A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy

“Spencer,I would never sleep with Ryan. I mean seriously…You guys are fucking crazy.”Spencer was REALLY pissed off by now. Spencer and Brendon are madly in love with the oh-so-unappealing-Ryan and Brendon never clarified what he was talking about.

“Then what was Brendon talking about?!?! I know Ryan would never sleep with him. I mean he isn’t that attractive. He only has silky hair,warm eyes,an angelic singing voice,and a perfect body. I mean whats so attractive about HIM?!?!?!” Spencer wailed,wallowing in self pity.

“…Spencer,not to bring up a big word like divorce,but-“

“What is that?!Is it a new kind of food?!?! FIRST DIBS!!”

“NO!!!Spencer, not even close. It's a thing that people-erm- “Jon trailed off thinking of the best way to describe this. He finally decided the easiest way would to draw a picture or two.

ONE HOUR LATER

Spencer was looking at the simple picture with a confused look while Jon had his face in his hands and hair a mess from all the pulling.

“Spencer, I'll go over this ONE more time. When people don’t like each other anymore and want to get together with people of the name Ryan, then they get a divorce. Do you like RYAN?”At that moment, Jon thought he saw the words he just said go through one ear and out the other ear.

“Yeah,but what does that have to do with ‘divorce’?”

“If you don’t like me, and you like Ryan, we should get a divorce,” Jon was questioning his ability to pick husbands. This happened to be his sixth marriage, but three don’t count just ‘cuz he was drunk at that moment.
Jon got a brilliant idea considering Spencer loved dinosaurs.”Spenceeee, if the red T-rex wants to marry the purple T-rex but is married to the green T-rex,than he getsdivorce. Now Noww, lets say that you’re the red T-rex”Jon found a few toys on the floor that happened to fit thedescription. Its amazing how messy the house they share with Ryan and Brendon/Brendom is, but they still aren’t insane.”And I'm the green T-rex. Now Ryan is the purple T-rex.”

Jon continued with this experiment,and to his surprise,it worked. “OHHHH!Why didn’t you just say that??”

Jon got up from the kitchen table and left the room. He went into the bathroom and repeatedly hit his head on the counter, ignoring Ryan running by with a green piece of bacon (gross). “JON,THIS IS REEEEEEEEEEALLYYYYYYY SERIOUS.DO YOU HAVE A PREGNANCY TEST??” He took a huge bite of his lovely lunch while saying this,spitting some on Jon.

Jon,being incapable of expressing what came to mind because he knew that Ryan would probably have Brendon take away his Mandy Moore poster if he did,just walked out of the room and went into his room. He found one of many of his pregnancy tests (never ever ask why he has them) and handed it to Ryan.

“WAIT,HOW DO I USE THIS?!”Ryan looked at the stick like it was an alien weapon.

“…You pee on it Ryan…”

“Oh,well do you mind?!?”Ryan slammed the door in Jon’s face for the second time that day. By now, he had a big cut on it and another nose bleed.

Ryan,being bored from waiting for the results of the pregnancy test,found Brendon sitting in his room watching ‘Finding Nemo’ while singing “Just keep swimming,just keep swimming,just keep-OH MY GOD RYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!” Brendon pretty much tackled Ryan,but Ryan quickly pushed him off saying “Do you want to hurt this thing you forced upon us?!?!” Ryan rubbed his stomach and tried to stick out his stomach as much as possible.

“Ryan…what the flipping dolphins are you talking about?…”Yeah,he pretty much ruined the seriousness of the situation with that…

Ryan,looking down at the pregnancy test,screamed at the top of his lungs “HOLY SHIT IM FUCKING PREGNANT BECAUSE OF YOU BRENDON BOYD URIE!!!!NO, I. CANNOT. GET. FAT!!”

Spencer,hearing the scream,squealed then ran into the room in his favorite purple dino underwear.

“Brendon,did yo-Oh,why hello Ry”He leaned against the door but fell when the door went backwards.
In embarrassment,Spencer ran out of the room.

Ryan,still in his state,didn’t even notice that odd outburst on Spenser's part.

“Oh my god,I'm gonna be a daddy with you as the mommy?!?!”Brendon squealed,doing a dance of joy.

“Psh,as if. Im the dad. Just because I'm the one who has the baby in his stomach doesn’t mean I breast feed him,”Ryan snapped his fingers,but then realized that he should be mad because of Brendon.”What am I saying?YOU GOT ME INTO THIS MESS WITH YOUR SEXY DANCES AND HUGE ASS!!”Now little did Ryan know,but Brendon wasn’t the father. Brendom was.

Brendon,looking a little hurt,let out a whimper and went to hide in his bed. And of course,Brendom just HAD to make an appearance.

“Ryan…I know a way you don’t have to have a baby…”

Ryan,being as slow as he,knew what he was saying “BUT AN ABORTION WILL HURT MY ASS!!”

“Erm…no, I mean if you were willing to have sex then you should be used to ass pain…Plus, I don’t want to have a child with you.”

Ryan was completely confused. Ryan was fucking GOD in Brendon’s mind,so why didn’t he want to have a child with him?

“Brendon?What do you mean?” He held back a small sob, but Brendon gained control again.

“What?” Brendon had no idea of what happened.

Ryan ran out the room sobbing, while Brendon ran to Spencer. Brendon might have ran after Ryan,but he knew that Ryan would just throw all the poke balls he carries around at him…Yes,I know…

“SPENCER,I KNOW YOU LISTEN TO ALL OUR CONVERSATIONS SO TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED!!”

“Only if you let me smell your pillow.”

“Why?…”

“Because Ryan touched it.”

“Um……….Sure.”Brendon ran and got the pillow, and after Spencer rubbed it around his face (do I really have to say what your thinking right now?), he told Brendon what he wanted to hear.

“Ryan thinks you want an abortion,even though I know that was just Brendom talking.”
Spencer continued enjoying the pillow while Brendon tried to think of all the places Ryan could be.