Help, I'm Alive

The blooded oozed down my arm, and it gave me relief. The only place I was really happy.

I did another slice to my wrist, and I made it deeper. I winced at the pain, but I remembered my happy place.

The blues skies, fresh air, the sun shining on the happy families. The pain went away. All was left was relief & happiness.

I guess you could say that cutting was my addiction. However, I hated doing that. But, I felt like it was the only thing that I could actually get away from my life. I started doing it when I was fifteen. I couldn’t control my actions. I had just gone to the bathroom and it just went from there. I couldn’t stop after that. It seemed like a daily routine. I tried to stop, but I would always crawl to the bathroom. There were numerous scars on my arms, each for a different, yet same reason.

Done for the night, I cleaned up making sure there was no evidence, and looked at myself in the mirror. There was a huge red hand mark on my face.

It’ll go away by morning.

…I hope.

|*|*|*|*|*|

The red mark was still there in the morning.

I’ll make up a lie. They’ll believe me. As if, they really care. It’s all about their problems.

When I was driving Kayla to school, she said” Do you wanna know what seems cool? If me and you can have a house to ourselves! It would be really fun!” Yeah, like that would work.

But, I didn’t say that. Instead, I said,” That’s seems like a good idea. I’ll keep that in mind,” Lies. I knew it is bad to lie, - Heck, I lie all the time- but you have to keep the kid’s mood up.

She then started to list places to live, cool toys, her dream house, stuff like that.

It’ll only be a matter of time before reality hits her.

• • •

“Hello Emerald, how are you today?” Mrs. Lucky, the guidance counselor, asked me.

That’s a good question. How am I?

“I’m doing fine, you?” Lies. All Lies.

“Great. Okay, so today, we have a new one. The teachers are concerned about him. They’ve said he has no friends, always alone, poor participation, low grades, and one teacher caught him in act.”

“Act? What do you mean?” It sounded interesting.

“Well, one teacher said he stabbed his hand with scissors.” That sounded familiar.

“Oh, wow,” I said, not knowing what to say.

“I know, so that’s why you’re going to help him. Alone.”

“Alone? Why not together? “I asked, getting scared. I can’t handle that. I can barely handle myself.

“Because he wouldn't listen to me. He’ll listen to someone his age. Like you,” She explained. Great. Just great.

“He should be coming any second. Good luck!” She smiled and left.

You see, I work with the school counselor on my free periods. I help the counselor counsel people. They chose me, because I am, supposedly, good at helping people’s problems.

How am I good if I can’t fix my own problems?

Two minutes later, the door opened to reveal him.

Shock was written all over my face. But, I quickly composed myself.

I didn’t know what to say. I’ve counseled people by myself, but nothing like this.

“Okay…let’s start with…you.” I was lost at words.

He didn’t say anything.

“Come on, you’re going have to start talking.” I tried. He was looking at me, though. Not my eyes, but like there was something on my face.

Realization hit me.

The slap mark! I forgot about it! My friends saw, but I just said my sister hit the car door on my face.

It was too late to do anything. He would know I was trying to cover it.

“What happened to your face?” He asked with disgust.

“I got hit with the door,” I lied smoothly. I was shaking in fear inside, though.

“That doesn’t look like it. Did someone slap you?”

“No! Now, seriously, we have to start now.”

“Someone did slap you! Who did it?” He said, completely ignoring me.

“This isn’t 20 questions!” I said in frustration.

“Look, tell me the truth. Did someone slap you?”

I sighed. I’m the one that’s supposed to be asking the questions.

“No,” I said more calmly,”That’s the truth. Now, we have to start.”

“Why are you lying?” He looked at me more carefully. I made sure I didn’t look scared or nervous.

“I’m not,” I said, gritting my teeth.

Continuing, “Now, for the last time, Please, let’s-“

The bell interrupted me.

“See ya!” He called out, leaving.

I sighed. I didn’t get anything from him.