Bursting Red

After cutting my feelings that grew, I cried. After realizing that after all, I’m just a mediocrity, I cried…

Day four.

“What about that one?” She looked over hopefully at the blonde shinobi, his narrow eyes probed the cloud she had pointed to and he shrugged.

“To me it just looks like another cotton ball.” Nezumi’s face fell flat before she giggled, finally giving up.

“You’re the worst at this game, you know that? And here I thought you were the creative type, I suppose even I can be wrong sometimes.” She took one look at his flat lining face and slapped her hand to her mouth. She couldn’t stop laughing and Deidara was starting to feign pouting. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. But really, you’re terrible at this.” When he turned his face away in mock hurt she smiled, wrapping her slender fingers around his own clenched hand. As soon as their fingers intertwined he laughed and looked over at her with a gleam in his eye.

“You’re a very mean girl, you know that? Very misleading, hm.” Nezumi stuck her tongue out at him playfully and giggled more, It was too cute, he rolled on his side and delivered a quick kiss to the cheek, watching the orange and pink sky shift from the reflection in her glossy orbs. “So tell me, what’s your excuse this time?” He asked, referring to her constantly deceiving her Kaa-san in order to see him. She wasn’t supposed to be seeing him but you can’t stop someone whose whole heart is pushing them forward. And even he knew that now.

“It’s not an excuse, I told Tou-san I was going on a walk. Kaa-san hasn’t been feeling well so it’s not like she’ll have the energy to come find me or anything.” Her sweet voice said, her eyes dropped slightly, she really did hate to lie so blatantly. “But I really shouldn’t stay too long. Tou-san didn’t want me walking home in the dark alone.”

“You’re not alone, never.” Deidara replied softly, propping himself up in one elbow to look her in the face. “Would you mind, hm?”

“Mind what?” She in turn propped herself up and stared into his darkening eyes. The settling night sky was making them appear almost grey.

“Mind if I kissed you?” Without waiting for an answer he playfully turned on her, rolling over and straddling her hips as her back was now flat in the grass. “Or something along those lines.” Nezumi stared up at him in wonder, she would never get used to how fast he could move and to this day every time she saw it took her words right out of her mouth. Promising it wasn’t the fact that Deidara was sitting on top of her.

“I suppose I wouldn’t mind.” She tilted her mouth up in an innocent smile, her eyes bright with the night sky. Without a warning Deidara dipped his head in, brushing his lips against hers with the smallest smile on his face, oh how he loved to tease her. When he pulled away her face was a mask of dissapointment, “that wasn’t really a kiss Deidara-kun.” He tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow like he was questioning her before laughing again at the crestfallen look on her innocent face.

“Alright, alright. Close your eyes, hm.” She did as he was told, clenching the long grass in-between her fingers in ready anticipation. He smiled down at her and then, as gentle as he could, he pushed his mouth into hers. She captured his bottom lip between hers and sweetly swept her tongue across. His hands flitted around her jaw, brushing his fingers towards her neck as he leaned over the small girl. He pulled away before sinking back down for another swift kiss on her rosy lips. When he looked back over at her he noticed happily her cheeks were the color of a strawberry, healthy and thrilled.

“Thank you Deidara-kun, for everything.” She murmured, her eyes half lidded and heavy with absolution. His fingers lingered on her collarbone before he nodded, normally he would have snorted and told her he didn’t know what she was talking about but this time he couldn’t. Because maybe, he felt the same way…

Deidara’s eyes fluttered open, automatically falling into that narrow line of vision when he thought of something bitter. But this was anything but bitter. It was a favorite memory of his from when they were back in Iwagakure, the smallest of kisses had led to the biggest epiphany he had ever had. He loved her from the beginning, it had always been love. Slowly he tilted his head, watching sadly as Nezumi’s eyes clenched tighter shut, she was dreaming something bad, like she did every night. It was late in the evening still and tomorrow was the day they were to feign her death.

Not try, they were going to do it.

But a part of him still wondered if he would have the courage to let her leave. Thinking back, her face back then was fuller, she was full of life and laughs and she was genuinely happy. She never really laughed anymore, hell, she hardly even smiled. His fists clenched under the blankets and he rolled on his side so he couldn’t see her anymore. “I’m sorry Nezumi.” She didn’t hear him, she was fast asleep in a darker world than this. “I’m sorry.” This was his fault, he was the reason she always had an injury on her body. Wasn’t that him who killed the drunk that had marred her milky flesh so long ago? For what reason?

It seemed so long ago he could hardly remember but he knew his actions made him no better than that scum back then. “I’m sorry,” he muttered again clenching even harder. Wasn’t it him who told her nothing would touch her again, that she was safe? What the hell was a promise if it couldn’t even be kept. Maybe her mother was right, she should have stayed back and she should have stayed a waitress at a small failing tea shop. At least then he wouldn’t have been around to steal away her precious life. It was all thanks to selfish reason that she was in a place like this now. “I’m so fucking sorry.” She said he didn’t care, that he didn’t ever cry.

What a lie, he cried more than she did, every night when these haunting memories led him into a hole of guilt. He cried every time he saw her sleeping with that same frustrated and empty look on her face. He was ashamed but hell if it didn’t tear his heart in two. No matter what though, when she was awake he couldn’t bear to show her that weakness, even as much as she desperately wanted to see if he was still human.

It was better if she thought he was nothing but an empty vessel now. Maybe she’d want to leave.

He angrily brushed away the wetness that leaked down his face. This is stupid, completely and utterly stupid, he closed his eyes in anger and willed himself to fall back asleep. Tomorrow I’ll fix what I’ve done, and he slipped back into that angry void.

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I woke with a start and looked around at my surroundings only to have my eyes fall shut in dissapointment. It was only a dream, a dream of home and Kaa-san and Tou-san. I rested back on my elbows and let out a loud sigh, so today was the day I was due to die. Supposedly. To my left was Deidara, his mouth parted open with the sound of light snoring. He looked like such a child, so innocent and sweet. I brought my useless hand to my face and clenched a fist, how stupid it looked when three of them closed and the other two didn’t move at all. One day I hoped I would wake up and be able to move my hand fully again, today was obviously not that day.

Deidara stirred in his sleep, turning over and throwing his arm around my stomach and suddenly my heart jolted. I threw my hands to my face and sobbed violently into my hands as if this one thought had brought me down to earth at just how completely horrible everything had gone. “Eh, what’s going on? Are you…crying?” He opened his eyes halfway and frowned. He hated tears, he hated emotion, sometimes it felt like he just flat out resented me.

How heartless.

“Deidara-kun, I will never-I will…”Another sob ripped through my words and I slunk down deeper under the covers. Maybe I was losing my mind.

“Spit it out, yeah?” As quickly as he had woken up he was losing his patience. It was something I noticed around Deidara, if you were prepared to cry then you damn well be prepared to talk about it.

“I will never-never be able to teach you to paint. It’s no fair that you taught me how to sculpt, we made a promise didn’t we?” His eyes widened and then quickly looked away, softly his hands wrapped around my own and pulled it from my wet face. He scrunched up his eyes again when he caught sight of the absolute pain that marred my face. Back then, as he remembered I knew, when he was teaching me how to sculpt those impossible clay butterflies it was only because he agreed to let me teach him to paint. It was something I rather looked forward to seeing if not just the fact that I would get to spend time with him and show him my own skill. But now, with this, I wouldn’t be able to do so much as teach him how to draw a straight line. His arms wrapped around my shaking body and quietly he murmured sweet words into my tousled hair. Things along the lines of, ‘everything is fine’ and ‘it’s not the end of the world’. Which was easy for a person with two working hands to say.

Even if his had two extra mouths in them.

A knock on our door pulled us apart and for a brief second stopped the sobbing in my throat. “Who is it?” Deidara called out, obviously unhappy with the interruption. “I swear, if it’s Tobi I’m going to snap his neck.” He murmured, eyes narrowed towards the unmoving door. I watched the door handle turn and it flung open, revealing non other than Sasori.

“Am I interrupting?” He smirked, looking my red face over with distaste. Before Deidara could retort Sasori crossed his arms and nodded his head. “You’re coming with me today, the girl stays here.” He moved to turn away but Deidara stood up and snarled at him.

“I’m not leaving her here alone with these fucking idiots! You know as well as I do Hidan is just waiting for a chance to make his move.” Sasori’s head tilted over his shoulders and he gave the smallest of shrugs.

“That’s not my problem and, as you know, orders are orders.” The blonde boy stood straight, ready to say something more when Sasori once again cut in with more words. “Besides, she won’t be alone. Not all of us find it amusing to prey on the weak.” His eyes flickered towards mine briefly and he walked away. Deidara muttered something to me but I didn’t hear it. I was too busy trying not to cry again. It was all about self pity these days, so it seemed. Cry about this, cry about that, I’m sure everyone was getting sick of it. With a nod I responded to Deidara who excused himself for a shower, inviting me along but I politely declined. I didn’t want it, instead I got out of bed and quickly pulled on my yellow dress. My bind had long ago broke but since my breasts were well undersized I found it easier not to worry about it. Besides feeling indecent I realized it didn’t make much of a difference. While I had the time I picked up the room, folded Deidara’s cloak and lay out the rest of his garments. All of them including a newly sown fishnet shirt, his over the shirt which rose few inches above his belly button and not too far from under his ribs. Something I always found odd.

“You cleaned.” It wasn’t a question but a statement and I raked my eyes up Deidara’s damp body with obvious hunger. Now was not the time for such carnal action. His long blonde hair clung to his chest in random design and every muscle in his stomach and arms seemed to be taut with anxiety, it worked well. Even the towel he had wrapped around his body hung low on his hips and I found myself staring at the chiseled lines that flowed from his hips down to…there. I turned away with cheeks hotter than hell.

“Y-yes, I figured I could do something to help.” I heard the towel drop and he walked over to his clothes, apparently not noticing how warm it had gotten in the room. Even when I know I’m about to die I still find the time to leer. Disgusting, what happened to my manners? I didn’t look again until after he was dressed and standing in front me, full on uniform and everything. “Are you leaving now?” I asked hopelessly. He bent on one knee and kissed me lightly on the forehead.

“Stay in here alright, I don’t want you out there with those people, hm. They’ll eat you alive.” I promised quietly and with another firm kiss on the mouth he left through the door, sparing me one last daring look before the door shut with a bang. I didn’t want to go out there but I was literally dying of hunger. Everyone said I was skinny before but now I just looked emaciated. Ribs were showing through my skin and my hips jutted out like daggers. If I didn’t find nourishment I would no sooner become some kind of walking skeleton, and no one loves the dead. I waited a good hour before I finally decided to play my cards and leave the room.

My mind had been missing for several weeks now so it didn’t phase as much as it should. I’m sure something was screaming not to leave inside of me but I’m afraid my common sense left not too long after my bravery did. I stood up and edged towards the door, cracking it open with the slight of hand. I looked out with one eye and watched as the silver haired man walked up the hall waving around his scythe and yelling something I didn’t understand.

I shut the door quickly and had my back to it even quicker.

I couldn’t go out there, who was I kidding, he was just waiting to finish me off and for what? A god? False realities, it’s what they all seemed to live under. The sound of my stomach brought me back to the now and subconsciously I reached a hand to my belly. Flat lines and pointed bone, I needed food. “Besides, she won’t be alone. Not all of us find it amusing to prey on the weak.” Sasori’s words had to mean something, after all, when he looked at me I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of truth behind those cold, cold eyes. I bit my lip and opened the door, sticking close to the wall as I made my way down the corridor. The plan was to get some food and retreat, back into hiding away.

It’s really a shame luck has never had a thing for me.

“Nezumi-chan! Up so bright and early as always, have you had breakfast yet?” Tobi’s voice shattered my hopeful bubble and I stared at him with a look of absolute horror on my face. “What? Does Nezumi-chan not like breakfast?” He scratched at his head and my own dropped down, eyes never closing and I took in the rough concrete design. After all I’m sure it was the last thing I’d see.

Now I realized how stupid a thought it was, to think I could come in and out in hiding. I was in a cave full of shinobi, someone was bound to hear me. I slightly felt insulted realizing Tobi was the first.

“Oi, what the hell are you yelling about?! Do you realize what fucking time it is Tobi!?” I would recognize that voice anywhere and the minute I heard it I turned back to my room. But I was too late, that laugh cut in first before I could get close enough. These people were faster than lightning and my hair was tangled in his fingers faster than I had time to scream. “I’m so sick of trying to hurt you, stop fucking running!” He yanked back hard and I hit the ground with a loud out cry, my head hit the floor and for a minute I couldn’t even see. “Wouldn’t you rather be dead by now?” He asked loudly, looking at me in mild disbelief. It led me to believe his manic obsession with me is because he couldn’t wrap his mind around how I felt, how I thought. Like it was so unbelievable that someone could care about another as much as I did. And it scared him, and made him hate me for it. That was the way these simple minded people worked. Change is no good and everything but your own opinion must be wrong and dealt with appropriately. In his case, if he hurt me his problem was gone.

“What could you possible gain from this?” I stuttered, growing uneasy as he stared down me in confusion. “I’m nothing to you.” I said, using Deidara’s own words. He frowned even deeper and sunk in low.

“I’m indebted you see, I kill to survive, literally. And you just happen to be an easy target.” He sneered, unlatching the scythe from his back and swinging it forward. “If you think about, you’ll be doing me a favor. And isn’t that what people like you live for, pleasing others?” He grinned and I shrunk back. I had one last weapon and if that didn’t work well, I guess I’d be dead for good this time.

“But-but your leader’s orders! You can’t kill me!” Everything paused and I opened one eye to see his smile grow wider.

“Stupid girl, He’s their leader not mine, I only answer to my Lord Jashin. I’d kill that bastard they called leader if I got the chance. After all, what can he do to me, kill me?” His inhuman laugh filled the walls and without breaking he brought the scythe down upon me like an ax. I shut my eyes waiting for impact but the sound of metal clashing against metal rained down upon my brain. A flash of black blinded my vision as I opened my eyes, that red and black cloak fluttered in front of me and I realized at once who my savior was.

“Are you really so desperate that you’ve reduced yourself to killing anything that moves?” A cold voice broke the tension and Hidan’s eyes widened in sudden disbelief. His smile faltered and his scythe was brought back along with his hands, his mouth curled in rage.

“This is none of your concern Uchiha! Get the hell out of my way before I kill you too.” He growled and bent lower. Hidan was apparently not one to give up, as this was his third attempt at trying to kill me off. I watched Itachi flip the kunai back into his sleeve and he stood tall, sizing up Hidan carelessly. Even to my surprise I watched Hidan step back in fear. He snapped his head back suddenly, trying to catch sight of the person walking towards us. It was a man I had only seen briefly, his tanned skin was mostly covered by a facial cloth that wrapped around and attached to a piece that covered his hair. All I could see from here were those chilling eyes that looked discolored.

“We’re leaving, stop playing.” He didn’t even bother looking down at me, it was almost as if he were used to this kind of thing. Hidan made a defiant noise with his mouth before reattaching his scythe and turning away. He didn’t speak again and soon, to my relief, he was gone. I didn’t realize I wasn’t breathing until I started feeling lightheaded. Unwillingly, my body crumpled to the floor and I clasped a hand to my chest. Maybe now that man would stop chasing me like some sort of hungry cat. It sure would do good on my frame of mind.

“I think I might need something to eat.” I said, earning a rather dead stare from the tall man. He made a small noise and walked down the hall, I took it as my cue and followed him as quickly as I could.

I didn’t even remember to thank him, how rude.