Take Me to Infinity

It was only the second day, but Autum could slowly feel herself drifting into the role of a housewife. Kandi was right; she needed to get out of the apartment.

But everyone she knew was busy. Kandi was at work, and James had to make an appearance at some young Hollywood event. Autum had even considered hanging out with Logan, but the split-second thought vanished when James mentioned something about being with him. Autum was honestly a little relieved; she wasn’t a fan of awkward situations. She was just the type of person that makes an already awkward situation even more awkward.

Then Autum thought about going out shopping, like maybe she could just wander the streets of L.A. like she and Kandi constantly did back home. The city was far too vast, so she knew she would get lost somehow. Plus she had the feeling that people didn’t do much aimless wandering around Los Angeles.

Television had gotten old pretty quickly. Autum felt that if she saw even one more child molester claim the lie detector on the Steve Wilkos Show was wrong, she would probably throw up the Nutrigrain bar she’d eaten for lunch.

Quite frankly, she was tired of Tyra Banks only focusing on the problems of African American girls. White girls have problems too.

Autum knew when she spent ten minutes deciphering Heidi Montag’s relationship with Spencer Pratt on The Hills that the satellite signals were somehow frying her brain.

So instead of allowing the television to continue to steal her soul, Autum did something that she never thought she’d be able to do willingly. She cleaned.

Chemicals wafted their way up her nose as she scrubbed the dirty tiled kitchen floor, the familiar scent both nauseating and intoxicating at the same time. She had to admit that she was getting a little giddy off the fumes, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing in her mind.

To be honest, Autum had never really cleaned anything aside from her room. Her grandmother did most of the cleaning when she was still staying at home, and she knew that Kandi’s mother had sheltered her in that exact same way. They weren’t helpless; they could take care of themselves. Sometimes Autum couldn’t help but think that this cross-country move was just another test they’d set up for themselves, just to see if they could make it out in the world on their own.

The score was still a little up in the air. Kandi had a job, but it wasn’t what she came out to do. Autum was apparently unhireable, so she wasn’t even remotely sure what she should do now. If she was a little more toned, she might have gone as far as to strip.

At least they made good money.

And no one’s ever really been a former stripper-turned-singer. It would give her that white trash appeal.

Okay, now she was beginning to realize that maybe she was huffing too much Pinesol.

With her arms folded behind her head and her legs bent at the knee, Autum stared up at the ceiling, watching the fan make its revolutions as the blades’ shadows flickered across the off-white ceiling. Maybe the reason she was so glued to the television all day was because she was trying to keep her mind off of things. Now, in the absence of distractions, she couldn’t keep her mind from wandering. Did she really even want this? As much as she sorted through her brain, you would expect she’d know the answer, but she didn’t. White space was all that filled her mind. She almost wished her brain was a Magic Eight Ball; if she just shook around her thoughts enough, maybe the answer would float up and everything would be instantly clear.

Her brain was a scattered pile of clothes, not an Eight Ball.

Then there was James. Being around him was just one huge contradiction. She felt both effortless and frantic at the same time; he was both a comfort and an instigator to her. Even though he didn’t mean wrong, but he turned her emotions into a jumbled wreck. Maybe this was just a taste of being Kandi: so many emotions screaming for attention in her head that it was hard to just focus on one. Autum hated that feeling more than anything. She liked to be able to think things through instead of letting situations get the best of her.

Autum did not come out there to date an actor, but she couldn’t deny how happy she felt around James.

On the flipside, she still loved Brad, and she doubted that those feelings would ever go away. It wasn’t really fair to James for her to be with him when she didn’t feel that way about him. He was pretty though, and it never hurt to have a back-up.

Sitting up and giving her hair a toss, Autum realized that her problems weren’t going to be solved anytime soon, so she set her focus on something more productive, like cleaning the rest of the apartment.

It didn’t take her long to clean the kitchen; they hadn’t done much cooking since they’d moved in. That’s what happened when you threw a couple failures as adults into the same living quarters, they lived on takeout. The living room was a completely different story.

Being the biggest room in the house that was the furthest along on the décor scale, the living room was the most used room in the apartment. The only television in the house was located there, and it was the place where they spent most of their time just chilling. Coffee mugs and beer bottles littered the glass coffee table, and an empty pizza box was tucked between the couch and the end table. Autum darted around the room, grabbing up all the trash and dirty dishes she could carry.

She didn’t really notice how dirty the warm beige carpet was until she ran a vacuum over it. Halfway through the room, she had to empty the container, the majority of it being sand tracked in from their beach excursions. It was hard work cleaning the room, but Autum felt good about getting something done.

She was planning on cleaning the two bedrooms and bathrooms, but she figured it would be better to save some for tomorrow. Fresh air was what Autum really needed, and the sunbeams trickling through the window almost called to her, beckoning for her to go outside.

So that’s just what she did; she changed into some acceptable clothes and went down to the pool.

Once again, Autum was amazed at the emptiness of the area. She figured the pool would be buzzing with activity, but she was the only one there, and she didn’t consider herself to be that buzz worthy. She had no complaints; she preferred her privacy anyway.

Autum slid off her gold sandals before plopping down on the hot cement and dangling her legs off the side. The chilly water engulfing her toes was a nice contrast to the searing sensation of hot concrete against her thighs.

There was a light breeze in the air, and Autum could see the palms lining the pool area sway gently to the right. Even though the sun was at its peak, it wasn’t really that hot, or it was more a different type of heat than what Autum was used to. Instead of the drooping humidity that was famous in the south, Los Angeles had a dry heat that was much more tolerable.

As her legs treaded water, Autum automatically wished she had thought to bring down a pair of sunglasses. The bright sunshine was glaring straight in her line of sight, and she had to squint her brown eyes in order to make out anything around her. She leaned back onto her elbows and stared up at the clouds floating overhead, wondering if you could even see the stars at night there.

In the back of her mind, she already knew the answer. They couldn’t even see the stars if they were in the city back home, why would it be any different here?

A cloud drifted in front of the sun, blocking its glare, and Autum sat back up. Her legs still, she could feel the tiny waves from her treading lap against her calves before everything came to a standstill.

But, of course, her thoughts were racing. She could never just sit still and clear her thoughts. Her mind always wandered off into places that it shouldn’t go, and she couldn’t keep from thinking about the twisted love triangle she’d somehow managed to get herself into.

Maybe this was all happening too fast. Autum didn’t feel like she’d had enough time to adjust to this new lifestyle; she’d just been thrust into it. It was almost like when she learned to swim, how her brother had just thrown her into the pool so that she had to learn for herself.

She just wanted to be single right now, to figure out herself before she got involved with someone else, but Autum had a feeling that would never happen.