Can't Love a Werewolf, Without Getting Fleas.

As if earlier today weren’t bad enough. Fourth period was excruciating for me.

Colton strolled in long after the bell…not that I had been waiting for him. The teacher yelled at him, and he took a silent seat beside me. He made no gestures of ever talking to me. It just made me want to shrug like a turtle in a shell and burry my head in the dark. Away from this….well, whatever this situation was with Colton.

My mind was reeling though, to the conversation in the locker room. It wouldn’t leave me alone. So the girl who died here… was her name Shaylee as well? They couldn’t possibly mistake me for her. I never died… I think I would know.

Did I look like her? But what was the coincidence? That I have the same name as the girl they say ‘died’ and I was friends with them when I was little. BOTH of them.

So if this girl isn’t me, then how come I don’t remember her?

UGH! IT WAS INFURIATING!!

Not being able to remember my childhood. I didn’t think much of it before, but now it seemed seriously important.

I didn’t think Colton would openly tell me answers if I asked any questions. So my best bet was to try and recall my childhood the only way I knew how—drawing.

Bring my dreams, my past to life.

The teacher was just reviewing homework right now, so I pulled out a piece of paper rapidly, scared that if I didn’t write down flashbacks like this morning, and dreams, that I wouldn’t be able to recall them later, and never find out what exactly they were talking about.

I drew them out.

The dreams I had of running in the forest. I drew out Colton’s face. His smile.

My stomach dropped. I gulped, biting back this gnawing feeling of abandonment and loneliness. Stupid Colton and this death grip he had over me.

It became evident how much I thought about him, when in every single picture I drew—he was in.

I took a break for a minute to listen to the teacher lecture. I was almost afraid to remember things from my childhood, because if I was right… then this feeling for Colton, this awful gut feeling I feared would deepen, multiply into a million hardening feelings that wouldn’t go away would get worse because I might find out how close we actually were when we were younger.

I shuddered. But I wasn’t backing down. I pulled myself together and started drawing. Trying not to get attached to each picture that seemed so familiar, it was like I could reach out and touch it; be there.

After about ten pieces of paper, I realized I couldn’t keep drawing all over my school paper, or I’d waste it. I’d have to draw it in my sketchbook at home.

I tried to ignore the feeling that Colton was watching me, boring his eyes into the paper my hands so effortlessly flew over. Recalling heartfelt memories of him and I.

For all I know he probably thought I was a stalker, drawing pictures of him. But from the looks of earlier today in gym, it didn’t look like him and I were going to be getting any closer. So what the heck.

It hurt to know that I was just Monday’s interest. He now needed to focus on the rest of the week, and a girl to match up to the next six days.

I grabbed my stomach. The feeling getting worse.

God, I just need to stop thinking about this.

He didn’t speak to me, if you were wondering. No of course not. He would stare at my pictures with a face that held so many interested, and hidden emotions. But he wouldn’t mouth a peep.

I began to draw the image I had this morning. I pushed back the nausea that overwhelmed me, like a stench clouding the room, making it seem smaller and blocking out the teacher’s current lecture.

A littler Blake, his eyes dark and unfamiliar. His muscles flexing under his skin. I drew me, frightened and scared.

Then I drew me flying in the air, headed for a tree that would eventually break my arm.

Then I drew me afterward, crying and scared.

Before I could stop it, another image flashed before my eyes.

.

“Shaylee? Is that you?” Colton came running at me shirtless from the woods, his little body small, and not nearly as ripped as he was now, but still pretty muscular.

I nodded, my lip trembling to hold back my tears.

His eyes went to my arm before they got big. He ran over suddenly, crouching down beside me to examine it.

“I-is it broken?” I questioned, the fear as plain as day in my voice.

Colton sighed heavily. His brown hair messy on his head.

“I think it might be. Does it hurt?”

I whimpered as he attempted to touch it.

He shook his head like it hurt him as much as it did me. “I think it is Shays.”

I nodded understanding, knowing that it wasn’t so scary to have broken my arm now that Colton was here. Nothing had ever seemed scary to me when he was around.

“What happened??” He said, suddenly like the thought had escaped him while he was busy trying to calm me down.

“B-Blake. H-he got mad that I wouldn’t be his friend forever without you, and he just t-threw me.”

“WHAT!!” Before I could register what was happening, Colton began to shake, to spasm.

He fell on the ground and began to back away from me on his hands and feet. It was a fearful, ungraceful movement.

“C-colty?” My young voice broke, worried for him.

He shook his head, and looked me in the eyes. His soft brown eyes began to change some. His pupils dilated and constricted—back and forth.

His jaw clenched before he let out an angry whimper.

“I-I have to go. I’m sorry.” Colton took of into the forest without another word.

I blinked, completely surprised.

Not long after that a howl rippled the trees, and shook the ground.

I frowned. The wolf sounded in pain. Angry and ruthless.

It scared me. I picked my tiny self off the ground, wincing as my arm moved slightly, before I made my way through the forest to go home.

“Shaylee?” I blinked out of my hazy dream, to see the teacher in front of my desk frowning at me.

The classroom was empty.

“Y-yes?” I asked, holding back a shiver that threatened to run up and down my spine like a marathon.

“Are you ok?” She titled her head slightly, as if the movement would tell her all she needed to know.

“Fine. Did the bell ring?” I questioned, seeing as one minute I was in the middle of class, and the next it was over.

“Yes…” She trailed off, before pointing toward the door.

“You’ll miss your bus.” She stated simply, before composing herself better instead of an annoyed scowl and turned to go back to her desk.

I sighed before getting up, gathering my things together and heading to the locker room.

I had track practice.

As I put the papers away I frowned down at one of them. I had planned on drawing one of Colton backing away from me like in my image, but instead what lay out on my paper was the wolf.

The one that was in my dreams, and the one that I sometimes see where my backyard borders the deep woods.

Huh.

*

I watched in boredom as everyone ran around the track. My leg so kindly prevented me from running, nevertheless I still had to attend practice. I watched everyone go. Each of them in their own little world. Except for Brooke, who was chatting away animatedly with Rachel. I came to the realization that I’ve never really heard Rachel contribute to a conversation. But then again, with Brooke’s constant babble, you can never really get anything in.

Leslie and Violet would give sympathy glances as they ran together. I swear they were inseparable. But not in the we-will-leave-you-out-of-our-twosome kind of inseparable. I felt like I was their missing third person.

Blake would make funny faces when he ran by me to make me laugh, and it helped some. Plus the fact that he would take multiple ‘water breaks’ which was stupid because he wasn’t even slightly winded after two miles, to talk to me.

Other people just ran. Concentrated on keeping their strides at a steady pace. They were the only people that seemed normal. Everyone else was barely fazed.

Colton ran in silence with an ipod in his ear. He never once glanced my way.

I don’t even know why I expected him to all of a sudden come talk to me.

But I did.

Track practice was just uneventful and flat out boring. Needless to say I was thankful when it was over with.

I just became restless with the need to run with them.

I waved my goodbyes to everyone entering the school. Everybody else had car’s they could put their stuff in. I was the only one on track that still used the locker room. A few girls from soccer did too, all of the freshman and some sophomores.

I realized that I might possibly run into Colton again while picking my sister up, and the thought made me dread the next hour and a half.

As I opened my locker though, a piece of paper fell out of it.

I furrowed my eyebrows together as I picked it up.

It was a piece of paper advertising the school art show coming up this Sunday. It also says you have to register in with the Art teacher first, but that people who attend will vote for the bests picture and then that person will have their picture actioned off in a state auction.

Cool. I thought.

But who had slipped this into my locker?

As I walked home (yeah, that’s stupid since my leg is killing me, but whatever.), I thought to myself.

An art show? That actually sounded interesting. I mean… I liked to draw, but mainly to myself. I didn’t like showing people. Heck, I never showed anyone. I mean I didn’t care if people saw sketches and such, but when I put my heart into it. When I really truly tried, I didn’t let a soul see. Not even my parents or little sister. I was afraid…

But what was I so afraid of?

*

My heart thudded like crazy in my chest, as I opened the door to the elementary school. I promised myself I would resist Colton’s charm incase the orgy session with bimbo didn’t work out for him today.

Just get Lucy, and go. Just get Lucy and go. I thought as I stormed down the hallway, almost afraid to look back behind my shoulder. So far the coast was clear.

I paused at the door only to here something I dreaded.

“Colton! We made pretty pictures with good smelling markers!” I could hear Melony’s voice.

“You did?” He asked, his voice innocent.

Yeah Right. I thought, wondering if he kisses his little sister’s cheek with the same lips that slobbered all over bosom girl.

“Yeah. Come here!”

“Oh cool! Wow, this is so great Mels.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

God. Why do I feel nauseous? I should not be feeling nauseous!

“Hey Lucy. Is your sister coming to pick you up?” I froze.

“I tink so. Mommy said she was going to alllll week long.”

“Alright, Good.”

Good? Why good?

“Do you two really go out?” My sister asked, disbelievingly and I could feel my cheeks burn. Good thing I wasn’t drinking apple juice. Don’t want a repeat of yesterday!

“Uhm… well. You see…”

This was going to get ugly if I didn’t act fast. “No Luce. We don’t.” I stated, looking straight at my sister in an attempt not to look into his brown eyes. I knew I’d fail if I did.

There was no way I was letting him think that him and I would ever be an item.

My little sister frowned. “Well you should!”

I didn’t move. Didn’t act like it fazed me. Didn’t flinch when Colton pouted out of the corner of my eye.

“So I heard Melony say you drew something?” I turned at the paper Lucy held.

I leaned down to view it. It was me, as a princess of a castle.

“This is really good Lucy!” I exclaimed, looking at the tiny stick figure. I actually wouldn’t have known it was me if it hadn’t been labeled off to the side. But of course, I wouldn’t tell her that.

She beamed up at me. “You’re my hero. A pretty pretty princess.”

I felt my own mouth crack into a smile. Who couldn’t love this picture?

“You know Lucy, if you continue like that, you’ll be able to draw as good as your big sis.”

My body went rigid…. what did he just say?

Don’t tell me he put that piece of paper into my locker.

Then I did what I told myself I wouldn’t. I looked him in the eyes.

I gulped.

He gave me a cautious smile. As if he were sorry. As if to prove a point, he took a step toward me. I fought with myself not to step back, to show him how much his rendezvous this morning, affected me.

“Look. I’m sorry for not talking to you and ignoring you.” He took another step, and I took a shaky breath.

Not really noticing that my chest heaved and I thought I’d start to cry.

I must be PMSing…

“Ignore me? I didn’t notice.” I bit back before taking my sister’s hand and leading her out the door and into the car.

I went up to my room and collapsed on my bed. It was exhausting when you had to fight with yourself not to cry.

Really exhausting.

*

I just wanted this weird feeling to go away. I hated myself for letting Colton have this hold over me. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get away from it. Couldn’t make myself feel better.

Every time I closed my eyes I pictured him kissing some chick.

Which shouldn’t bother me…but that’s the thing. It did.

I played Heartbreak by Boys Like Girls in my stereo and climbed out on my roof. I sat and breathed in the cold air.

I sang along, finding myself trying to get angry at Colton rather than sulk within myself. It was a quiet night, so you can imagine my surprise when rustling from the trees caught my attention.

I hurried back through the window to turn down my music. Then I climbed back out in time to see the wolf panting in the moonlight. It’s fur lit with the exotic light.

Its nostril’s flared as a cloud of smoke from its breath flew out around it.

“Hey there.” I whispered out to it. Already feeling my night get better.

This wolf before me, the one I drew constantly, it seemed much more dependable than any boy.

If only he were a human. Then maybe I’d find my perfect guy.

It cocked it’s head at the music and I couldn’t help but chuckle. It whined though, and my eyes bulged.

Gee, thanks. Insult my music. I quickly shut it off, not wanting to scare it away.

“If you stay there, can I feed you leftover’s from dinner?”

It didn’t move, so I took that as a yes.

I quickly gathered some steak from a pan my mom had put in the fridge and went outside quietly. My parents were busy watching some comedy on TV to notice me in the kitchen.

It stayed completely still as I approached it. My heart beat rapidly in my chest, but I ignored it.

I hesitated when I was only ten feet away. The wolf still didn’t move.

I felt my hands start to shake and I tried to stop it. I slowly took steps toward it.

When I was close enough to reach out and touch it, I took in its beauty.

Rough, coarse hair that lined it’s back like a savannah field, dark brown and luring. When you looked close enough, you could tell that it had a medium brown color with black tips. Bizarre, yet beautiful. It’s eyes a slight lighter shade than its fur but even more hypnotizing. I’d never seen a wolf so completely wild and beautiful in my whole life. It’s limbs giant and overpowering. It leaked dominance, but I didn’t flinch.

I held out the stake. “I’m not going to hurt you… I just want to give you food.”

It just stared at me. “Alright, you caught me. I kind of want to pet you too, if you wouldn’t mind.”

I took another step and the wolf began to back away from me. “Please don’t leave me. Please.” I begged, staring at its bright iris’s.

This time it took a step toward me. Slowly but surely it sniffed the meat in my hands before slowly opening it’s mouth and barely biting on the steak.

I let go of the steak as it snatched it in it’s jaws and chewed it loudly. I smiled.

“You’re a pretty wolf.” I complimented, and the wolf growled slightly.

“Handsome. Sorry. You’re a very handsome wolf.” The wolf tore through another piece of steak, before barking in approval.

I chuckled.

After it was done eating it laid down in the grass, cautiously, I squatted near it easily, not wanting to startle it.

“May I pet you?” I asked, barely lifting my hand toward him.

The wolf sniffed my hand before closing its eyes and whining. I didn’t know why.

He then lowered it’s ears back as I petted it, very slow at first, getting faster each time. His fur was surprisingly soft. Like a giant velvet rug had been laid across it’s back. I dug my hands in it, loving the feel.

I scratched at the back of his head and he panted happily, in a way that made it look like he was smiling.

We just sat like that. Me petting it, and it breathing evenly under my gentle hand. It was nice. No complications, no drama, nothing to worry about but the silent chill of the night and this tamed beast that lay before me, gentle and simple-minded.

I liked it. For the first time since I got here, I didn’t feel pressured or worried or confused. I just lived, here, in the moment with this wolf.

But I knew tomorrow, when I went dress shopping with Brooke, life would be much, much more difficult.

*****

Songs:
Just So You Know - Jesse McCartney

Heart Heart Heartbreak - Boys Like Girls

Scream - Zoegirl

You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance - A Day to Remember.