The Life of a Teenager

Have you ever woken up one day and the first though you had was “How can I hurt myself today?”

I have but it eventually went away with the help of my blade.

Have you ever walked across the street and wondered if you should just stop and let a car hit you?

I have but that stopped when my best friend yelled my name.

Have you ever had a day just go horribly wrong, and you yelled to the sky “Is this the best you can do!?”?

I have and I got soaked to the skin by rain, and surprisingly it eased the pain.

Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt, and they never even noticed you, from anyone else in the crowd?

I have and it hurt so much, till the day I realized it wasn’t love it was lust.

Have you ever thought about throwing yourself down a flight of stairs, just so you could ease the pain your blade couldn’t?

I have and I would have, but my phone rang, and it was my mom calling to see how I was.

Have you ever told the simple lie “I’m fine” when you really weren’t but you wanted them to say “Tell me the truth.”?

I have and I found out they never ask, so I continue to lie in hopes one day some one will before its too late.

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep, because the bottle you kept your emotions captured in, finally broke?

I have and in the morning my bottle was fixed again.

Have you ever drank with your best friend, and woke up in the morning only to find yourself in the same bed with them completely naked?

I have, and my only thought was “At least my best friends a girl.”

Have you ever went to bed at night and the last thought in your head was “Please God, if your there, don’t let me wake up. Listen to my prayer, and take my soul tonight.”?

I have but I woke up the next morning, and my views and thoughts were completely different then the night before…my only thought that morning was “Not even HE wants me.”

Have you ever felt so a lone in a crowed room?

I have and it scared me.

Have you ever felt suffocated in an empty room?

I have and my blade helped a little.

Have you ever wondered what the person across the street thought about you?

I have but, then I realize they are only judging by looks and not personality.

Have you ever looked at that beautiful house in your neighborhood and pictured yourself with a perfect family, a happy mother, a father who was there, and an older brother who makes fun of you but truly cares about you, or an older sister who lets you use her make-up, or perhaps a younger brother who annoys the hell out of you but you truly do love to death, or a younger sister who wants to be just like you?

I have, and every time I do, it feels so real, till they chase me from the front of their house and I realize its just a fantasy.

Have you ever been the person, all your friends run to with their problems looking for a shoulder to cry on or some other type of help, but every time you want that kind of support they just aren’t around?

I have and I still am, but I can hide the hurt behind my lies, just whatever you do don’t look into my eyes, you wont be prepared for what you see.

Have you been the one to understand everything but act as if you don’t so you aren’t called a “Nerd.”?

I have, and I couldn’t change their opinions because I never went back to that place, I was afraid to stand out, and yet I always managed to.

Have you ever been accused of something that you didn’t even know happened?

I have and then treated like criminal, and that’s not something easily forgotten.

Have you ever been in a dream so real, that when you awoke you had cried, because you realized it was nothing but a lie?

I have and I still do, I find myself wishing to just sleep for ever and live in the world I have created, but then I shed tears, because I’m back in the real world, with real fears.

Have you ever stopped to think about all the things that have happened to you?

I have and I reallized that I wouldn't be who I am today if they hadn't have happened, or are continue to happen.