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The Life of a Teenager
Save Your Heart.
She feel to the bottom of her life. This wasn't meant for two. She struggles to find herself in time
There are two things you must know before you read this chapter in my teenage life.
1. Love never found me.
2. Friends meant nothing anymore.
"You never listen! You're just a desperate whore. Crawling on your hands and knees looking for a single desperate boy is disgusting and pathetic," she kept on ranting. I wanted to just get up and leave so badly, but I always wanted to hear what people really thought about me. They would always lie to me, even when I told them I wouldn't get mad at them, but they never believe me.
I wanted her to hit me, I wanted her to punch me, I didn't care about my safety anymore. I let everything go along with that childhood when I was happy and carefree. Oh, I missed those days where we could find hope in the simplest of places in life. But no, I just had to grow up to be some whore. Sure, people could disagree and be like, 'no, you're a beautiful and wonderful girl." I always did hate bullshit.
After she was done ranting of how pathetic I am, she just left me sitting in front of the convenient store. There weren't many people there, so I decided it was safe to cry my scarred eyes out. They ran down my pale cheeks, hiding all of the scars and burns of the sheer truth. I'd never admit this loudly, but all of the heartbreak I've been put through left scars on me and never faded.
Then my pocket started to vibrate, so I slowly pulled it out of my shorts and stared at the caller ID. It was him, the guy that was always the sweetest and nicest to me, but I never thought once of dating him. It was a text message, thank goodness though.
Hey, what's up?
Well, I wanted to say: Feel like killing myself. Yet, I didn't want to worry him about my problems anyway.
So instead I wrote: Bored, you?
To be honest, I was tired of trying to be happy everyday of my fucking pointless life. No one really knew who I was anyway, probably thinking of me as a poser or a wannabe. Yet, I could probably careless about what clique was I assigned to. Maybe that's why I kept all my whining and ranting in my head all of the time.
My phone vibrated again. He texted: Me too D: I wish we could hang out.
I replyed: Yeah sucks.
I got up from the store, and started walking back towards my house. I couldn't drive yet, plus I doubt my mom would even let me drive any of her cars. I headed up hills and crossed busy streets. Through those times I felt so tempted to just throw myself in front of a car and just die there. But then I'd have to go to the hospital and make my mom spend more money on me, I didn't want that.
I really didn't see this coming. I thought that no one would mind me going out with him. He was a nice-ish guy, and not totally ugly either. But no, he could date other girls, but if it was me then I crossed the damn line. People just couldn't let me be happy with someone like him? I guess I didn't deserve a damn thing.
I'm not sure if this is meaningful in anyway. I just needed to let all of my emotions out somewhere. Not much of a different story from most people if you think about it. Just another sad girl wanting more in life. Sigh.
There are two things you must know before you read this chapter in my teenage life.
1. Love never found me.
2. Friends meant nothing anymore.
"You never listen! You're just a desperate whore. Crawling on your hands and knees looking for a single desperate boy is disgusting and pathetic," she kept on ranting. I wanted to just get up and leave so badly, but I always wanted to hear what people really thought about me. They would always lie to me, even when I told them I wouldn't get mad at them, but they never believe me.
I wanted her to hit me, I wanted her to punch me, I didn't care about my safety anymore. I let everything go along with that childhood when I was happy and carefree. Oh, I missed those days where we could find hope in the simplest of places in life. But no, I just had to grow up to be some whore. Sure, people could disagree and be like, 'no, you're a beautiful and wonderful girl." I always did hate bullshit.
After she was done ranting of how pathetic I am, she just left me sitting in front of the convenient store. There weren't many people there, so I decided it was safe to cry my scarred eyes out. They ran down my pale cheeks, hiding all of the scars and burns of the sheer truth. I'd never admit this loudly, but all of the heartbreak I've been put through left scars on me and never faded.
Then my pocket started to vibrate, so I slowly pulled it out of my shorts and stared at the caller ID. It was him, the guy that was always the sweetest and nicest to me, but I never thought once of dating him. It was a text message, thank goodness though.
Hey, what's up?
Well, I wanted to say: Feel like killing myself. Yet, I didn't want to worry him about my problems anyway.
So instead I wrote: Bored, you?
To be honest, I was tired of trying to be happy everyday of my fucking pointless life. No one really knew who I was anyway, probably thinking of me as a poser or a wannabe. Yet, I could probably careless about what clique was I assigned to. Maybe that's why I kept all my whining and ranting in my head all of the time.
My phone vibrated again. He texted: Me too D: I wish we could hang out.
I replyed: Yeah sucks.
I got up from the store, and started walking back towards my house. I couldn't drive yet, plus I doubt my mom would even let me drive any of her cars. I headed up hills and crossed busy streets. Through those times I felt so tempted to just throw myself in front of a car and just die there. But then I'd have to go to the hospital and make my mom spend more money on me, I didn't want that.
I really didn't see this coming. I thought that no one would mind me going out with him. He was a nice-ish guy, and not totally ugly either. But no, he could date other girls, but if it was me then I crossed the damn line. People just couldn't let me be happy with someone like him? I guess I didn't deserve a damn thing.
I'm not sure if this is meaningful in anyway. I just needed to let all of my emotions out somewhere. Not much of a different story from most people if you think about it. Just another sad girl wanting more in life. Sigh.