’s what I thought to but apparently Cat was cheating on Spence a bunch and she slept with Chase behind Stacey’s back.”

“ Oh, hadn’t heard about that.”

“ I also heard rumors that she was sleeping with a bunch of different guys.”

“Hey, shouldn’t you guys find something better to talk about her mom just died it’s not very nice.”

“ I heard her mom killed herself.”

The whispers went on and on until finally Mrs. Vance spoke up and said,

“Be quiet please.”

Everyone hushed then but only because Mrs. Vance was notorious when it came to correcting her class. The rest of class passed by without anymore whispering. The bell rang letting us know class was over and I headed back to my locker. I noticed it as soon as I got within sight written in blood red across the front of my locker was the word Whore. I couldn’t believe it. I turned and bellowed.

“ Who did this?”

No one would answer me, I heard snickering and a few comments about it being the truth. I was ready to start screaming at them when Stace came over. She looked like she was ready to start a fight and I could hear some of the guys giving her cat calls but that was probably over how she was dressed. She was wearing skinny jeans that road low on her hips and made her legs look a mile longer than they already were and a sweater that wouldn’t stop the cold but pushed her boobs up and out so that they looked huge. Her pouty lips began to move and I snapped out of my assessment of her.

“Oh, come on Cat, Don’t looked so shocked. I mean you know people recognize a whore when they see one. They just happened to spell it out that’s all.”

I knew she was the one who wrote it but I had no proof. I felt my anger rise up but I squashed it down before I spoke.

“Really, then how come it isn’t written on your locker too?” I asked somehow sounding normal as I turned and opened my locker and taking out some tissues to wipe away the obscenity.

“Oh, just so you know, you might want to hand your pompoms in because after this year you won’t be captain anymore I will be, the girls and I have already voted on it and any who don’t agree can be replaced.”

I didn’t say anything to her as I finished wiping away the red word on my locker. It had been written with lipstick. I put my books away and headed for my next class. The rest of the morning passed pretty much the same way. People were talking about my mom and about me. Some people were actually nice about it; but the majority of the people I used to consider friends just talked plain bad about me. They gave me the cold shoulder whenever I would try to talk to them. Finally lunch rolled around and I headed for the commons.

People were still talking about me. I had lost my appetite not that I had had much to begin with. I was trying to find someone familiar that I could talk to but everywhere I looked people were pointing and talking about me. I felt tears threatening my vision so I turned trying to find someplace to hide when I felt a hand close on my arm.

“Welcome to hell Cat,” Chase said, “They turn on you quickly don’t they.”

“ Yeah I guess they do.”

“You know they’re going around saying we slept together and that’s how Stacey and Spence ended up together.”

“I heard, Why didn’t you tell them it was a lie?” I asked as I watched people stare at us.

“Tried to no one would believe me.”

“Oh, and I’m sorry bout your mom. People are talking about that to and Cat some of it ain’t real nice.”

“What do you mean?” I asked not really wanting to hear the answer.

“Well, they’re saying she killed herself and that you caused it.”

“That. Is. A. Lie.” I said through clenched teeth.

“I know but Stacey went around telling people about how you were mean to her and how your Dad left her for a younger woman, just all kinds of stuff that she shouldn’t be saying.”

“Oh God. This is so wrong.”

I had to change the subject so I asked Chase, “What about you? I mean aren’t you worried about what they’re saying about you?”

“ I was but after they got me kicked off the football team no one really wants to hang with me anymore so what‘s the point.”

“I’m sorry this is my fault.”

“No it’s their’s,” he said pointing to Spence and Stace “ look I gotta go I just thought I would check on you for a minute.”

He walked off and I found myself alone once again. I tossed my food and headed for the library. At least I could study with no one around to distract me anymore.

After lunch the rest of my classes went pretty much the same way. By the time school was out I had heard so many rumors about me I was beginning to believe them. I had learned one thing though one and that was that popularity is overrated. The people who you think are your friends are just waiting to throw you to the lions and when they do it’s never pretty.

I got in my car and headed home but I never made it, somehow I had driven to my mom’s little cottage. I found myself opening the door and throwing my books down on the coffee table before I flung myself onto the couch. It was then that I finally let all the tears, the hurt, and the pain wash over and out of me.

I sat there for hours crying, before I even knew what was happening I felt myself fall asleep. It was a dreamless peace filled slumber. I could have slept like that for eternity but the shrill ringing of the phone woke me up. I picked up the receiver without even checking the caller I.D. first.

“Hello,” I mumbled.

“Cat, thank God your alright,” came my dad’s over anxious voice.

“I’m fine dad, just needed to be alone for a while and ended up here.”

“Do you know what time it is you had me and Mae worried sick?”

“No, I must have fallen asleep.”

“It’s after ten o clock at night.”

“I’m sorry dad do you want me to come home?”

“Yeah it would be nice.” Sarcasm was clear in his voice. Great he was pissed at me.

“Give me a minute,” I whimpered and I’ll head home.

“Honey you okay?” his voiced had softened.

“Not really school was real bad today.”

“What do you mean?”

I told him about the whole horrible day and about the party and Stace and Spence. It all just tumbled out. It felt good to get it all out to someone. Then I told him about how they were talking about mom and the divorce and me being a bad daughter. I was crying by the time I finished.

“I wondered why you hadn’t talked to any of your friends over break,” there was a pause before he spoke again, “ I’ll go have a talk with Miss Garner in the morning hun.”

“ Don’t dad that’ll just make things worse, I’ll be alright. You know how gossip is give them a couple weeks and everything will be back to normal.” I could hear the doubt in my voice and hoped that he didn’t.

“If you’re sure then will give it some time then hun.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said this knowing that it was a lie nothing would ever be normal again, “Dad could I stay here tonight, please.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea hun with everything’s that’s happened.”

“Dad, I’ll be fine I just need to be close to mom tonight.” I said this seeing the truth in my words. I came here to be close to her. She always made everything better when I was down and depressed, that’s why I came here instead of going home where I wasn’t entirely wanted. I had always been wanted here.

“I guess but if you need us call okay.”

“I will dad I promise.”

“One more thing sweetie, I have to be out of town for a few days I have to leave tomorrow. Mae wants to come with me but I told her we couldn’t leave you alone so she’ll be staying.”

I did not want Mae to stay. We didn’t get along and I knew she would be trashing me and mom like she always did whenever she had to stay with me while dad was gone.

“Um dad, she can go if she wants. I really think I need to spend some time up here going through mom’s things.”

“Cat you’re only seventeen, I can’t leave you behind by yourself.”

“Please dad, I’ve stayed alone before.”

“Your mom was alive before and close enough to get to you if something happened.”

“Please dad I need this just trust me please.” The words came out as begging.

“I guess I can but please don’t get into any trouble while we’re away.”

“I won’t dad, I promise.”

“Okay, Night Cat.”

“Night, dad,” I said as I hung up the phone.

I curled up on the couch feeling the first little bit of peace I had felt in weeks and drifted back to sleep and as I slept I dreamed.