The Life of a Teenager

(I'm going to go ahead and put in real names since nobody execept my twin know who I'm really talking about, but I will only use first names)

It's the summer before my freshman year of high school and the last year I can do art and foreign language camp (which is a half day camp from 8am-12pm and it gave me something constructive to do with my time).

On the first day my intimate support group of friends was established. It just made sense since I already knew them from school and they were the only people I knew. Courtney, Ana, and I were the last to walk in class that day and were forced to find an empty table for us all to sit at. Since we WERE the last ones we had to sit right by the teachers' counter/desk thing at the front of the room where another girl, Bailey, was sitting. She said she didn't care if we sat there and that instantly initiated her into our group. The camp lasted three weeks and each week we spent 45 mins learning either Spanish, German, or French (the three languages offered at our school). The first week we had Spanish with Mr. Voung... thankfully she loved me and therefore me and my little group of people could get awat with just about anything.

We always stood out in class because when I'm comfortable... I get loud... and so do my friends. We were always getting off subject and making jokes. Things were going great. Then I think it was the either the next day, or maybe it was the day after Ana started telling me about this guy, Aaron, that she used to have a crush on, but she assured me that she was and I quote "totally over him". So I just kinda let it go. Then when we went to Spanish that day Ana and I had gotten into an arguement about which college was better K-State or KU (and for people who don't live in Kansas... they are the 2 big state colleges here that have a major rivalry... I'm K-state and She's KU). Well we go into class basically shouting "KU is SSSSSSSSOOOOOOO much better!!!!" "NO!!!! K-STATE IS!!!!!!" and well yeah you can see where this is going... once "class" started we were just quietly arguing when the teacher wasn't really paying attention since we learned all of this last year when we had to take Spanish as a required class. Well, the whole time that Aaron guy kept starting at us... well really at me... even when we weren't arguing...

Then the next day, we weren't talking about anything in particular... just talking about random stuff, and when it was really quiet in the room I was just looking around, since I didn't really have anything better to do, and he was staring at me again... Now, I don't know this kid and I don't know anything about him other than my friend used to like him. So i gave him a questioning look in return and went back to whatever it was that I was doing. Well we had a "recess" time and for 45 mins where they'd give us a snack and sometime time to go play like basketball or something... the first few days i would just read... that is until one of Aaron's friends at the camp asked me if he could borrow a dollar. I didn't really care so long as I got my money back so I told him sure just make sure you pay me back. he said he would tomorrow. Then Aaron and Ana started talking. Next thing I knew Ana and I were playing Knock out with Aaron and his friends at recess time. Soon the week was over and we wouldn't be back until that next monday.

On monday Aaron asked if he could borrow a dollar right as his friend paid me back. once again i told him the same thing i told his friend, I don't mind as long as he paid me back. he said he would and I didn't have any reason not to believe him. Well, sure enough he paid me the next day, but then he asked me for another dollar, and we went through this routine for the rest of the camp until the very last day... as in he was trying to make an excuse to start a converstion with me everyday (at least that's how I took it). Then we sorta just started talking and he slowly but surely bacame a part of our little group. he sat at our table. we hung out at recess, he joined our "adventures" we'd have when we wanted to explore the high school we'd be in next year so we'd say we had to go to the "bathroom". It was awesome, and something I didn't really know at the time was that he is a REALLY flirtaeous person so when he would flirt with me, I flirted back because I wanted to. Next thing I knew I was really crushing on this guy and for this first time it was someone I actually had a chance with.

I even remember that well he didnt really like Ana so one day when I went back to the classroom to get some money out of my purse to buy something from the vending machine, I heard something behind me. I turn around and I don't see anything. So i get my money, hide my wallet in my purse again, set my purse down, changed my mind, picked it back up and headed out of the room. As I rounded the corner guess who was hiding on the side of it. Well he goes back in the classroom, goes to Ana's purse and takes out a piece of gum and offers me a piece. I took it and told him I wouldn't say anything because I liked him and to be perfectly honest she wouldn't have really cared. So we walk back to the cafeteria and we were just talking when out of nowhere a mouse runs across the hall. Now most girls would freak out but I'm just really not like that (at least not with mice anyway) so we were both more worried about the fact that this fat mouse just managed to squeeze into this little ass hole!!!! and it was wierd because it was like we both were just able to find such great pleasure out of something so small. we were both able to just be happy and not care about anything else. then we went to recess and played knock out like we always do and things were going great. In that short amount of time he became not only my crush, but a really good friend.

I felt like I could trust him with everything, like i could tell him anything. There was no good reason why, but I just felt it in my gut. now let's fast forward to when everything went wrong. Now i have this awful thing were I can not tell if people like someone, unless I like that person. meaning I wasn't aware of how many girls at that camp liked Aaron until i did... and one of those people was Ana. Now at the time I considered her one of my best friends and Aaron was a potential boyfriend and/or best friend. So I was really torn. well i didn't know how to tell Ana now that I was sure that she liked him. So since she was going to miss the last three days of camp, the 2nd to last day I told her. well maybe I should set up how our conversation went so you can understand how she could have taken things this way, but really she just over-reacted. Well, she and I were texting back and forth just talking about how things were going at camp, and she mentioned Aaron (like she did everyday... I mean her crush on him was overly-obvious, but she had to get the guts to talk to him first and then it just developed into her well obsessing over being with him all the time. wanting to sit by him. asking him if she could play basketball with him during "recess". I mean it was kinda sad, but when i'm done you'll understand why i don't feel bad for her.). Well at first I was just teasing her abou tlking him and kept denying it, until she FINALLY said it. Well keep in mind for the past about week I've been feeling like crap because I don't want to have to choose between Aaron and Ana. I'd been taking to m friend Kristen about it and she just told me that I should just tell her so that everything would just be ou tin the open and I could feel better and just relax.

So I probably could have said this better, but i just told her "Well I guess this is a good a time as any to tell you that I like him too." press send. wait.... wait... wait. finally. "oh, well wat about rod?" (Rod is another friend that's a year older than me that I still like) "wat about rod?" "Well do you still like him?" "Yea... y?" "Well then why do you like Aaron I mean you have to like one better." "Okay. So what's your point?" "Well if you had to pick right now between rod and aaron who would you pick?" "well, right this second aaron because I know him better, but what does that have to do with anything?" "Oh, so then you wouldn't care if i told rod that you like him?" " Uh excuse you?!?!?" "Well you said that you'd pick aaron and it's not a big deal so you shouldn't care." "Ya know what ana you do watever is gonna make you feel better because i honestly don't care, but i don't want to hear crap else from you." "Fine." "Fine." (during this i'm texting kristen and filling her in on what's happening). then a few minutes. later i get a text from ana "grandma" about how i should feel bad because of this sad-ass story about how ana's boyfriend back in venezula (that's where she's from originally) left her for another girl. Well that's not my problem. At this point I was pissed, and so was Kristen because she had been there with me through the whole thing. As soon as I'd get home from camp. i'd call my dad, start my chores, go hang at Kristen's to tell her all about what had been going on, go home and finish chores, and finish my day. so she texts ana and it's ana talking to her at first, then KP (nickname) just completely rips her a new and tells her "look I know all about what went down with you and jasmine and that's not even right for you to act like that. I know that you like him and she knows too. she's been feeling like crap not knowing how to tell you, she finally does trying to be a good friend and you act like this?!?!?!" Next text ana's grandma is talking again. we both finaly get sick of her and just don't talk.

Next day at camp I told the table that Ana and I were fighting but I couldn't really say why. Of course no one was hapy about that. then i rephrased and said, well technically i just can't tell Aaron. He obiuosly didn't like this very much. so I told Courtney about what happened, and she agreed that Ana over-reacted and that I shouldn't feel bad about it. then all day i was trying to indirectly tell Aaron what happened without having to just come straight out and say we are fighting over you because we both like you. Found out something else about him... he doesn't do well with hints. So when the day was almost over and it was just me and him in the class i finally told him. yea... it's was hecka awkward, but i thought everything was fine since nothing changed and we still had another day left of class. well we had to display our artwork for the parents to see that day, and i knew ana was going to the parent thing and i wasn't. still feeling a little guilty i felt like i should still be a good friend to her and put all of her stuff out so that she wouldn't have to come to find all of her stuff still in her art drawer.No one understood why i did that... heck i half don't even understand why, but at the time it felt like the right thing to do and it made me feel at least a little bit better.

Nexy day rolls around, it's the last day of camp and everything seems fine.like i said i thought everything was fine because aaron didn't act different he just kept going on like it was any other day. well when it was all over i asked if he had a facebook or something so we could keep in contact (now this is where i start feeling stupid). he said he had aim and email and gave me that, then i gave him my email and said i couldn't remember exactly what my aim was (that's because i didn't have one yet.) so the day ends and everything seems fine. well over that summer i email him. made an aol account just for him and sent him stuff on there too... nothing. the whole summer i get nothing. With Ana about a week after she got pissed at me she apologized and we made up, but i never have been able to complete forgive her for the fact that she was willing to let a guy that didn't even actaully like either one of us some in between a 3 year friendship. I just couldn't get over that. Still can't. well, needless to say when schol started back, i was pissed, and i believe that i had every right to be. well he and i had 2nd block PE together for 1st terms ince he was in marching band. Well the whole first week he pretended like he didn't even know me. So i played along with his little game. then the next week he tries talking to me but i try my best to just shut him out. Over the course of the term i try to ignore him and basically act like a bitch when he does try and talk to me. I just didn't want anything to do with him after that. Well that and Ana (still being all yucky and desprate) told him that if he talks to me or her at least once a week then she'll buy him his favorite candy , mike and ikes (i remember this because he used to talk about them ALL the time, so i promise this is not me beign a stalker). well I didn't want to be in on that so if he wanted his candy then he was gonna have to earn it the hard way by talking to the person who wants to them to him in the fisrt place.

From there things just progressively got worse. Our school split into two high schools and that year's freshmen, sophomores, and 8th graders had to pick a school. my dad had already chosen for me (he's just like that...) so i knew where i'd be, but then he said that he'd changed his mind and was going to be going there. Well a part of me was happy because there has always been a part of me that wants to make things right, but at the time my bitch side had taken over when it came to matters dealing with him, so i decided i didn't care and let it go. We didn't see each other at all the rest of that year. The next year, last year... it got worse again. He was in my math class... with assigned seats... and he sat right in front of me. yea so i'd intentionally not look at him. look past him. act like he didn't exsist. It was my way of coping and dealing with the rejection that he so willingly placed on me. but now, that time has gone on and we've both had some time to mature... i wish i hadn't been such a bitch. I wish i could've let it go. but most of all i wish i'd never told him how i felt... and sometimes still feel... why did i ever tell him how i feel?