Outside Appearances Are Just for Show

The tears welled up in Kalina's eyes as Hannah looked at the younger girl sadly.

“He's up on the hill... that place he took you to before.” Landon said quietly.

“Kalina he... He... When you left it broke.. he... he's-” Kalina cut Hannah off from her mumbling, pausing and all the like. She knew something was up, just not what truly what she was trying to get across.

“...Take her....” Kalina handed Saige over into Hannah's arms gingerly yet quickly; and without a second thought nor word, she ran out the house. Stumbling as she ran, she had easily gotten up the entire hill to the place Lyric had taken her more than a year's worth of months prior, only this time there was no sunrise...

When Kalina got there Lyric wasn't anywhere around either

She collapsed into the thin layers of powdery snow, crying her eyes out. 'Something is wrong.' She thoughts in her mind as well as spoke underneath her breath in sob's.

' He isn't here!' She hit the powdery though icy snow with her fists a few times before she saw an object in the snow just beyond her a few feet, sticking up out of the grass and snow that surrounded it. On her knees, she crawled towards it with her hands as well. A slight crunching sound came from behind her but it was nothing but a bunny scurrying from it's hiding place in a hole underneath a tree.

A rock

That's what was laying there, sticking out. A rather large rock with words carved into it...

“Kalina?” She heard spoken in whispers, sadly nonetheless. Kalina turned to look over her back, wiping the tears to see clearly. She simply gasped at the sight before her; jumped up. It had to be a mirage, or a sense of her imagination...right? “What are you doing here Kalina?” There was now a sense of disgust and disbelief in the voice. She couldn't take it any longer.

Kalina ran the few feet to him, wrapping her thin yet coat clad arms around his neck hugging him.

He however, didn't hug back.

“What's wrong?” Kalina asked pulling herself slowly away from his body, looking at his paled face and letting her arms drop back to her sides with a slight 'thump' sound. She felt him flinch? No it-

“Why are you here?” Lyric asked; his body started shaking somewhat which threw her off.

“What happened to you Lyric?” Kalina whispered, the tears coming out from her eyes once again. He didn't respond with words; he only shook his head.

It was then that she had noticed the gun in his hand for the first time. The same gun that killed her four friends as well as what she had almost used to end her own life.

Scared, not for herself but for Lyric, she slowly but easily reached for his hand. Pulling it away, Lyric put his hand and the gun both into the air in front of him and up near his head in a way, more like near his shoulder but not point at him.

“Lyric.” She said seriously.

“I've tried for months... but-”

“What, Lyric. Tried what?” She knew the answer but she needed to know if it was the truth. Still, prayers to God that it was all a misunderstanding came internally from her body. However, still, his look alone told her that her assumptions were true; the sadness and pain that she saw in his eyes when he looked into her own... She remembers the feeling entirely too well.“Don't. do. it.” She choked out, pleading with him while tears clouded out any vision that was left making everything blur together once more.

“You want to know something?” Lyric said, looking into her tear filled eyes. It didn't even bother him, he wasn't going to get her take on it, he would tell her no matter what. That was the plan anyways and so he began.

“My mom killed herself all those years ago. And I watched her do it, I just watched, wondering what she was doing in curiousness; I didn't know...” There was a pause as he glanced down at his feet and lowered the gun to his side again.

“ You want to know the fucked up part of it all?” Once again he had no intention on getting her take on the question. “ Here I am trying to kill myself multiple times over the years, just randomly thinking I'd go through with it one day... But then something always happened or I would chicken out... And then there is you. No one knew that I've tried, none of them...” Kalina wiped at her eyes with a sleeve as Lyric watched her, longingly.

“I..I-I hated you for wanting to do it, to kill yourself. But I hated you even more because I knew you would do it if you were given the chance... You could go threw with it whereas I was too fucking pussy to.” They looked at each other. “But then, you never did. You have so much to live for Kalina, I-I.” He took a huge breath and moved around in a circle from where he was standing still before, finally after kicking his feet around some, he stopped while looking at Kalina again.

“I thought you might have once you left that night... I- I couldn't...” Kalina watched Lyric slowly sink to the ground, with the gun in his hand, sobbing under his breath so that even he could barely hear.

Kalina walked over and after bending down, took the gun, throwing it to the side. Then she knelt down and hugged him tightly, as his tears soaked though the fabric of her coat, through to her shoulder and onto her neck. His sobs were much louder now as she held onto him and he clung to her, his head just barely buried into her hair.

She wasn't going to let him go...

She now finally knew what it was like when people where in her own position. She knew how he felt in both, wanting to stop it before and actually wanting desperately to be able to commit suicide, now. She had been both, at opposite times he had but still. Kalina never knew what it truly was like, she only felt the pain and such, none of the other things. She never had to talk someone out of it, if you will..

“It's okay” She cooed into his ear, trying to calm them both down. Rocking him side to side as best she could given their position of him being on the ground and his upper body against hers, she did her best to sooth him. It was much harder than she thought.

After a while though, Lyric did calm down, doing that hole jump out of the woman's arms and turning their back to them so that they may convince themselves that they in fact, hadn't cried in front of a girl let alone at all.

The two remained silently sitting in the snow.

“I'm sorry.” He muttered trying to laugh at his actions before as he looked into my eyes.

“No I am...I should have some back sooner or something...but I just- I couldn't because they were watching me like a hawk, I wasn't allowed out of the house for anything...” Which was true. She had been sent to a “new” foster home, more like an orphanage really. She wasn't allowed to leave because they thought she would disappear via running away, or that she would end up do something well... drastic (yeah they found out about the pact and stuff). Plus she had been pregnant at that time mind you, and they couldn't bare to have a pregnant runaway girl on their conscious or some shit like that. Oh, and it was sort of a “look bad on their reputation” thing as well, pregnant foster kid... Many people wouldn't be too glad about that, they are after all paying for her necessities...and her kids, you know?

“Why did you come back?” Because she finally was allowed to. She got out of the system entirely along with Saige and took off, legally with no obligations. She had some major convincing though and she was sure they would try to find her every now and then, but she definitely isn't where she said she was in Florida, with her real families' family. More specifically her dad's parents. They weren't expecting her anyways, after all, so she came here... where her plan had been.

She took a deep breath and sighed.

“You um need to know something.” Kalina mumbled willing herself not to smile hugely at the thought of her daughter, their daughter.

“Is it bad? Because um, I need to tell you some stuff too...”

“No it isn't bad... Not by any means.” She was smiling and laughing some at his small smirk-like grin at her words.

“Okay so I guess I'll go first then? Since it's the worst... I screwed up Kalina, big time. Everyone knows now... Ever since my mom died I-I... I cant keep it from you...I feel guilty...” He slowly pulled up his coat sleeves showing the many various sized, shaped and colored scars Kalina knew all too well. The small pink and white raised scars that covered his arms from wrist to elbow and some even further upwards...

“I know...I-I seen them before... You were sleeping and I just didn't want to be the one to ask about it. I don't want you to hurt yourself though Lyric...” Which was true, there were two times in the few months she stayed here with him and his family that she saw them. One was when his long sleeved shirt rode up and showed his wrist, he hadn't even noticed. He was chasing Haylee around the kitchen with Kalina and Hannah making dinner in the process. Hannah was getting mad but Klaina just laughed at his childishness. He was carefree, having fun; so when Hannah asked him to 'watch and flip the hamburgers, not eat them' he did and as he flipped one, his shirt exposed the scars. Kalina just looked away and didnt say a word. Lyric didnt know the truth, he thought she looked away blushing or something such as that...not why she really looked away. The second time was the night before she left, obviously, since there was no sleeves to cover his arms at that point in time....

“Yeah, but it got worst once you left.... I cut too deep and...Hannah found me” He gulped remembering Hannah's screaming for Landon that night. He had just gotten a shower, and he took an old blade to his arm. It bit too deep, since he went over an older wound, and he almost past out from blood loss. That happened twice...Haylee found him the second time, only about 3 weeks before now. Both times, he almost died when it was the last thing on his mind at the time, suicide, dying. He didn;t want to then, but he almost had. Weird how that works, aye?

“It doesn't matter I'm here for you now.” Kalina smiled and Lyric looked down trying not to smile too. He shouldn't be smiling with this whole, with everything he just said and that happened...he just shouldn't. But with Kalina here, everything was different. Oddly enough, just seeing her face made his stomach flip and a smile want to come to his lips, he had no control over it all.

“Okay so whats the good news...” He tried changing the subject, to get the attention off of him and his “secrets.”

“I'd have to show you.” He looked at Kalina strangely “You can't get mad, promise me you wont get mad. And you need to let me explain first, okay?” She stood up and dusted the powdered snow from her winter coat and now dampened legs of her jeans.