Take Me to Infinity

Later that night, Autum found herself stretched out on the living room floor, resting on her stomach as she picked the sausage off of her slice of pizza. Her legs were bent at the knees, and she swung them back and forth in the air impatiently.

Kandi was curled up in the armchair, her legs dangling over the arm as she gnawed off a chunk of doughy crust from her slice. A neat pile of pepperoni slices sat on one side of her paper plate, the distinct orangey puddle of grease gathering up around the area.

It was just another one of their quirks. Autum’s topping of choice had always been pepperoni, while her roommate despised it. Kandi preferred sausage, but Autum couldn’t eat it, so they usually ended up getting their pizzas with both toppings and just picking off whatever they didn’t like.

Logan was stretched out on the couch with his arms folded behind his head. James sat on the opposite side of the sofa with Logan’s bare feet resting in his lap.
The almost too familiar sound of rich girls bickering exuded from the television’s speakers, but James seemed to be somewhere else. His honey eyes stared towards the screen, but Autum could tell he wasn’t really paying any attention to what was going on. For a moment she wished she could read his mind.

While James was in some other universe, Logan’s eyes were focused on the screen. His expression mirrored Kandi’s perfectly, whenever she wasn’t involved in her cheesy, carbohydrate-loaded love affair, that is. Autum couldn’t help but laugh a little to herself. The smirk that played across her lips gave her away.

“What are you laughing at?” Kandi asked as she leaned over to set her empty plate on the coffee table.

“Nothing. I just can’t believe we’ve almost eaten through two pizzas,” Autum lied as her eyes landed on the only three pizza slices left in the second cardboard box.

Kandi shrugged. “Eh, I’m not really surprised,” she muttered before shifting her attention back to her show.

Autum let out a low sigh, but it wasn’t in exasperation or frustration or any of the other negative emotions that had been taking over her thoughts lately. In some strange way, she felt comforted by the slow lull of a routine that was beginning to become her life in Los Angeles. If she really stepped out of the moment and considered the big picture, she would have thought her feelings were odd. These people were beginning to feel more and more like some surrogate family. Strangely enough, Autum was even beginning to warm up towards Logan. Finding his clothes randomly around the apartment or the fact that he never closed the bread back correctly after he made a sandwich didn’t bother Autum as much as usual.

She did wonder exactly how much clothing he had that he could just leave bits and pieces of his wardrobe everywhere, but who was she to judge?

Kandi was still the same, only Kandi-er, which Autum hadn’t thought was even possible.

As Autum was taking stock of the people around her, she couldn’t help but wonder what they thought of her, if she was any different. She didn’t feel altered, but she suspected that no one really realized when they changed. It was just one of those things where you look in the mirror and think to yourself, “Wow. I am not the same person I was when I was *insert life stage here*.”

Maybe she needed to change. Change wasn’t always necessarily a bad thing. Maybe that was the problem with Autum, she never changed. Time was passing, she was aware of that, but she never felt differently. The more she thought about it, the more Autum realized that she hadn’t felt any older on her past two birthdays.

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen. It was all the same to her.

A hushed silence had fallen over the dimly lit room, and Autum glanced quickly at Kandi to see if she had asked her anything.

She hadn’t. She and Logan were still staring wide-eyed at the fucking TV. Their mouths were hanging slightly agape in disbelief at whatever dramatized event had just flickered across the screen.

Autum’s gaze landed on James, who was now eating a slice of pizza. The distant look in his eyes had vanished, replaced by the warm glow that Autum was becoming infatuated with.

And Autum felt change. As she was mulling over all of life’s mind-fucks, she could almost feel some sort of light switch flip on in the back of her mind. Why couldn’t she take a chance on James? He wasn’t exactly her type the tiny voice in the back of her head fired back in response.

Okay, so maybe Autum wasn’t exactly into the whole dating an up-and-coming actor thing as much as Kandi, but so far, her “type” hadn’t really worked out for her. She just knew in her gut that if she ignored her feelings about James, she would eventually be weighed down by the baggage of what ifs.

A duet of “OH MY GOD!”s shook Autum from her internal tug-of-war. Her brown eyes darted over to the other side of the room where Logan and Kandi sat, their eyes transfixed on the screen.

“Okay, what the hell just happened?” Autum asked as she propped herself up on her elbows. She casually tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

Kandi glanced sideways at Logan before the words sputtered out. “Spencer just totally started screaming at Audrina for no reason. We think he’s finally going completely insane.”

Logan nodded slightly as he folded his arms across his chest and sank back into the couch.

“He went ‘completely insane’ seasons ago if you ask me,” Autum smirked, letting her body slump back into its former position.

“The dude just started crying from anger. The vein in his neck was throbbing and everything,” Logan explained. He clenched and unclenched his fist near his neck to illustrate the intensity.

“I still think it’s totally fake.”

Logan’s dark eyes widened. “You can’t fake that kind of crazy.”

Autum just shook her head, but a look of awe flashed in Kandi’s eyes, like someone finally understood what she had been trying to get across to everyone all this time.

“I know right!” she announced before slowly reverting back into her normal TV zombie self.

If things didn’t work out between them, maybe they could still watch The Hills together…at his place. Autum was tired of being Kandi’s go-to when it came to her reality television-centered rants. She had to admit that all of the exaggerated drama was a little entertaining, like junk food for your brain.

Autum glanced up at the analog clock that hung just above the TV; it was just a few minutes after eleven. Even though Autum usually stayed up until two, sometimes even three, in the morning, she was feeling a little tired.

Of course, Kandi happened to notice this the fifth time Autum tried to stifle a yawn.

“You tired already? Usually I’m the one who passes out at this time,” she laughed as she twirled a loose strand of hair around her finger.

“Yeah,” Autum chuckled as she stretched out her arm. “I don’t know why though, probably because I barely did anything all day. I’m so lazy.”

“I’m not gonna say anything,” Kandi said with a smile as she got up and walked towards the kitchen.

“Why aren’t you in bed already? Don’t you have to be up early for work?”

Autum could hear her friend digging around in the refrigerator before she heard any sort of response.

“I have tomorrow off, gonna go try to ace some auditions.”

Autum rolled her eyes slightly, but not enough for anyone to notice. “Whatever, I’m going to bed.”

As Autum began to get up, she heard James shuffle around on the couch.

“I think I’d better be heading back to the apartment myself. It is getting kinda late,” he said, glancing at the clock before he stood up.

“Oh okay, I can walk you to the door,” Autum replied as she tried to keep her tone casual. She couldn’t help but feel like she sounded like some deranged lunatic.

From the corner of her eye, Autum could see the motion of Kandi taking James’s former spot on the couch.

The kitchen was dark, and the gray linoleum tile felt cold beneath Autum’s bare feet. As soon as she opened the door, a stream of light from the hall flooded the dim apartment.

James slowly walked out to join Autum in the warm hallway, and Autum instantly closed the door behind him. She wasn’t exactly the best at sneaking around….or lying….but she was sure she’d have to do her fair share of both if things went her way with James.

Practice makes perfect though, right?

Autum tried not to stare at her toes as James hovered over her expectantly. Sucking in a tiny breath, her eyes met his, and she knew exactly what she had to do.

“So are you doing anything tomorrow?” she asked as she tried to keep her voice steady. Autum had never asked out a guy before; they usually tended to do all of the chasing.

“Nope.” He shook his head, which caused his shaggy hair to fall into his light brown eyes. “You got any plans?”

Autum sighed and thrust her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “Not exactly, but I was thinking maybe we could hang out? I really do need to get out of this apartment.” Her voice lightened into a soft laugh at the last bit.

“Definitely. Maybe I could show you around town and we could go out for dinner or something? I’m sure anything’s better than the pizza you guys have been loading up on.”

“Oh god, I don’t even want to think about it,” Autum laughed, her eyes traveling down to the end of the hallway. Another guy and girl seemed to be having the exact same conversation at the other end of the hall. “But it sounds great. Just text me tomorrow and we can meet up.”

“Alright, see you then,” James said as he turned away.

As he walked towards the elevator, he looked back and flashed her a lopsided grin.

Autum felt the back of her head hit the coral wall as she laughed to herself, and it wasn’t such a bad feeling.