To Say I Love You

I woke up the next morning with a horriable, horriable hangover, and I didn't know where the hell I was. I tried to sit up, but I immediately dropped my head to my hands.
"Fuck." I muttered in pain.
I noticed that there was a black blanker covering the lower half of my body. I looked over at the coffee table and saw a couple asprins and a fresh cup of coffee. Wherever I was, they sure as fuck knew I was going to have a hangover.
I picked up the coffee, then the asprins, then drank them down. I decided to lie back down and try to fall back asleep, but my mind was clouded with one question; where the hell am I?
My answer came quickly.
"I don't appriciate you just bringing him home with you like that," a woman's voice stated angrilly.
"What the hell was I supposed to do?" Just leave him there?!" another woman's voice stated. "Mike and Tre had already took a cab home!"
"And that's why you took his car? Cause you walked to work and decided bringing him here in his car would save you the trouble of walking?"
Then there was the sound of a baby crying.
"If you'll excuse me, I have a baby to take care of. And just leave him be. I owe him this for keeping that guy away from me because I don't know what would have happened if I told him no."
I slowly fell back asleep, only to be awakened a minute later. I opened my eyes and turned my head to face the person.
"Hey," I said softly.
"Hey to you," she said as she moved a piece of my hair out of my eyes. "You feel any better?"
"Yeah," I said as I felt a sudden soothingnessto her touch. "I see your mother isn't too happy with me crashing on your couch."
"I told her to suck it up," she said.
"Why didn't you just drive me home, Lillie?" I asked. "It would have saved you the trouble."
"Because you need to be watched over," Lillie said. "I mean, seeing you drink like that upsetted me. I think you may be addicted to the alchohol."
"Naw, I'm just healing my wounds," I said.
"They must be pretty deep then to drink like that," she said.
"Yeah, they're really deep," I said as I sat up.
I got a pretty good look of Lillie. She looked beautiful, as she always did. Her dark green eyes glistened with the light of the room. Her hair was down todayand it was waist length. The ends of her bangs were down to her shoulders, curled at the ends and the black roots mixed perfectly with the blonde.
The strangest thing happened. Ryder had somehow made his way into the room and crawled over to Lillie.
"How did you get out of your cwrib?" Lillie asked him in baby talk.
Ryder just smiled widely and stared at me.
"Dada?" heasked curiously, not taking his eyes off of me.
I sat in my place on the couch hesitantly as Lillie stood up and carried Ryder as she sat next to me.
"No, this is Billie," she stated to him. "He's uncle Jakey and Joey's dad."
"Bilwey?" he asked.
"Mmhmm," Lillie replied.
"Bilwey!" he said, streching his tiny little arms in my direction.
Lillie and I started to laugh.
"I think he wants you to hold him," Lillie chuckled.
"Alright," I said as she handed Ryder over to me. "Hey buddy."
I held him like I held Lillie, Joey, and Jakob when they were kids, and I was enjoying myself for the first time in the past two years, and actually sober.
"Y'know, I can really help you with him," I stated.
"Billie, I've already told you I don't need your help," she said.
"I know. I'm not saying that I need to be there 24/7, but I could be there when he needs a father figure," I stated.
Lillie looked from me to Ryder, then back to me.
"He seems to really like you," Lillie said. "Maybe it could work out that way."
I smiled and looked at Ryder as he fell asleep in my arms.
"Why don't you show me where he sleeps," I said.
We stood up and Lillie guided me to Ryder's room and helped me tuck him in his crib.
"Y'know, he looks a lot like you," I said as I turned to look at Lillie.
She smiled and met my eyes. I brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, but it was only an excuse fo touch her. To feel the softness of her skin. I allowed my hand to stroke her cheek.
"I meant it when I said I would always be here for you," I stated. "Do you remember?"
"Yes, I do remember," she replied.
"I remeber lots of things," I said, moving myself closer to her. "I remeber how sad you were when Jimmy passed. I remember... I remember the first time I kissed you."
"You do?" Lillie asked.
"Mmhmm, like it was yesterday," I replied. "At the waterpark, you were pushed into me, we accidently kissed, but then I kissed you."
"Oh my gosh, you do remember," she gasped.
"Memories like those are what keep me up at night," I stated.
"I... I don't know what to say," Lillie said.
"I don't expect you to, honey," I said, looking back down at Ryder. "I fell guilty as fuck."
"Why do you feel guilty?"
"Because," I said," I forced you to do something you weren't ready for."
"Why did you try to kiss me when I was leaving?" Lillie asked. "It was like you were wanting to fuck right in the road."
"I thought I was never going to see you again... All I wanted was a kiss. I didn't want to go and fuck in the road if that's what you were thinking," I replied.
"Well, you've got it damn right that you'll never see her again."