Confessions From My Dead Mother
Chapter Nine: Whoever Said Suicide Is Painless Is Full Of Shit
I sat in the floor weeping for about an hour. I don't know how I managed to get to my feet but I did. I was sticky all over from the tears so I decided to take a nice hot bath. I had to figure out what I was going to do. This situation wasn't something I was equipped to deal with on my own. I ran my water and slid myself down into the warm wetness and I began to weep again. I just couldn't handle this. Even if I went to Spence and told him I was pregnant he would just call me a liar and then when I began to show he would tell everyone I was just trying to pin it on him because I didn't know who the father was.
Something shiny caught my eye on the edge of the sink and I got out of the tub to see what it was. As I got close enough I could see it was one of those old fashioned straight razors mom kept around. She said they were like antique razors or something and the pearl handles made them valuable. She loved antiques and I could still remember when she bought the box that had two of them in it. She had said they were a find because they had to be at least a hundred years old. I had thought mom crazy cause it wasn't like she would be able to do anything with them, but then one day I came to her house after school and saw her shaving her legs with one of them.
She had told me it was the closest shave she had ever had but I couldn't use one because they were so sharp I could cut myself badly with one wrong move.
That razor was my answer. I picked it up and went back to the tub. I sat in the water thinking about it for a long time but in the end I knew it was what I had to do. I picked it up with my left hand and slowly slid the razor across my right wrist. I did it three more times I wanted to make sure I done it right. I moved it to my right hand and couldn't really get a grip on it because of the slippery blood and for some reason my hand just wouldn't work right.
Finally I managed to hold onto it enough to make a swipe at my left wrist. The cut wasn't as deep as the others so I tried again and again. I had made four swipes across my left wrist before my hand gave out and I dropped the razor. I felt myself getting woozy and a kind of fuzzy grayness enveloped me. My last conscious thought was, "Shit, I forgot to leave a note." Like it mattered though no one really cared anyways. I felt myself die in an instant and I couldn't bring myself to care.
Something shiny caught my eye on the edge of the sink and I got out of the tub to see what it was. As I got close enough I could see it was one of those old fashioned straight razors mom kept around. She said they were like antique razors or something and the pearl handles made them valuable. She loved antiques and I could still remember when she bought the box that had two of them in it. She had said they were a find because they had to be at least a hundred years old. I had thought mom crazy cause it wasn't like she would be able to do anything with them, but then one day I came to her house after school and saw her shaving her legs with one of them.
She had told me it was the closest shave she had ever had but I couldn't use one because they were so sharp I could cut myself badly with one wrong move.
That razor was my answer. I picked it up and went back to the tub. I sat in the water thinking about it for a long time but in the end I knew it was what I had to do. I picked it up with my left hand and slowly slid the razor across my right wrist. I did it three more times I wanted to make sure I done it right. I moved it to my right hand and couldn't really get a grip on it because of the slippery blood and for some reason my hand just wouldn't work right.
Finally I managed to hold onto it enough to make a swipe at my left wrist. The cut wasn't as deep as the others so I tried again and again. I had made four swipes across my left wrist before my hand gave out and I dropped the razor. I felt myself getting woozy and a kind of fuzzy grayness enveloped me. My last conscious thought was, "Shit, I forgot to leave a note." Like it mattered though no one really cared anyways. I felt myself die in an instant and I couldn't bring myself to care.