The Drowning Year

It was the party of the year. Well at least it was in the beginning. Everyone on the lake hopped in their boats or canoes or hitched a ride with a friend out to the island. Around the island, out where the water was deep enough to jump and swim, were floaters. On the island itself was a few cabins from when there used to be a camp, people set up food and drinks there, and outside the camps in the common area between them all was a dance floor they'd set up. It was the Halloween Bash.

Kids of all ages were allowed to come, but mostly middle schoolers, high schoolers and college students showed up. Parents were a little wary of letting anyone younger or older out alone on the island. The only rule was simple: no booze and no fraternizing. Something that we all agreed to. No one wanted to lose this, so no one acted out during the year or summer, no one went against their parents or disrespected them, and no one let their grades slip.

That Halloween Bash my sister dressed up as Sandy from Grease. Not the innocent sandy of course, but the Pink Ladies jazzed up Sandy from the end of the movie; of course Alex went as Danny. They wanted me to dress up like another one of the Pink Ladies, but I didn't want to feel like scum next to them all night.

Instead I dressed up as the Lady of the Lake that appeared to King Arthur. My dress was a shimmery white, billowing out from under my bust. I covered my face with crystals and glitter along with my collar bone. I remember how much my sister helped me get ready that evening. She kept saying how I'd look so mystical if I jumped from one the floaters and swam to the lake, appearing as if I was the Lady of the Lake; however I wouldn't, I wasn't the type to be spontaneous or adventurous.

I could never forget that night. I was laid out on one of the floaters alone, just staring up at the stars. One of the only places where they could be seen perfectly clear, no lights to block their endless glow. The party was in full swing by then, but the music sounded so faint, so far away, as if I was on one side of a window and they were on the other. It was dark where I was, the pulsing lights too far off to reach my small little island. I felt as if I was the Lady of the Lake, as if I was her. I almost felt as if I could just jump into the water and never come back up again, and actually feel alive for the first time in my life.

I glanced over to the edge of the floater once it started to tip slightly. Someone pulled themselves up onto it, their clothes and shaggy hair dripping down onto the damp wood of the raft. Their breath was ragged from the semi-long distance of water they swam.

“Hi,” he whispered. It seemed as if he was almost afraid to speak aloud, as if the silence would shatter down upon us if his voice was too loud.

“Hello,” I murmured in return, I too afraid to speak much louder. We sat in silence for a long time, the waning moon slipping across the night sky as elegant as a dancer. Before long her laid down next to me gazing at the stars as well.

“They're beautiful. So free and wandering. It's as if no one earthly can reach them, or be on the same level. They're like deities. Gods of the infinite night sky.” I could feel his breath. It was warm, in a tingling sort of way, and it smelt just as warm. Like nutmeg and cinnamon and apple cider. It was a breath of fresh air to all the perfumes I normally smelt. The night itself was chilly, but I felt warm. I remember that much. I couldn't shake the feeling of summer from my bones.

“They are spectacular.”

“You don't say much,” he rolled over onto his side propping himself up on his arm, resting his head on the palm of his hand.

“One shouldn't talk unless one can improve the silence.” his laugh was beautiful, like every bird singing in the spring, like the cicadas chirping during the summer evenings, like owls calling mournfully into the night, it was perfect.

“You amuse me dear Lady of the Lake.” I couldn't contain the small smile that tugged the corners of my lips. “The stars though beautiful can not outshine your beauty. Maybe you are a deity yourself.”

“Flattery is a week attempt of seducing a girl's youth,” I muttered sourly. His words though enchanting, rang false, just like Alex's words. His were meant for someone else, someone that would captivate his heart. I wasn't going to let him steal my breath.

“Your words sting my hear. Is your heart made of ice?” his voice was torn, it seemed.

“I've been told before that my heart cannot be melted, and it seems so.” I felt his chilled fingers trace the top of my cheek, they fluttered gently, leaving a trail of burning steps. I closed my eyes, enjoying the new sensation, only to feel them fly open in fear.

“Emma!” I sat up in a frenzy, glancing around for the boy, and for the source of my name. “Emma! It's your sister!” I stood up on the floater seeing Alex calling to me from the shore. His face was contorted with worry, his finger pointing a floater a good distance away. I saw the chestnut hair shimmering in the moonlit water, her porcelain like skin reflecting diamonds. “Emma you have to save her!” My feet felt frozen to the wood, all too soon my dress felt stiff and unyielding, weighing me down. I glanced back at Alex, his face glistening with tears.

Now I remember why he didn't jump in the water, why he didn't do anything to help her. He couldn't swim, from a childhood fear. Somehow I wish I could have prevented him from being scared, because I knew I would never to be able to jump in to save her. I loathed her being too much. That in itself was my deepest sin, and my deepest regret.

I remember the sirens and the lights of the cruiser boat. The rescue men had drug her floating, bloated corpse to the shore, and did every regulation and rule in the book to preserve her life. Alex was frantic. He paced. He screamed. He cried. He punched someone. I never did find out who, but I do have feelings of remorse for that person, they didn't deserve to be hit in such a manner and not for the reason that they were hit. I still remember the way his eyes looked, a fire blazing in them I'd never seen before. I remember how his eyes connected with mine, and how they bore a hole right through me. “Emma, I wish you would just die,” he seethed before storming off down the beach.

The kids on the island, their faces were all grim. Deathly like, almost resembling skeletons and souls that swam in the underworld with Hades.

Our parents were in a frenzy. Dad was cussing, his mouth moving sloppily, spit spewing from his lips in anger. Mom just sat in her chair, the flowery print swallowing her small frame. She seemed so frail that night, her arms like tiny broken wings, her knees shaking ever so slightly. Her hair was matted to her skull, her nightgown and slippers overwhelmed her tiny being. Dad just paced the living room, his eyes connecting with mine every fifth step, before turning to mom and yelling at her for something completely irrelevant to the situation. In that moment, they never had seemed so old, the lines in their face deepening their beautiful chestnut hair dulling in hue.

“Why can't you just show some emotion Emma! Your sister just died! Don't you give a damn!” I glanced up at him, my lips pulled into a tight line.

“Howard don't speak to her that way! She's in shock!” My eyes flickered over to mom, the sanity within her seemed to snap. She stood up from her chair before making her way into the kitchen, scrambling around to find everything needed to bake something.

“Ellen she's acting as if nothing happened, and now you're cooking, what is the matter with you! You're daughter just drowned while the other one watched!” He followed her into the kitchen, arms flailing, spit flying, temper past boiling.

I can't remember what else was said. All I remember was walking up the stairs to my room, and sitting down at the end of my bed. Tonight was the night that everyone looked forward to. Tonight was the night everyone prayed they could have. Tonight was the Halloween Bash. Tonight was the night my sister died.