Sleepless Nights

I waited backstage, as usual, for their set to finish. It was routine for every date of this tour so far. We’d play, and then they’d play. I’d always run back to our bus to wipe off the sweat and grab a clean shirt before rushing to their set. I watched in amazement every time.

“Thank you! Thank you! We love you all!” I heard his beautiful voice scream out to the crowd. I looked up with sudden alertness. Pat’s drum roll had now faded, and I saw them come out one by one, giving some crew members high-fives and “good jobs”.

When he walked out though, his hazel-green eyes were shining with happiness. “He-y! Eric! What’s up, man?!” He asked as if he hadn’t known I was watching from backstage. I laughed pleasantly as he came over to pat my shoulder. Well, he was about to reach in for a hug, but then decided he was too sweaty and opted for a pat.

“You act as though I don’t watch your set every time we’re on tour together. Plus, I saw you glancing here every so often. Looked like you were checking, man.”

He grinned sheepishly, “Shut up! You’re such an ass, Eric. God knows why I hang out with you.” He ruffled my hair.

“Nah, you love me.” I smirked.

His laugh was relaxed as he slung his arm around my shoulders, “Of course.”

“Hey, lovebirds! Get cleaned up, will ya? Club night tonight!” Garrett suddenly popped in front of us and pushed our heads together, “Awwww,” he cooed, “Would you look at the adorable couple? John, Halvo, when you guys get married, I’m gonna be the godfather of your future kid okay?”

John swatted his hands away, “Shut it, Nickelsen. Just ‘cause you’re openly gay doesn’t mean everyone else is.” He grinned playfully as Garrett pouted.

I shook my head and ruffled the kid’s hair. Well, he was like a kid to me. “Oh, you know he loves you, Gar.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He shrugged, “Just go shower, alright? Johno, you stink like shit.”

“Do not!” John called as the other ran off. He shrugged it off and turned back to me. “Well, since we’re being commanded to clean ourselves… join me?”

My haughty laugh was a little shaky, “You wish, O’Callaghan.” And I brushed him off. I walked off without a single glance backward. Maybe if I did, I would’ve seen the solemn look on his face.

I stood a little shakily after having a few drinks with Justin. I was looking for John. This was the few times our bands were able to tour together, so I tried to spend as much time as I could with my best friend.

Okay, well I lied… a little. Yes, John is my best friend. But I desperately wished he wasn’t. To be honest, I was in love with him and had been for a few years now. So, yeah, it hurt when I saw him run off with random girls or if he blew me off for a date with someone else. I knew I shouldn’t be jealous, and he wasn’t mine, so who was I to complain, but I couldn’t help it. He was straight as a stick though, and I was only partially out of the closet. Both our bands knew, well everyone in his band except for him. Everyone told me John would be cool with it, but somehow I doubted it. John was definitely not a homophobe, but he wasn’t exactly comfortable with it either it seemed. He always made jokes towards Garrett and Kennedy anytime they displayed public affection, or he’d just get really awkward and leave.

I sighed as I searched around the club. John was nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, I felt sick, and guessed that maybe I had one drink too many. I stumbled over to the area where I guessed the washrooms were and met a sight that would probably haunt me for nights.

Some beach-blonde girl had her hands all overmy John, pressing his back against the wall. Her leg was up against his side, and one of his hands was groping her ass while the other was at her back, holding her gingerly. Her too-short skirt practically revealed her butt crack and her breasts were almost falling out of her too-small tank. Her fingers pulled at his soft brown hair while his tongue was pretty much down her throat. I was disgusted.

Sure, I’d hear about the girls John went after and every so often saw him lead one off, but he’d never done anything of this sort in front of me, or really anyone of the two bands. I think I heard my heart break.

Just as I was about to walkor stumble away, John froze as if he knew someone was watching him. He looked up and I turned away a little too late.

“Eric?”

I cringed and turned back, my smile crooked and fake, “Yeah? Sorry, man, I was just looking for the washroom.”

His normally bright eyes were dark, and he let go of the girl completely. She stared at him, astonished, before slapping him and storming off.

“Uh…” I started as I watched her walk away, “You didn’t have to stop… Like I said, I was just looking for the washroom. I felt a little sick. I probably drank too much.” I scratched the back of my head in confusion.

He didn’t respond, so I started to walk off, thinking he wasn’t really in a good mood, but I felt his hand on my shoulder and I stopped. “Eric…” His voice was barely a whisper. His breath was hot against my neck and I felt his chest pressed up to my back.

I panicked. “Whoa. Hey, man. It’s cool.” I turned around a little too quickly, but he caught me swiftly. If my first guess was that he was drunk, I was obviously wrong. His reflexes were as normal.

My eyes were shut tight, and my heart was beating at a hundred miles per hour in my chest. And then I felt his lips brush—

I pushed him away roughly. “Are you drunk or something?” I blurted. It was the first thing from the top of my head. His sigh was almost inaudible, and maybe I wouldn’t have guessed it if his eyes didn’t look so sad when he looked up to face me. Even if the smile was there, I didn’t believe it. His eyes always showed how he felt.

It was a few days after that incident at the club. I had avoided John every since then. I stopped staying to watch their set and opted for hanging out around the bus or just walking around the city. Every time John tried to approach me, I came up with an excuse or walked away saying Justin or Nick needed me. I think he got the point ‘cause he stopped coming to the bus asking if I wanted to hang out.

Tonight was as any other. I lay on my bunk, typing away at my laptop when Justin came over and pulled the curtain back.

“Hey, Eric?”

“Yeah?” I felt him sit down on the edge of the bunk but I didn’t look up at him or anything.

He sighed, “You know, you gotta stop avoiding Johno.”

I scoffed, “I am doing no such thing.”

“Yeah, right.” I could practically hear him rolling his eyes, “Because running away like a little girl every time he comes by isn’t avoiding.” My silence encouraged him to continue, “You know, Johno has been your friend for all these years… you’d think that he’d be the first one you told.” I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off, “Yeah, yeah, but it’s him you have feelings for, and you think that wouldn’t go so well with him. Well, Eric, the only thing I have to say is that you gotta take a chance. Who knows? Maybe John’ll surprise you, man.” And he left me with my thoughts.

Sighing, I shut my laptop. Justin was right. He always was. I sat up and grabbed a better looking shirt, trading it for the one I was wearing. Telling Justin I was going for a walk, I walked off the bus.

I wandered aimlessly for a bit, trying to clear my head. I looked up and the venue was in front of me. I sighed, entering through the back door and greeted Nick as he stood backstage.

Tonight was the first night I’d ever seen their band play since that incident. John seemed… weary, to me anyways. The crowd lapped up his usual show excitement and energy, but still, he seemed a little off. I frowned. I felt Nick pat my back, and I gave him a reassuring smile, turning back just in time to see John glance backstage.

“He’s been doing that more often since you haven’t been coming.” Nick whispered beside me.

I gulped as John spotted me and grinned widely. His happiness returned.

“Hey, hey guys!” He yelled out after their last song, “There’s just one thing I wanna clear up before we leave today.” I saw his band mates stare at him incredulously, and my eyebrow rose slightly. This wasn’t planned…?

“Guys!” He called out again, “Yo, be quiet!” He laughed despite his serious command. He let the crowd settled down to whispers before he continued. “You guys know Eric from A Rocket To The Moon, right?” The crowded cheered and he hushed them again. “Yeah, yeah. Halvo.” He chuckled.

Garrett glanced backstage and gave me a questioning look. I shrugged. I had no idea what that boy was at.

“Yeah, so. I just wanna say that Eric’s my best friend and will always be my best friend. I love the kid to death, really. But, I did something stupid a couple nights ago.” He took a nervous breath, “Something really stupid, and I think he might hate me.” His voice was shaky and quiet. He cleared his throat. “Okay, well I don’t know for sure if he hates me, but it just kinda felt like it, y’know? No, no, no. Don’t blame Eric or start calling him names or shit. He’s still my friend.” I felt my heart clenching, and Nick let me squeeze his hand for comfort. John turned to look backstage. “Eric.” His voice was flat and his eyes showed that same darkness from that night. “Even if you hate me, even if you don’t want my friendship anymore, I understand. I’ll stop requesting that we tour together just so me and you can hang ‘cause…well, we don’t really do that as often as we used to, and I miss it. But if you don’t want to, I’m cool with it. Bro… I’m gonna be honest. I’m… Dude, I’m in love with you.”

And that’s all it took. The crowd was shrieking but John didn’t hear a sound they made. He dropped his microphone and walked steadily towards me. I was frozen. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. Nick pushed me forward and I nearly fell, but John caught me. We were just slightly in the view of the crowd, but John didn’t care. He wrapped his arms around my waist and locked his gaze with mine. “Eric…” His voice was but a bare whisper as his lips pressed against mine in a fierce, but surprisingly breathtaking kiss. He pulled away to smile at me.

“John… I-I’m sorry about that night, I just… I panicked…” I couldn’t really find the right words at the moment, but he shook his head and hushed me. No words were really needed to be spoken. My arms flew to his neck and he kissed me again. God, I don’t think I’d ever get tired of his kisses.

He pulled away again and turned to the cheering crowd, yelling, “SUCK IT BITCHES!” Before walking off stage, his fingers laced between mine. I don’t think I ever smiled as wide as I did at that moment.

A few beers later, John and I were sitting on the local beach, staring up at the stars. It was a beautiful night, and I think sitting there with John just made it even better. Now, I’d hate to be the sappy girl in our relationship, but he was absolutely stunning. There was a cool breeze that swept his hair slightly to the side, and a small smile on his lips. His eyes were hidden under his trademark sunglasses, even though it was night, and I frowned a little. His eyes were amazing.

He looked over, catching my stare, and I blushed in the darkness. His hand found my cheek and stroked it gently. He leaned over to kiss my other cheek but I turned so he’d catch my lips. “Sneaky, aren’t you?” I felt him smirk against me. He kissed me again before scooting closer and resting his head on my shoulder. “Hey, Eric?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you, man.”

I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair. “I love you too, you big cheeseball.”

Before I knew it, he was on top of me, placing soft kisses along my neck and jaw line. “John?” I whispered shakily.

His voice was sharp, “Never ignore me again. I missed you too much.” He paused to shed his sunglasses and brush my lips with the tips of his fingers. “Two days…” He frowned sadly, “Two days and you guys are off tour and we’re flying to work on the new album.”

“I know…” I glanced up at his gorgeous eyes. They weren’t so much dark, just wishful—wishing to change things so we could stay together. “You’re going to be in California for the new album, right?” He nodded, “Maybe I’ll make a trip over. I have a few friends to visit anyways.”

His grin lit up his whole face, “Nah, you’re just gonna miss me.”

I scoffed jokingly, “Miss you? I think I’ll be practically lifeless without the great John O’Callaghan by my side every moment of my day.”

He beamed cheekily, “You ass.”

“Oh, shut it. You adore my ass.”

“That I do,” he agreed, “I might have to tattoo ‘Johno’s property’ on it though. Just to mark territory, y’know?”

I laughed, “Yeah. Right, O’Callaghan, like I’d allow you to do that. Keep dreaming.”

“Well… would you for a kiss?”

“No.”

“Sexual favours?”

I couldn’t keep a straight face, “Yeah, yeah. Maybe. I’ll think about it.”

He leaned down to peck my lips before laying his head on my chest. “I hate you, you dick.”

“Love you too, Johno.”