Take Me to Infinity

Autum and James ended up watching a marathon of World’s Dumbest and falling asleep head-to-toe on the couch. Autum woke up in the middle of the night and spread a throw over a sleeping James before tiptoeing back into her bedroom to get some real sleep. Couch sleep never really left anyone feeling rejuvenated.

She could remember hearing Kandi moving around in her room, probably getting ready for work, and then hearing Kandi and James’s muffled voices, but she brushed it off and drifted back into her dreams.

When she awoke, Autum automatically glanced at the clock; it was almost noon. She groaned to herself and quickly ran a hairbrush through her hair before she stepped out into the living room.

The bright light streaming in from the window was almost blinding; the sun hung in its highest position over the city of Los Angeles.

It felt a little strange, being alone in the apartment and not waking up to her roommate’s high-strung voice. Autum dragged her feet as she walked into the kitchen, peering into the refrigerator in hopes of finding any kind of fruit juice. She settled for the jug of grape juice pushed against the back wall of the refrigerator.

Autum had never been much of a coffee person, with the exception of a select few Starbucks elixirs. The taste was just too bitter for her to ever enjoy it. According to Kandi, it was something you got used to, but Autum couldn’t tolerate it enough to try.

It was after she sat at the small kitchen table and began drinking her juice that Autum noticed that James had left. She didn’t blame him; she would’ve gotten bored waiting around for herself to wake up too.

Autum considered calling Kandi but didn’t want to get her friend in trouble on her first day. Instead, she plopped down on the couched and watched Jerry Springer. Watching other people live their white trash fairy tale lives made Autum feel a little bit better about her position in life, as awful as it sounded. She wouldn’t have been surprised in the least if one of her relatives happened to pop up on the raunchy show.

Just as a man was about to throw a punch at a transsexual, Autum heard her phone vibrate against the glass paned coffee table.

“Hello?” she answered, trying her best to sound chirpy when she actually felt more like a zombie.

“Hi Autum, it’s Jane Roberts from Epic Records calling to inform you that unfortunately we’ve decided to go with another person for the reception position. We will keep your resumé on file and contact you if any new positions open up,” the older woman’s voice rang over the airwaves. She sounded perfectly chirpy even though she was practically crushing Autum’s dreams.

Fair enough, she didn’t really want to be a receptionist anyway.

“Well thanks for taking the time to interview me. I really appreciate it, and I would love to know if any spots open up that fit my skill set,” Autum replied, masking the sharp and sarcastic undertone that was echoing in her mind.

A few other words were traded before both parties went their separate ways.

As much as Autum tried, she couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach and the voice in the back of her mind criticizing her shortcomings. All she really wanted to do was watch some mindless television to numb her brain and gorge herself on ice cream to make the empty feeling disappear.

So that’s what she did. She stole her roommate’s strawberry cheesecake ice cream and went through the entire pint as she finished Springer.

It wasn’t long before she heard her phone buzz again. It took her almost five minutes to psych herself up enough to reach for that phone.

It was a text from James; he wanted to know if she wanted to hang out. Autum’s fingers hovered over the keys. In all honesty, she didn’t really feel like doing anything. For once, she was having what Kandi referred to as a “lazy day.”

And that’s exactly what Autum decided to send to James. She’d never been one for beating around the bushes.

Suddenly Autum felt the urge to smoke. She had been trying to cut down; Kandi hated the stench, so she made her smoke outside, which was a hassle in their complex. That’s when Autum remembered the balcony that just happened to be right outside her bedroom.

The sun beat down on her peeling shoulders as she inhaled the cool burn of menthol. For some reason, her shoulders always peeled after sun exposure, so they constantly remained a shade or two lighter than the rest of her body.

Breathe in, breathe out. The comforting ache flooded her lungs, and her thoughts were instantly stabilized. The nicotine worked its calming effect on her, steadying her trembling hands as she dripped the balcony railing. It was subtle, but it did the trick.

Clouds of smoke circled her head, but they quickly dissipated in the glare of the sun. She kept waiting for Kandi to slam that sliding door open and track her down like a drug dog, but her smoke remained uninterrupted. Maybe this “housewife” thing wasn’t so bad after all.

The strippers were still screaming on Springer, every other word an irritating beep.

Autum threw the green and white pack down on the coffee table as she made her way back into the kitchen. She wasn’t entirely sure why she was standing there; she couldn’t remember what she’d come into the kitchen for, so she just leaned against the counter, listening to the lulling hum of the icemaker.

She soon gave up on her search and slumped back down into the couch, her feet propped up on the back and her head resting against one of the hard arms.

As Jerry Springer faded into Steve Wilkos, Autum began to feel more and more useless. One arm hung lazily over the edge of the couch as she shifted positions. A puddle of drool had collected on the edge of the armrest.

Autum almost jumped when she heard a knock at her door. It was only one-thirty; Kandi didn’t get off of work until four-thirty. At first she thought it was the television, but after a few seconds lapsed, the knock returned, this time more insistent.

Quietly creeping across the kitchen’s linoleum floor, Autum shifted onto the tips of her toes for balance as she peeked out of the tiny peephole. On the other side was a widened and distorted version of a face she was slowly growing accustomed to.

“James,” she greeted him with an underlying tone of false annoyance, her voice clinging onto the first vowel of his name. “I thought I told you I didn’t want to hang out.”

James ducked through the door with a case of beer nestled under his arm. “Yeah, you did, but usually when someone says that they don’t want to hang out, that’s when they need someone around the most.”

Autum stared at him blankly with dead eyes. “I don’t even know what that’s supposed to mean.”

“Are you okay? You’re not looking so well,” he asked, standing back to get a better view.

“Way to kick a girl while she’s down,” she muttered as she stepped past him towards the living room.

“But I brought beer,” he pleaded comically as he held up the case to support his defense.

“I don’t even drink beer,” she said, trying to stifle her giggles as she sat down.

“Way to ruin my bribe,” he muttered as he slid the case into the refrigerator.

James grinned as he leaned against the counter, half of him in the living room while the other half remained in the kitchen.

“Where did you even get the beer? Last time I checked, you weren’t twenty-one yet. I didn’t know I was getting involved with some criminal underage drinker.”

James scoffed, feigning offense. “Kinda sorta stole it from Logan,” he said in a rush.

“Theft? That’s even worse.”

He could only offer her a slight shrug.

Autum had to admit that she was feeling a little better with James around. It might not be going as far as Kandi would’ve liked it to go, but Autum was beginning to consider James a good friend.

“So what’s going on?” he asked as he took a seat beside her on the sofa. James placed two cans of beer on the coffee table. The droplets of condensation ran down the cans and quickly gathered in puddles on the glass pane.

Autum had trouble saying the words aloud as James leaned over onto his elbows. His caramel brown eyes stared at her expectantly, and his hands folded together, fingers intertwined into a ball resting on his knees.

“That woman at Epic called today,” she sighed. Her eyes focused on the analog clock hanging above the TV, the scrawny second hand just ticked along as it brought time full circle. The incessant ticking was making Autum even more anxious, so she turned her attention to James. “I didn’t get the job.”

A muted breath escaped his lips as he pulled her into a warm hug. More than anything, she wanted to cry, but she could never let him see her like that.

“It’ll be okay,” he mumbled against her hair. “There’s plenty of jobs in L.A. I’m sure you’ll find something way better than some lame desk job.”

“I doubt it. I have practically no experience.”

“Everyone’s gotta start out somewhere,” he said with a shrug. “You might have to work a couple jobs you hate for a while, but sooner or later, you’ll find what you’re meant to do. I’m a strong believer in fate. You know, ‘everything happens for a reason’ and all that shit.”

Autum couldn’t help but laugh at the way he said it. “I’m glad someone does.”

“So…let’s watch some TV! There has to be something on that will make you feel even a smidgen better,” he announced as he reached for the remote. He settled on some show that showcased various home videos of people getting hurt.

“At least you’re not getting your nonexistent nuts crushed, right?” he asked, hope filling his every feature.

Autum chuckled softly to herself before she uttered, “James?”

His soft brown eyes looked down at her, a faint smile on his lips.

She couldn’t help it. He just looked so sickly beautiful. His eyes were filled with every single positive thing known to man. Hope, optimism, kindness, sincerity, and love swirled around in those gold-flecked irises.

So Autum kissed him. She just pressed her lips against his and didn’t think about anything. Her mind just became one huge black hole. Nothing mattered anymore, not her lack of work, her breakup with Brad, or the foreign feeling of being in a new city. A city that was so enormous that it blew her mind when she really thought about it.

All that mattered was the here and now. It was her first taste of living in the moment, and it wasn’t half bad. Kissing an incredibly cute boy could never be a bad thing, so what if she got a little to existential in the process.

Autum pulled away, and as soon as her eyes met James’s, there was a slight air of laughter ringing through her voice.

“Please don’t tell anyone about what just happened.”