Promise Me This; Never Let Go

I couldn't wait for Matt to come over today. I had to tell him what I did. I didn't hide my unhappiness with Rafael. I wasn't submissive. I opened my mouth and changed back to my old ways. I changed back to the Franchesa that didn't let anyone take control of her. Matt would be so proud of me!

Matt

This feeling was killing me. I needed to get this over with before anything. We're supposed to love each other, even at our worst, and I'm sure in a few minutes, she will see me at my worst.

The dull cricketing noise of the elevator taunted me as I waited for it to reach the desired floor. It was moving slower than usual, or was that just me? It felt like everything was working against me today.

I walked to her door and knocked loudly enough so she would hear me. She swung the door open, a huge smile adorning her face. She was most beautiful when she looked brighter and happier. I almost hated the fact that the happiness would fade away by the end of the day.

I pondered whether I should say it or not. All of the other times I've said it, the results were heartbreak. It would be wrong of me to say that I don't need that girl by my side, that I don't need that girl in my life, that I don't want to say she's my kind, that I don't want to tell her that I love her more than life.

I didn't give her time to say anything before I opened my mouth. "Franchesa, I'm sick and tired of this. I love you, I'm in love with you, but you've never said it to me. I'm close to breaking, so fucking close." I felt the tears cloud over my vision of her. She was becoming blurry. I blinked them away, and continued on. "Sometimes I want to give up on you. Why should I stick around when there's a chance you won't? I'm sick of this, sick! You won't leave him, but you won't let me go. Make a fucking choice already! Stop being so selfish!"

My breathing was labored and my blood was pounding against my ear drums. Yet, I could still hear the silence in the room. We were staring each other down. I waited for a response. I needed to see some type of response whether it be angry, hurt, sad, or even happy. Either way, I needed something.

"Are you done?" was the simple question she asked.

I couldn't believe it; I really could not. She always complained that I never told her anything. She had to go through so much work and effort to make me talk about my feelings. I finally do and she acts like it's nothing.

"I don't know why I try. You don't even care," I spat.

A scoff escaped her lips. "Now you know how I feel."

"Don't you even dare try to say that you know how I feel. You don't."

"Don't I? I spent half of my year falling for you. In that same time, I showed you signs that maybe, just maybe I wanted to be with you. You aren't stupid. I know you saw and noticed them and you didn't do anything. You ignored it and pretended like nothing changed between us. Don't even say that I don't know how you feel. I tried and you didn't care. So shut your mouth."

"And? Even now you won't tell me you're in love with me. What are you playing at? Forget it, I don't want to hear it. Bye."

And with that, I slammed the door behind me and headed for the stairs. I couldn't stand in an elevator for 10 minutes so I could reach the lobby.

I threw myself against the door and ran down the flights of stairs. I needed to get my anger out somehow and this was somewhat working.

By the time I reached the ground floor, I was sweating heavily and my breathing was very loud. People gave me weird looks as I bolted out of the hotel. Yes, this did look suspicious. No, I didn't care. I needed to get out of there before something bad happened. By something bad, I mean me saying something else I'll later regret.