Imprint

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, I opened up my journaling notebook and flipped it open to a fresh page. With my right hand, I scrounged around in my backpack for a pencil or a pen or even a crayon; My fingers closed around a black ballpoint and I pulled it from the bag. Somewhat fervently, I uncapped it and with its slick, dark ink, I began to spill my thoughts out across the paper…

Thursday, December 19th, 2008.

So, it seems that Christmas is not sweeping La Push like I’d like it to. Everybody’s grumpy and tense, except Kristina and Embry who are sickly in love with each other or something. Jeremy keeps getting on my nerves, wondering about whether we should match or not. I’m starting to wonder if there’s a limit to how many times I can say, “I don’t care…”

On the (bright?) side, Jacob’s not happy either. Sure, it’s pretty grinch-y to take pleasure from his pain, but when it’s entirely Mandie’s fault, you can’t really blame me for being reassured.

So yeah, I’m a grinch. But honestly, it’s not my fault! So many things have just gone sour recently:

1. Jacob + Mandie = Ew.
2. Mandie’s a horrible tutor. Smart people don’t understand dumbness.
3. All of my friends are being antisocial towards me, it seems. They’re always going out and leaving me behind. Even Kristina, my previous exclusion buddy, is now being included. I feel so alone. *sad face*
4. Because of that, I’ve been spending more time with Jeremy, who is too much like a Chihuahua for my liking.
5. I’ve been eating my feelings and thus I am bloated.

So yeah, basically everything sucks. Sigh. Well, here’s to hoping tomorrow -- A.K.A. the last day of the school year, yay! -- will not be as suck-ish.

I put down the pen and sighed again (this time, in real life). Quietly, I wished that I didn’t have only a couple of friends who were obviously already tight-knit before I showed up. Of course they’re going to do things alone, they’re like a family, for goodness’ sake!

Frustrated, I buried myself in the covers and turned off the light. There’s no sense in trying to make the next day cheerful in a sleepless zombie stupor, I suppose. Sleep, here I come.

The next morning was disappointingly devoid of excitement. Wake up, shower, dry self, makeup, get dressed, eat breakfast, grab stuff, leave house, blah, blah, blah. Before I knew it, I was walking into first period and I couldn’t remember how I had gotten there.

“Oh well. Brace yourself for boredom as always,” I mumbled to myself as I sat down in my window seat without acknowledging anyone else.

Biology was yet another episode of The Doldrums of Heather’s Life: Teacher rambles, gives pop quiz. Curse self for not studying the night before, guess 80% of the answers, predict C+, frown. Doze. Bell. Rise. Up and out.

As I slithered the short distance through the halls toward room 370, I thought about my halfhearted written promise from the night before. Obviously, I wasn’t living it out. In fact, I felt like some depressed, mope-y teenage girl whose only happiness depended on some guy. It was like I came straight out of a lame made-for-TV movie where the acting is bad and all the people look so made up that they hardly move.

Come on, Heather. Cheer up, girl.

My thoughts shifted to the dance tomorrow. I mean, so what if I made a mistake in matchmaking? I can fix this. Obviously Jake’s not interested in Mandie. And I’m definitely not too into Jeremy. I ought to just grow a pair and let him know how I feel…

Suddenly empowered, I entered the Trigonometry classroom with vigor. Yes, that’s what I would do. I’d tell Jacob everything because this… this grey, this blah feeling enveloping us all, well, it just wasn’t fun. And un-fun is gross. Immediately, my mood was uplifted. I took my usual seat in the back of the room, where already Leah, Kristina and Embry were gathered. According to custom, I would sit third seat from the left, with Jacob on my right and Leah in front of me. Jake and I would pass notes and from time to time I’d play with Leah’s hair, and maybe if we were lucky, we’d learn something.

Oh and speak of the devil, here comes ol’ Jakers now.

He sauntered through the doorway like he owned the place (although I knew it was all an act; Jacob wasn’t nearly as haughty as he put on), cool confidence laced in his smooth baby face. When he caught my eye, he turned his annoyingly yet brilliantly white smile on me, impairing my vision in an obnoxious yet alluring sort of way. Everything about him was a beautiful contradiction. It pleased me to finally understand my feelings, and to just let them wash over me like a wave, even if it meant mentally fawning.

“Jacob, aren’t you ever going to learn that smiling so brightly is hazardous to my health?” I remarked playfully, careful not to let him in on my intentions -- the gut-spilling had to be a surprise.

“Oh,” he bared his teeth like a rabid canine and grunted, “like diiiiiiiis?”

I shielded my face in mock horror. “It burns! Lord have mercy, it burns!”

Our little pack had all arrived by then and was watching Jacob and me make fools of ourselves with mild amusement on their faces. Well, except for Kristina. She was smirking at me with a knowing look that all but screamed, Could you be any more obvious, girl?

I shrugged in her direction and opened my book. A second later, the bell rang, and Trigonometry shenanigans began.

Very, very contented with my decision to shove off my sour mood, the rest of the day was delightful: My classes were spent slacking off, I made everyone at the lunch table laugh twice, and I had concocted a perfect speech to give explaining my undying love for Jacob. The only problem was how to let sweet Jeremy down easy, but he was nowhere to be found, so I figured that could wait. My drive home after school was quick and easy, and since I had zero homework to do, I zoomed upstairs for a well-deserved nap.

Satisfied and giddy as a chipmunk, I settled into the pillows and let the easy rustling of the wind outside lull me to sleep.

j a c o b

Somewhere, far away, I heard bombs. No, not bombs. Thumps. Taps. I opened my eyes and glanced around the room. It was bathed in gold, waves from the setting sun lapping at the corners. One look at my clock confirmed it to be 7:13 p.m.

Another tap.

My hair flew as I whipped my head around to look at my window. The taps were coming from there. But, how? I’m on a second story, at least ten feet up… My thoughts were silenced as I watched the small pebble rise up from nowhere and tink! against the glass.

Before another ambush was launched, I pulled open the window and stuck my head outside and screeched, “Who goes there?!”

A snort came from beneath me.

I looked down at the ground for the culprit and, (should I even be surprised anymore?) before me stood Jacob Black. Granted, he wasn’t alone, so that was a plus. Leah and Quil were with him, and obviously they wanted to get my attention.

“Heather, we’re kidnapping you to come celebrate the end of school for ‘08!” shouted Leah, scrunching her nose like she always did when she focused on something far away. “So, ready yourself and be down in 5 or we’re going to attack!”

“You know that’s probably illegal!” I remarked. “I know you guys’ parents!”

“Cool your jets, Brown,” said Quil.

Jacob finally piped up, “And get your itty bitty patootie down here!”

Let me tell you, eyes were rolled at that comment, specifically the only hazel-sometimes-green ones in the vicinity. But I got ready anyway. I was in such a bustling rush that when I sped down the stairs, I almost ran smack dab into Janice. Being as dramatic as she is -- honestly, I have no idea where she gets it -- she yelped and dropped the phone on the wooden floor, breaking it into 3 different pieces.

“Oh, Heather, dear,” she clutched her chest, “You scared the pants off of me! And you made me drop the phone.” She glared at me a bit on that last part. “Where are you off to?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know, the crew said I have to go celebrate school being over.”

Even the possibility of Leah chaperoning made my mother’s skinny shoulders relax. “Oh, well in that case, just make sure you’re home in time to wake up early tomorrow morning; I have you scheduled to see the greatest hairstylist in Washington, and if you mess it up I will have your head, young lady.”

“Yes ma’am, Janice.” I kissed her swiftly on the cheek before departing, “I love you!”

I closed the door before I could hear her reply, but I know she was smiling happily at her fingers, her own way of saying I love you too.

Jacob was standing alone in my doorway, and past his enormous existence I could barely glimpse the other two waiting at the curb, no vehicle in sight. Confused, I looked up at Jake with an eyebrow cocked.

He read my mind as always, and answered, “Time to get in touch with your culture, Heatharoo. Believe it or not, us Quileutes like to explore the wild. Might be our blood, who knows?” He winked and swung an arm around me to pull me along. “It’s fun, taking in the beauty of the Rez. Especially when you only get to take in my beauty every day. The trees and flowers are jealous.”

I gave him “The Look”: a total and complete look of exasperation that implies “Are you honestly saying this to me right now?” with each raising of my eyebrows.

“Sure, sure, give me ‘The Look’ for making a joke, ya frigid dork-face,” he rolled his eyes and pushed at my head softly with his hand. I tried to fight back but was devastatingly unsuccessful. Our tiny brawl escaladed until finally he just lifted me off the ground and swung me over his shoulder.

“You’ve gotta stop doing this to me, Jacob Black! I will someday find out your middle name and then you’ll be in even more trouble, because I can give you better back-off-or -- ”

All of the sudden I was no longer dangling against my will, but flat footed upon the ground.

“Wilham,” he said simply. “My middle name is Wilham. Kind of like William.”

“But cooler.”

Jake smiled a bit at my appreciation. “I guess so. Well, since you know mine, I have to know yours. You’ve probably already told me but I don’t care enough about you to remember.” Again he winked at me. That’s gotta be the fifteenth time today. I’m starting to get suspicious…

But I shook it off, kept my cool. “Marie, pretty original, yeah?”

“Definitely. Marie’s a pretty name. Not as pretty as Daskiya, though. That’s your new name.”

“Das-kee-wha?”

“Dus-kee-yah, stupid.”

“I’m offended.” I crossed my arms and pouted. By now Quil and Leah had entirely left us to amble around in my driveway. I wasn’t complaining, though. Time alone with Jacob was good time. “But, okay. Daskiya. What does that mean? Flower, ooh or mountain cat? That’d be really cool.”

He stepped away from me, a slight twinge of mischief playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Actually, in ancient Quileute legends… she’s a cannibalistic ogress who captures children and eats them up when they’re bad!” And with that, he took off, sprinting on his inhuman legs of perpetual growth. Enraged, and not about to settle for being called an ogre, I ran after him.

“Wilham! Wilham! I’m going to murder you!”

“Come get me, Ogre lady!”

I saw a flash of red skin dart through the trees, and turned into the forest. It was darker within the leaf fortress, and potentially dangerous, so I slowed down, seeing if perhaps I could sneak up on Mr. Speed. We both well understood the fact that I enjoyed running just as much as I loved sticking needles in my eyes, so Jacob wouldn’t have run off too far. If he were really trying, he could most definitely run circles around me with his eyes closed. He could be halfway to Canada by now, I’m sure. No, he’s definitely in the area. The trick is finding him before he finds me. A branch snapped and I jumped, but it was just a false alarm. It sent a trickle of tickling gooseflesh up my arms and neck, though. I glanced around. The sun had nearly set, and quickly daylight was waning. I had to rely on my 20/20 vision to spot the little devil. Or I could just keep a look out for his insanely shiny, obnoxiously white set of chompers --

“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHR! WE ARE HERE TO EAT YOU UP LITTLE GIRL GRRRRRRAAAARRR!”

I jumped a mile in the air, tears springing from my eyes and a deafened scream swallowed in my throat. The timpani in my chest pounded a symphony and I turned to face my attacker; Which, as it turns out, was three people.

“Le-Leah, you, my own family? And Quil? Quilly baby I thou, I thought you were better than that! What of our friendship?!” I reproached them exaggeratedly, poking each in the chest and panting whilst trying to catch my breath. “No, I’d expect this from Jake, but not you two. I disown you all. I’m going inside.”

I could see the plot clearly now. Lure Heather outside, scare her to death, get a laugh. Well, it was funny once I finally realized I wasn’t about to die, but still. Not very nice.

Like the loyal pet he is, Jacob trotted beside me up the walk to my doorway. I turned around to give the other two a sweet hand gesture I’m sure they both greatly appreciated before smiling sincerely to let them know all was forgiven. Leah saluted me and they both left for their respective houses, since all three lived in separate directions.

The strange boy-man whose insane antics still managed to take my breath away (and, this time in more ways than one, grr) chuckled again and ruffled my hair. Involuntarily, I closed my eyes, appreciating his touch. Then I remembered what I was doing and jumped away a bit, my ears heating up and my nose twitching -- the tell-tale signs of Heather embarrassment.

An odd, devastatingly enigmatic look took over his face, staring at me like I was some sort of memory he was trying to recover, something he once understood but had forgotten. It was really strange and starting to become uncomfortable. He opened his mouth at the same time I did.

“Jake?”
“Heather.”

Then,

“Yes?”
“Oh, no.”

“What is it?” I asked quickly, to avoid speaking at the same time once more.

He said nothing, and instead hunched over, nearly 2 feet shorter than he was before.

Then, he looked directly into my eyes. Big, deep brown met cloudy hazel, new partners in this dance of gazes. His face was getting closer than I was used to, and wow does he have a big head, and I can feel the heat radiating off of him, it’s so warm, what if I start sweating? What’s with those boys anyway, it’s wintertime, and what is he doing and --

He smiled.

“It’s just you.”

And in a second, the beautiful boy planted the lightest of kisses on my forehead, smiled again, and vanished.