Naked
7
The night that Oliver and Karley broke up was the night I saw the band live for the first time. Tom and I had turned sixteen some months ago so was finally allowed in one of the venues in town. It was during the holidays before sixth form started so our parents didn't mind us staying out late. We were going to get the last tram back after the show and I'd stay in the spare room at the Sykes house. I used to sleep on the floor in Toms room but Carol put a stop to that a few years ago. I think she knew that Tom and I weren't like that, but I understood her concerns I guess.
Tom nor I had lost our virginity yet, it was a bit of a sore subject for him. I think he felt pressured, especially after listening to all of Oliver's escapades. I don't think Oliver had really done all of the things he said he had or slept with all those girls, I think he just liked to show off. I hated listening to him talk about it, it was vile.
The truth was, I'd only kissed one boy, Jamey Cooke in the year above me, when we'd gone to a house party last year. Tom and I had drank 2 cans of lager each and I felt swimmy when I found myself behind the garden shed with Jamey. I didn't really know what I was doing, I didn't even like him that way. I think I just wanted to feel like all of the other girls in my year. They all had boyfriends and regularly spent lunch breaks snogging in the school court yard. I bet they'd done other things as well, and I'd not even kissed a boy yet. So when Jamey took my hand and led me to the dark corner of the garden all I wanted was to get it over and done with so I didn't feel so behind everyone else.
Jamey was tall and blond, with wide, muscled shoulders. He played on the school rugby team and I got the impression that he was a bit of a bully. Hence why I didn't like him that much. He said something sloppily about liking me, that I was really pretty. Before I knew it he'd pressed his lips into mine and shoved his tongue in. It was wet and messy, and I didn't know what to do with my hands so they stayed limp at my sides, until Jamey finally pulled away. He smirked at me, clearly he thought he was gods gift. I wiped my mouth and muttered something about finding Tom before I stumbled off back up the garden toward the house. And that was it. My first and last kiss at that point.
We arrived at the venue, a function room above a grubby pub, at 7.30pm. We'd only come because Oliver had asked Tom to photograph the band playing for their MySpace page. Tom asked me to accompany him and though I'd acted indifferent I was secretly excited. I'd heard the band before, from the recordings on their website. They'd grown quite popular locally and played shows around Yorkshire every weekend. I couldn't imagine how Oliver behaved on stage.
Karley came with us, as apparently Oliver didn't like her hanging off his arm whilst they were setting up and doing sound check, so she'd suggested we got ready together.
We got ready at my house, and I felt strangled at the thought of her seeing my room. I tidied it and tried to hide anything that I thought she'd deem as childish and immature. When she arrived she had a backpack with her, she emptied it onto my bed and out fell three things. An animal print makeup bag that looked fit to burst, and two bottles. A bottle of coke and a small glass bottle of clear liquid, Vodka. I'd had a swig once and hated it, it'd made me vomit.
"Got a glass?" Karley asked with a grin, holding a bottle in each hand. She was already sipping from the bottle when I'd returned with two mugs. I handed her one and she poured a mixture into her cup first, then mine.
Karley was wearing a pretty black and white striped dress that clung to the top half of her body and hung loosely passed her waist. A leather jacket was thrown over the end of my bed near her empty backpack.
She noticed me looking. "What're you wearing?" She asked, sounding excited. I lifted up my arms motioning to what I had on. My same old dark jeans and a plain purple top. I know I didn't look as good as Karley.
"Let me look in your wardrobe, Lizzie?" She asked, already helping herself pulling the doors open and flicking through my clothes. I gulped nervously hoping she didn't see the stuffed animal that I'd shoved in there moments before she arrived. She pulled out garments, looking them up and down and every time she put one back I felt more and more embarrassed. I'd tried to hide all that I thought young and childish when in truth, *I* *was* young and childish.
She was a year older than me, a year younger than Oliver. But she seemed older like him, maybe because she went on nights out or smoked cigarettes or wore sexier clothes than me. I suddenly felt very, very exposed with her in my room.
"What about this and this?" She pulled me out of my thoughts and I saw her holding up a grey denim skirt and a lacy long sleeved top. The top was my mums, she'd handed it down to me but I'd never dare wear it. She said it was for when I was older.
"Uh, yeah, okay." I didn't dare argue with her as she squealed in delight. She clattered around my CDs whilst I changed behind my wardrobe door, pulling some sheer black tights on under the denim skirt. She put a disk in the player and as the music started playing Karley bounced around, sipping from her mug.
I watched Karley do her makeup in my mirror, then she sat me down on the edge of the bed and did mine. She told me about the girls at her school and we laughed as she moaned about them and even more when she told me about the moods that Oliver would get in. It was nice. It felt like having a friend, which apart from Tom and a few girls I would speak to in my classes, I didn't really have.
Karley did some fluffing with my hair and then shoved me in front of my full length mirror. I looked at both of us, stood side by side. I wasn't sure what I expected when I saw myself, but I still looked like me, just with too much makeup on. Maybe a little older? I felt silly with all of this on my face.
"Here," said Karley, throwing the black jacket at me from my wardrobe. "You look great, Lizzie."
On the walk to the Sykes house, the conversation turned to our common denominator. Our shared secret.
"So," I began nervously, "does anyone else know. About, you know?"
I watched, but couldn't make much of her expression. "My mum and her boyfriend do." She said, bitterly. "They're right arseholes about it, they keep threatening to ship me off to some hospital and force feed me."
"Can - can they do that?"
"Pfft. They can try. I'm not going anywhere like that, I'd rather die first".
Karley scared me, her words terrified me. I wasn't sure whether to take her last sentence literally. Would that happen to me, if anyone knew? But I didn't look like Karley, not yet. I had weight to lose in the first place, maybe she didn't. Yeah, maybe she just wasn't very careful. I wouldn't get caught.
We met Tom at his garden gate and caught the tram from the next road over. I watched out of the window, the sky turning to night, and a bubbling of excitement started in my stomach. I felt giddy and grown up all of a sudden, my first real "night out". I was excited to see the band. To see Oliver on stage.
Every time Oliver came to mind I would glance at Karley, a pang in my chest. And every time I looked at her, I saw her tiny frame, her long slender arms and legs. I felt stupid stood next to her, fat and ugly and so, so inadequate. I pulled my jacket around me, wishing for a moment that it would swallow me up so that no one would see me.
Matt, one of Oliver's band mates came and met us at the venue door to make sure we got in. He was one of Oliver best friends and was at the Sykes house almost as much as Karley. He was a bit of a git, much like his friend. But he and Tom got on.
"Excited guys?" He grinned back at us as we followed him up the dark stairs to what I assumed the function room upstairs. The place smelled fowl, like sweat and beer. It wasn't too busy yet, people had just started milling in behind us.
When we got upstairs the room was maybe a third full, people stood around holding plastic cups, chatting, gathered around a small stage at one end of the room. At the other side was a small, hatch like bar area with some dark wood doors leading to the restrooms. At the back of the hall was a platform with some weedy looking guys behind what Tom said was the sound system.
I spotted Oliver and his band mates near the stage, joking around. Apart from him he sat on a stool watching but not joining in. He barely even looked at Karley when we met them.
"Alright babe?" She tried to prise herself under his arm but he didn't budge. Tom and I exchanged a glance and stood awkwardly whilst no one notice us.
Matt popped up between us, yet again with a grin and puffed his big, black fringe out of his eyes. "Got you some beers!" He barked over the music at us, passing Tom and I a clear plastic cup each.
Tom smiled at me, taking a big swig. I looked around, for any staff that may see but we were hidden in a crowd of people now. My heart skipped a little with nerves, worried we'd get caught or kicked out. Suddenly I spotted Oliver staring at me with an eyebrow cocked.
"What's the matter, Liz, you a lightweight?" He smirked, finally. Karley crossed her arms, looking moodily at the ground.
I didn't reply, but instead just a large gulp, praying I wouldn't be sick. I still didn't really like the taste of any alcohol. But I didn't want any of Oliver or his older friends thinking I was a baby. Oliver's smirk dropped as his mates called him a twat for picking on me.
We stood about for a while, listening to the bands banter, Tom, Karley and I mostly silent. During this time the room really filled up, and we were forced to stand closer together in our little group. Before the guys, another band were playing. I didn't know what to make of them, I willed for their set to hurry up and finish. As they wrapped up their last song, I turned to watch Oliver from the corner of my eye. He was downing a cup of beer, looking up at the stage. I wonder if he was nervous.
"Oi," Tom elbowed me. He had his camera around his neck. "Don't let Karley catch you staring like that."
"What are you talking about?"
Tom rolled his eyes, "Whatever Lizzie. I'm off to the front to take the photos. You alright here?"
I nodded, and as the band climbed the stage, the crowd cheered and Tom disappeared among a sea of people. Karley came and stood by my side; I could see she was upset, Oliver hadn't even looked at her since she arrived.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said shortly, glaring toward the stage. "Fuck him."
Oliver was jumping up and down on the spot whilst the band played around with the instruments. The crowd began chanting something, and then I saw Oliver grin, a full Cheshire Cat smile.
"Are you ready!" He shouted into the room. Arms filled the air, pointing toward the stage, cheers and chants and I heard girls "wooing", before the band kicked into action. I didn't take my eyes off the stage once.
At some point I saw Karley storm off from my side, the gap where she had stood quickly filling with one of the crowd. Once the set had finished, and the band sweatily slunk from the stage, I went to find Tom.
"Did you take some good pictures?" I asked, and he showed me the screen on the back of the camera, flicking through the snaps.
"Where's Karley?" I looked up to see a very pink and sweaty Oliver, a towel round his neck which he rubbed along his forehead. I shrugged. He looked around the room for a moment. "You coming downstairs?" He asked the two of us, and we followed him into the fresh air of the beer garden.
"You seen Karley anywhere?" Oliver asked a man I didn't recognise. Tom and I followed behind, like lost sheep.
We turned a corner to an unlit gravelled area where a car and a couple of vans were parked. And there, up against one of the vans was Karley, pinned to the door by someone. Despite the darkness, it was obvious they were kissing.
Tom nor I had lost our virginity yet, it was a bit of a sore subject for him. I think he felt pressured, especially after listening to all of Oliver's escapades. I don't think Oliver had really done all of the things he said he had or slept with all those girls, I think he just liked to show off. I hated listening to him talk about it, it was vile.
The truth was, I'd only kissed one boy, Jamey Cooke in the year above me, when we'd gone to a house party last year. Tom and I had drank 2 cans of lager each and I felt swimmy when I found myself behind the garden shed with Jamey. I didn't really know what I was doing, I didn't even like him that way. I think I just wanted to feel like all of the other girls in my year. They all had boyfriends and regularly spent lunch breaks snogging in the school court yard. I bet they'd done other things as well, and I'd not even kissed a boy yet. So when Jamey took my hand and led me to the dark corner of the garden all I wanted was to get it over and done with so I didn't feel so behind everyone else.
Jamey was tall and blond, with wide, muscled shoulders. He played on the school rugby team and I got the impression that he was a bit of a bully. Hence why I didn't like him that much. He said something sloppily about liking me, that I was really pretty. Before I knew it he'd pressed his lips into mine and shoved his tongue in. It was wet and messy, and I didn't know what to do with my hands so they stayed limp at my sides, until Jamey finally pulled away. He smirked at me, clearly he thought he was gods gift. I wiped my mouth and muttered something about finding Tom before I stumbled off back up the garden toward the house. And that was it. My first and last kiss at that point.
We arrived at the venue, a function room above a grubby pub, at 7.30pm. We'd only come because Oliver had asked Tom to photograph the band playing for their MySpace page. Tom asked me to accompany him and though I'd acted indifferent I was secretly excited. I'd heard the band before, from the recordings on their website. They'd grown quite popular locally and played shows around Yorkshire every weekend. I couldn't imagine how Oliver behaved on stage.
Karley came with us, as apparently Oliver didn't like her hanging off his arm whilst they were setting up and doing sound check, so she'd suggested we got ready together.
We got ready at my house, and I felt strangled at the thought of her seeing my room. I tidied it and tried to hide anything that I thought she'd deem as childish and immature. When she arrived she had a backpack with her, she emptied it onto my bed and out fell three things. An animal print makeup bag that looked fit to burst, and two bottles. A bottle of coke and a small glass bottle of clear liquid, Vodka. I'd had a swig once and hated it, it'd made me vomit.
"Got a glass?" Karley asked with a grin, holding a bottle in each hand. She was already sipping from the bottle when I'd returned with two mugs. I handed her one and she poured a mixture into her cup first, then mine.
Karley was wearing a pretty black and white striped dress that clung to the top half of her body and hung loosely passed her waist. A leather jacket was thrown over the end of my bed near her empty backpack.
She noticed me looking. "What're you wearing?" She asked, sounding excited. I lifted up my arms motioning to what I had on. My same old dark jeans and a plain purple top. I know I didn't look as good as Karley.
"Let me look in your wardrobe, Lizzie?" She asked, already helping herself pulling the doors open and flicking through my clothes. I gulped nervously hoping she didn't see the stuffed animal that I'd shoved in there moments before she arrived. She pulled out garments, looking them up and down and every time she put one back I felt more and more embarrassed. I'd tried to hide all that I thought young and childish when in truth, *I* *was* young and childish.
She was a year older than me, a year younger than Oliver. But she seemed older like him, maybe because she went on nights out or smoked cigarettes or wore sexier clothes than me. I suddenly felt very, very exposed with her in my room.
"What about this and this?" She pulled me out of my thoughts and I saw her holding up a grey denim skirt and a lacy long sleeved top. The top was my mums, she'd handed it down to me but I'd never dare wear it. She said it was for when I was older.
"Uh, yeah, okay." I didn't dare argue with her as she squealed in delight. She clattered around my CDs whilst I changed behind my wardrobe door, pulling some sheer black tights on under the denim skirt. She put a disk in the player and as the music started playing Karley bounced around, sipping from her mug.
I watched Karley do her makeup in my mirror, then she sat me down on the edge of the bed and did mine. She told me about the girls at her school and we laughed as she moaned about them and even more when she told me about the moods that Oliver would get in. It was nice. It felt like having a friend, which apart from Tom and a few girls I would speak to in my classes, I didn't really have.
Karley did some fluffing with my hair and then shoved me in front of my full length mirror. I looked at both of us, stood side by side. I wasn't sure what I expected when I saw myself, but I still looked like me, just with too much makeup on. Maybe a little older? I felt silly with all of this on my face.
"Here," said Karley, throwing the black jacket at me from my wardrobe. "You look great, Lizzie."
On the walk to the Sykes house, the conversation turned to our common denominator. Our shared secret.
"So," I began nervously, "does anyone else know. About, you know?"
I watched, but couldn't make much of her expression. "My mum and her boyfriend do." She said, bitterly. "They're right arseholes about it, they keep threatening to ship me off to some hospital and force feed me."
"Can - can they do that?"
"Pfft. They can try. I'm not going anywhere like that, I'd rather die first".
Karley scared me, her words terrified me. I wasn't sure whether to take her last sentence literally. Would that happen to me, if anyone knew? But I didn't look like Karley, not yet. I had weight to lose in the first place, maybe she didn't. Yeah, maybe she just wasn't very careful. I wouldn't get caught.
We met Tom at his garden gate and caught the tram from the next road over. I watched out of the window, the sky turning to night, and a bubbling of excitement started in my stomach. I felt giddy and grown up all of a sudden, my first real "night out". I was excited to see the band. To see Oliver on stage.
Every time Oliver came to mind I would glance at Karley, a pang in my chest. And every time I looked at her, I saw her tiny frame, her long slender arms and legs. I felt stupid stood next to her, fat and ugly and so, so inadequate. I pulled my jacket around me, wishing for a moment that it would swallow me up so that no one would see me.
Matt, one of Oliver's band mates came and met us at the venue door to make sure we got in. He was one of Oliver best friends and was at the Sykes house almost as much as Karley. He was a bit of a git, much like his friend. But he and Tom got on.
"Excited guys?" He grinned back at us as we followed him up the dark stairs to what I assumed the function room upstairs. The place smelled fowl, like sweat and beer. It wasn't too busy yet, people had just started milling in behind us.
When we got upstairs the room was maybe a third full, people stood around holding plastic cups, chatting, gathered around a small stage at one end of the room. At the other side was a small, hatch like bar area with some dark wood doors leading to the restrooms. At the back of the hall was a platform with some weedy looking guys behind what Tom said was the sound system.
I spotted Oliver and his band mates near the stage, joking around. Apart from him he sat on a stool watching but not joining in. He barely even looked at Karley when we met them.
"Alright babe?" She tried to prise herself under his arm but he didn't budge. Tom and I exchanged a glance and stood awkwardly whilst no one notice us.
Matt popped up between us, yet again with a grin and puffed his big, black fringe out of his eyes. "Got you some beers!" He barked over the music at us, passing Tom and I a clear plastic cup each.
Tom smiled at me, taking a big swig. I looked around, for any staff that may see but we were hidden in a crowd of people now. My heart skipped a little with nerves, worried we'd get caught or kicked out. Suddenly I spotted Oliver staring at me with an eyebrow cocked.
"What's the matter, Liz, you a lightweight?" He smirked, finally. Karley crossed her arms, looking moodily at the ground.
I didn't reply, but instead just a large gulp, praying I wouldn't be sick. I still didn't really like the taste of any alcohol. But I didn't want any of Oliver or his older friends thinking I was a baby. Oliver's smirk dropped as his mates called him a twat for picking on me.
We stood about for a while, listening to the bands banter, Tom, Karley and I mostly silent. During this time the room really filled up, and we were forced to stand closer together in our little group. Before the guys, another band were playing. I didn't know what to make of them, I willed for their set to hurry up and finish. As they wrapped up their last song, I turned to watch Oliver from the corner of my eye. He was downing a cup of beer, looking up at the stage. I wonder if he was nervous.
"Oi," Tom elbowed me. He had his camera around his neck. "Don't let Karley catch you staring like that."
"What are you talking about?"
Tom rolled his eyes, "Whatever Lizzie. I'm off to the front to take the photos. You alright here?"
I nodded, and as the band climbed the stage, the crowd cheered and Tom disappeared among a sea of people. Karley came and stood by my side; I could see she was upset, Oliver hadn't even looked at her since she arrived.
"Are you alright?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said shortly, glaring toward the stage. "Fuck him."
Oliver was jumping up and down on the spot whilst the band played around with the instruments. The crowd began chanting something, and then I saw Oliver grin, a full Cheshire Cat smile.
"Are you ready!" He shouted into the room. Arms filled the air, pointing toward the stage, cheers and chants and I heard girls "wooing", before the band kicked into action. I didn't take my eyes off the stage once.
At some point I saw Karley storm off from my side, the gap where she had stood quickly filling with one of the crowd. Once the set had finished, and the band sweatily slunk from the stage, I went to find Tom.
"Did you take some good pictures?" I asked, and he showed me the screen on the back of the camera, flicking through the snaps.
"Where's Karley?" I looked up to see a very pink and sweaty Oliver, a towel round his neck which he rubbed along his forehead. I shrugged. He looked around the room for a moment. "You coming downstairs?" He asked the two of us, and we followed him into the fresh air of the beer garden.
"You seen Karley anywhere?" Oliver asked a man I didn't recognise. Tom and I followed behind, like lost sheep.
We turned a corner to an unlit gravelled area where a car and a couple of vans were parked. And there, up against one of the vans was Karley, pinned to the door by someone. Despite the darkness, it was obvious they were kissing.