Confessions From My Dead Mother

The darkness swallowed me, but it didn't feel like sleep. When you sleep even during nightmares your body and mind shut out the outside world. I could still hear outside noises but I couldn't respond to them. I wasn't asleep but this definitely was a semi dream like state, I was dreaming yet I was awake. "How odd," I thought to myself as I followed my waking dream.

I was surrounded by blackness that swirled and changed like fog. The darkness wasn't complete, slowly my eyes began to adjust as I gave myself over to the dream. I was walking on a path covered in autumn leaves that were crunching beneath my feet. I was in the middle of a dense wood. As I walked I could feel a faint breeze on my skin and smell damp earth. The place was silent other than the noises I was making. I could hear my breathing, it was a steady in and out of breath. It was chilly in my dream because as I breathed I could see every breath I exhaled, white fog against blackness. The further I moved into the woods the better my eyes adjusted to where I was.

The path veered sharply to my right as I continued down it. Something didn't feel right. I looked around me and I could see light to my left. I started to move away from the path so I could find the source of light.

"Stay on the path." The wind whispered to me.
There was something frightening in those words and when I looked back to my left the light seemed to be shifting and changing as if it were alive. It was beckoning me to it.

"Come, child, come to meeeee, come ssssssssstay." The light seemed to be saying or hissing to be accurate.

My hairs stood up on the back of my neck, whatever the light was it wasn't good. I felt my body whirl. Frantically, I began running down the path to my right. I wanted to get away from the eerie light and it's hissing voice. Something grabbed my ankle dragging me to the ground. I screamed but my voice had no sound. I started kicking at whatever had me and I felt a sharp claw like something stab into the bottom of my foot.

I jerked my ankle free, as I did I heard the faint sound of a tree limb breaking. I looked down and saw that it was only a limb that had caught me and I was barefoot.
My foot was bleeding and it hurt. I didn't think you were supposed to be able to feel pain in your dreams, I guess I was wrong. I picked myself up and began limping down the path again. I could hear a slight hissing behind me now. The hissing was getting closer, I began to run as fast as I could. My breathing turned to panting and without ever looking back I felt something reaching for me.

The faster I ran the closer the hissing came I could feel a bone shattering cold creeping up behind me. I knew that whatever it was it was going to get me. I couldn't outrun it no matter how fast I ran. I mean even if I had Edwards speed in Twilight it still wouldn't be fast enough. As I was losing hope my body burst forward into a clearing.

"Noooooooooooooo," The hissing seemed to scream behind me.
I ran all the way to the middle of the clearing before I stopped. I would have kept running to get away from the thing that was chasing me but in the middle of the clearing stood my mother brown and auburn hair swirling about her face that was covered by moonlight. She looked like a fairy standing there in the moonlight in a long flowing gown that shimmered like pearls.

"Mom?' I asked.

" You shouldn't be here, Cat. Why are you here?" The voice was sweet but filled with anger all the same.

That was definitely my mom. No one and I mean no one could sound so sweet and innocent and still let you feel the anger like her. I cringed thinking of her being angry at me. She spoke again.

"Well? Are you going to answer me Caterina?"

" I, I don't know," I stammered looking at her. " I think I'm dreaming."

" This isn't a place of dreams, you don't belong here."

" No offense Mom but you don't either. Are you real?"

" In a sense yes I am Cat, but not in the way your thinking."

" Why did you die?" I asked knowing this conversation was getting weirder by the minute.

" You don't need to worry about that, I just had to go, I couldn't be there anymore it hurt to much."

Her voice broke on those words and I could see the hurt, anger, and betrayal in her eyes. I felt my heart break for her. My tears found me again even in my dreams. I was crying for her pain and for my loss.

" Don't be sad sweetie, it had to be this way. Please stop crying." She pleaded. " I have things I need to tell you and I need you to listen."

The stern motherly tone was back in her voice. I used to hate it when she took that tone with me but now it brought a smile to my lips. I was smiling through my tears.

" There's my girl. Now listen there isn't much time and this place isn't safe for the living. What's done is done and there isn't anything you can do about it. I need you to understand that. Things are going to start changing for you and there are some things you're going to have to face on your own. Sometimes you will think you're going to break and you'll try to give in. You can't, you must not give up. I gave up a long time ago and didn't see it happening until it was to late. You were the only thing that held me together for the longest time but sometimes even that isn't enough. Right now I need you to hold it together for me."

" I don't understand this, What do you mean? Is something bad going to happen? Please tell me what's going on." I begged my mom sobbing.

" Just promise me you'll be strong for me and let me have a look at that foot its bleeding."

I sat down on the ground while she sat and took my foot in her lap.

" I promise mom, I promise that I'll try and hold it together." I whispered as she looked my foot over.

"Well we need a bandage and don't have one so we'll have to make do with something else."

She was talking to me like she used to when I was little and had a boo boo I needed her to kiss and make better. I saw her reach for the hem of the long flowing gown she was wearing and rip a piece of it off. She used it to bind my foot and as she finished she lifted it to her lips and kissed it saying,

"All better now."

It was just like when I was a kid. I couldn't help but smile up at her as she rose to her feet.

" It's time fore you to go sweetheart."

I didn't want to go I wanted to stay with her. I loved her so much and couldn't believe the brat I had been to her lately. I couldn't stop myself from remembering avoiding her because she was so sad, I could have seen her any time I wanted. Now she was gone and I wasn't going to see her again. The sadness welled up in me it was ripping me apart.

" Don't think like that sweetie. I know it was to hard for you to be around me."

" I want to stay with you."

" You can't stay here with me, it's not a place that is kind to the living. There are things here that would hurt you."

With those words the hissing came back.

" You must go now but you can't go back the way you came there are bad things there."

She grabbed my hand and we were flying upwards into the sky. We were headed for the moon that was above us. As we became covered in the light I felt the softness of a bed form beneath me.

" You must remember the past always repeats itself." She whispered in my ears as I felt myself come awake.

I shook my head as I came awake taking in my surroundings. I was in the living room at mom's cottage. As I took in the familiar surroundings I could feel bits of my dream fading from my memories. I tried to hold on to the dream but I could only remember bits and pieces. I slipped out of my bed and winced as my foot hit the floor. I looked down to see my foot wrapped in some kind of cloth. I reached down to touch it and my dream came flooding back, only now I knew it hadn't been a dream at all.

Thoughts began whirling in my head. She was trying to warn me of something if only I could figure out what. I started thinking back over the letter she had wrote and our last conversation. It was all so confusing to me. I just couldn't figure it out. A few things were clear to me though, my mom's letter had been right.

I was confused even a little scared. I had no idea what was going to happen or what I was going to do. My world was going to be different and I had no idea how that was going to affect me. The only things I knew for sure was that my mom was dead, she had committed suicide, and that I had talked to her ghost. It was either that or I was crazy. As for school that situation probably wouldn't be getting better anytime soon.

As I sat there thinking my stomach began to rumble, I hadn't eaten anything in a couple days. I looked over at the clock it was fifteen past six in the morning. I hurried to the kitchen to find something to eat before school. The fridge was bare nothing new there it had been cleaned out right after mom passed so that it wouldn't be filled with spoiled food when I got here. The best I could do was coffee and a couple pop tarts that didn't look to bad.

After I ate I showered and changed into a spare out fit I had always kept here. I dreaded school but I didn't have a choice so I ran a brush through my wet hair not even bothering to blow dry or style it and headed for the car. I had forty minutes to make it to school and I used them to try and figure out what to expect when I got there today.