A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy

“Brendon, you took advantage of me!!You knew I was drunk and didn’t know what I was doing!! And did you even use a god damn condom?!” Ryan was turning red and standing in front of Brendon’s, but not looking at him. He was looking tilting his head to the side, with a hand over his eyes which were brimming with false tears. Ryan is a bit of a drama queen.

“You forced yourself on me,quite literally!! So don’t blame me!! And you’re the one who wanted to play beer pong!!” Brendon was trying to control his alternate ego; Brendom; from taking over. He knew that if he let go of control, Ryan would get hurt. You see, Brendon has issues. Ever since he was small, he’s had a split personality that no one has ever been able to diagnose what’s his psychological problem. Along with extreme ADD, whenever Brendon is angry or feeling sad, Brendom usually takes over Brendon and does something Brendon regrets. Like for example, last night. Brendon has been in love with Ryan for years,and was a virgin until Brendom, being the little fucker he is,seduced Ryan. Now Brendon wouldn’t mind losing his V-card to Ryan, its just that he doesn’t remember. A lot of the time whenever Brendom starts up, Brendon wakes up not knowing what happened. Ryan doesn’t know Brendon’s little secret, and Brendon wants to keep it that way. Ryan is a little picky; and Brendon knows him enough to tell that if he found out about Brendom, that he would get the fuck out of there.

“Brendon,I swear to god sometimes your two different people” Ryan now was texting at lightening speed like he wasn’t even there. Seriously,I sometimes question why Brendon wants him.

“BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDON!!!” An annoyingly high pitched voice said from behind the closed bedroom door.’OPEN WHATEVER THIS WOODY THINGY IS!!” That must be Jon.

“What do you want?I'm having an important conversation with someone who SHOULD PUT AWAY THEY'RE GOD DAMN PHONE!!” Brendon said that last part to try and get Ryan’s attention away from his constantly beeping phone,but the attempt failed.

“Um…I don’t know who that-“

“FORGET IT,just tell me what you want”Brendon was seriously trying to hold back Brendom,but soon would wear thin.

“Did you take Dylan’s ear medication again?!Brendon,you know how nasty his ear smells if you don’t-“

“No Jon,I did not take your cats flipping medication.”

“Well that is a damn of a lie. I looked through your room,cause im one evil bitch,and I found it and it was all EMPTY !”

Ritalin used to tide Brendon over,but eventually he grew so jaded that it didn’t even affect him.
Ryan finally noticed he wasn’t in Victoria secret,like he was day dreaming,and looked at the clock.”FUCK BRENDON!!!NOW YOU MADE ME LATE FOR MY SHOPPING SPREE WITH PETEY!!”Ryan grabbed his purse (which wasn’t really filled with anything other than skittles,his great love) and barged out of the room,the door hitting Jon on the nose. Yet again,Brendon fails to understand what he see’s in Ryan (and so does Jon for,that matter).
Since Ryan left,Brendon let go and turned into the devious ‘Brendom’.

The horrible,monstrous thing Brendom was gonna do today was…WATCH A PG-13 MOVIE. Yeah,that isn’t very bad to us,but to Brendom he thought he'd be like Hitler to do that.
Brendom inserted ‘Juno’ into his DVD player,and laughed with an evil smirk on his face. All the mean while,Jon was standing in the doorway,staring.

“Brendon,WTF are you doing?” Yes,he actually said ‘wtf’ instead of ‘what the fuck’.

“I'm not Brendon,I’m…BRENDOM”He paused dramatically,and when Jon didn’t have a look of horror on his face,he questioned his scaring abilities.”Jon,WHY AREN'T YOU SCARED!!IM HIS FREAKY-ASS EVIL ALTERNATE EGO AND YOUR NOT RUNNING OUT OF THE ROOM SCREAMING LIKE MILEY CYRUS!?!?!?”
“
No,its just you’ve done this for about a year and a half now. Soo I'm used to it. And don’t insult Miley,she is GOD”Jon was wearing his favorite shirt,the Jonas Brothers. Gross.

“Shit. And Miley freaking Cyrus is NOT god…Ryan Ross is…”

“No comment on either of those subjects. Well,not really. Miley is god. That's the reason she has her own TV show;and Ryan doesn’t have his own TV show.”

“Jon…TV isn’t the meaning of life…”

“NUH-UH!!Why would there be such magic that is the TV if it wasn’t life.”

“Just forget it,Jon”Brendom growled through clenched teeth.
At that moment,Jon’s new husband who happened to have the name Spencer Smith walked in.

“WHERE THE FUCK IS RYAN?!?!?!”Spencer proceeded to pose like a female model with one hand on his hip,and his other hand on the back of his head.

Brendom by now,was getting fairly fed up from Ryan’s ditzy behavior,Jon’s persistent bad taste,and Spencer’s annoying crush on Ryan. Brendon/Brendom have known about his crush for a while,but Brendom has been waiting to sabotage his secret (even though it isn’t really a secret the way he struts into the room in his favorite underwear and bend over in front of Ryan while he text’s aimlessly).

“Dude,he left. And it wont matter much even if you do wear purple underwear with dinosaurs,he shall never love you.” Well that was mean. Brendom being his evil self,was trying to get a rise out of clueless Spencer. Even though he was married to Jon,he still didn’t really try to hide his obsession.

“What?!?!How can you NOT love purple dinosaurs!!!!-“

“NOT THE POINT SPENCER!!!What I'm TRYING to say,is that someone in this room happened to fuck-Ryan-in-the-ocean-with-the-jellyfish”Brendom said the last part rather quickly,and Spencer barely caught it.

“JON!!!HOW COULD YOU!!!”Spencer looked at his new husband with an appalled look,but mostly he was just mad because he didn’t that he wasn’t the one in Ryan’s pants last night.

Brendom,being overwhelmingly annoyed,left the room with his eye twitching. These people were hopelessly stupid,while Brendom was an evil fucking genius.
Brendom and Brendon are very strange people…They can come and go without warning,which explains how Brendon came back into control of himself.