To Go From There

I walked Rhys up to his front door, with Gen waiting patiently at the end of the drive. I chewed on my lip and looked up at him.

“You know… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look so nervous, Kiernan. I mean, not even when we first met. You just blew me off and would have nothing to do with me. But now… now, you look genuinely nervous. What’s up?”

“I just. I mean. I.”

He raised an eyebrow and I shook my head, trying to erase the fumbled words. But my mind, unfortunately, is not an Etch-A-Sketch.

“Spit it out, Dunkin.”

“Well, when I was talking to Lydia, she told me that you knew…”

“What do I know about?” Rhys seemed so patient. He knew that I had this problem with words, when I was scared or nervous.

“Kellen?” I said softly. It was a question and a statement at the same time. He looked confused but I didn’t elaborate further.

“What about him?”

“About me… and Kellen,” I said, my voice only decibels above a whisper. Rhys’ face fell into this broken, almost sullen expression.

“Yeah, I’ve seen you two. I wish that I didn’t have to find out like that. If you were dating Kellen, I would’ve preferred you just told me. I mean, I don’t want you to be dating him, after everything, but I can’t control who you do or do not include in your love life. I’m just a friend, right?”

Ouch. He knows how to guilt trip me.

“You’re more than a friend, Rhys. You know that.”

“Mhm, sure. Then why is it that you’re making out with Kellen on your front porch and not me?”

I winced. There was this sharpness in his voice that had never once been directed at me before. I stepped back, leaning on the porch railing.

“I should get going.”

He nodded. I stepped off the porch and started walking down the hill, ignoring the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wondered if Rhys was feeling the same thing.

I doubted it.

***

“Alright, I have to ask you about something,” I said, looking up from the pile of sand that I was making into a castle. Kellen was digging the moat. We’d decided to take a trip up to the lake and somehow, we ended up playing in the sand.

“Shoot.”

“There are some rumors about you. I mean, I don’t normally listen to them but since you and I are…” I stopped and puzzled over what we were before continuing, “I just wanted to know if they’re true.”

“Like, what have you heard exactly?”

“I’m not sure. Everyone just keeps telling me that you’re not a good guy. What’s that all about?”

“Nothing. I just had this… momentary loss of judgment one day and beat the hell out of this guy that was constantly pushing me around and making my life hell. He was in a coma for a week, I’m still on probation. He never spoke to me again. But I will never live it down,” Kellen said sadly. I chewed on my lip.

He put someone in a coma? My Kellen, the boy who was helping me put someone in a coma…

“Don’t be scared of me now, Kiernan. I would never hurt you.”

I wanted to believe it, but there was something that had buried itself in my stomach, beneath that hollow spot, that told me not to trust him.