To Go From There

A week went by without any Rhys, or Kellen, or even Genesee. I went to work, played with some toddlers, and came home exhausted. I ignored the ringing phone, didn’t even bother going through the mail and locking myself away. I would come home, make myself lunch, shower, head out on a run, normally on the route Rhys took me on, and return to the house where I’d make myself dinner, shower again and head up to bed to read and think some more.

I was sincerely used to the silence, the solitude, the loneliness by the end of the week. It was weird, because before Rhys, I was okay with it but not in the same way. It was a part of my life, now it was just weird. I had become accustomed to Rhys’ presence in my everyday life.

I decided to take my run on Saturday past his house, and maybe, if I got up the courage, I’d stop in and get him to talk to me. Maybe. I doubted it, deep in my brain. I knew he wasn’t up to talking to me, but I wanted him to. I wanted my Rhys back, goddamn it!

I dressed in my running clothes, which included a black Adidas tank top, yellow Nike mesh shorts and a pair of white and yellow Nike Air Pegasus’. I put my hair up into a messy ponytail and clipped my bangs back away from my face. I tucked Rondo into the waistband of my shorts and stuck the earbuds in my ears, turning the music on. I jogged downstairs and out into the front yard, shutting my front door behind me. I stopped in the grass and stretched, first reaching up towards the sky, then down towards the ground. I leaned on one leg, bending the knee and keeping my other leg completely straight, balancing like that. I repeated this on the other side, before spreading my legs so they were about a yard apart. I leaned over, putting my palms flat on the Earth, the muscles in my thighs and back stretching. I stood up straight, putting my legs together and bending over again. I felt my back pop and I stood up again. I started slowly running off the property and down the road towards the main road. The music changed from a slower song to a harder song. I started pumping my legs faster, keeping my head down as I ran. If it wasn’t extremely dangerous, I would close my eyes and just run. That way, it would feel as if I were flying.

I didn’t, because then I would die and never get to talk to Rhys, or see my mom, or take care of the kids at Sunny Shine Daycare ever again. Besides, dying sounds painful.
I found myself heading up the hill to Rhys’ house. I stopped just off his porch, shook my head and headed back the way I came, muttering to myself.

“This is so crazy. What am I thinking?”

I was halfway down his driveway when a little thought popped up in my head, saying “Come on, Kiernan. It’s Rhys. He’s gonna forgive you. Go get that boy!”

I headed back towards the door when it opened and Lydia replaced it. I blushed and scratched the back of my neck.

“You. Inside. Now,” Lydia called, heading inside. I followed and shut the door. I’d only been inside the house once, with Rhys when I first met Lydia. But now, there was no Rhys, and there was the smell of baking cookies. I followed the scent and found Lydia and her mom in the kitchen baking. My mouth hung open in surprise. I’d never seen a picture of Rhys’ mom, nor had he said much about her. But she was beautiful, and young. Her hair was dark brown, and waved down to her shoulder blades. Her eyes were wide and brown, just like her children’s. She had the same jaw line as them as well. She was thin too.

“Is that her?” their mom hissed to Lydia who nodded. I felt like I was on display, a spotlight shining on me.

“Yepp, that’s Kiernan,” Lydia replied.

“Come on out from there. We’re not gonna bite. Hard,” their mom said. I stepped quietly into the room and looking around. It was a cozy little place, just as it had been before. It just felt a bit odd, without the boy who lived here.

There were photos on the walls, of Lydia and Rhys when they were babies, of the entire family, Rhys holding his sister in a hug before the rest of them. It was nice, to see family photos, whole and happy. It was strange as well, foreign and odd to see.

“C’mon, Kiernan. We’re not gonna hurt you,” Lydia rounded the counter and held out her hand. I took it and she tugged me farther inside the room. “We have to talk, darling.”

I nodded and she sat me down on the barstool beside her. She sat down with me and scooped out cookie dough onto the shiny sheet pan in front of her.

“What do you want to talk about?” I asked, picking a piece of chocolate from the batter.

“You’re being stupid, about Rhys and Kellen,” Lydia explained.

“I know! I know what I’m doing is wrong, I can feel it. I know that using Kellen is a bitch move and I know that leading Rhys on is the worst thing I’ve ever done. But I can’t stop.”

“You have to stop seeing one of them. I’d prefer it if it were Kellen you stopped seeing, but it’s your choice.”

“I haven’t seen either of them in a week, or more. I haven’t seen anyone in a week. Not a soul,” my voice died as I stared at the marble counter. I saw Lydia and her mom exchange a look of pity. I ignored it.

“Sweetheart…” a feminine hand touched mine. I looked up. “My name’s Josey. I’m Rhys’ mom.”

“Hi,” I squeaked out.

“Are you okay?” she asked gently.

“No. Everything is just falling apart, and in the most cliché way. My mom’s miles from home, sick and getting worse and she won’t even talk to me about it. Rhys doesn’t trust me anymore because of the Kellen thing. I’m not even sure I want to be around Kellen anymore. I honestly hate myself right now.”

Josey sighed and came around to my side of the counter.

“I can promise you, you will be ok.”

She wiped my eyes and I saw Rhys in her. I knew where he got his kindness from, after meeting Josey Abbott.

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“Mother’s instinct, doll. Trust me.”

“I don’t know if I can,” I stood up.

“Where are you going?” Lydia asked.

“I don’t know. I, I just need to be alone.”

“You sure about that?” I knew that voice. I turned around and found myself face to face with Rhys. I smiled and crossed the room to him. He hugged me.

“Good god, I missed you,” I whispered. He let me go and grabbed my hand.

“We’ll be in my room,” he called to his mom, taking me upstairs.

“That door better stay open, Rhys!” Josey yelled after us. It did.

I sat down on his bed, and looked around. The walls were covered in band posters, some I wouldn’t expect Rhys to like, and drawings much like Lydia’s. There were old faded Polaroid’s tacked in random spaces, filling up a blank hole where nothing was. His clothes were all tucked away neatly in his dresser drawers, his desk neat and tidy.

“You never mentioned you were anal retentive, Rhys,” I commented, poking at a stack of neatly stacked pieces of paper. Rhys narrowed his eyes and fixed the papers.

“Don’t touch.”

“Yes, sir!” I giggled and moved backwards away from anything I could touch. His bed was pushed into the corner, leaving a large space for the carpet and anything else he put in that room.

“So… we haven’t seen any of each other for awhile.”

“Nope,” I replied. His hand slipped into mine and I moved so I was closer to him. I’d shared my bed with him on more than a few occasions, I was used to being close with him. Holding hands was nothing.

“I don’t want that to happen again, alright? It was stupid of me to get mad, that you’re with Kellen or whatever. You can do whatever the hell you want to. You’re a big girl,” Rhys muttered.

“I don’t want… I. Fuck, why is it so hard to talk to you? You’re my best friend!” I hissed, my head falling so I didn’t have to look at him. “I’m not dating Kellen, Rhys. I don’t want to.”

“Then why in god’s name are you kissing him?” Rhys asked, his voice pleading to understand.

“Because! I just. I don’t want. I don’t even know. It just seemed like an okay idea at the time,” I answered. Rhys chuckled slightly and pulled me into him.

“Oh, I know that feeling. It’s okay. I’m just, overprotective and don’t want you to end up like…” he trailed off.

“The guy in the coma?” I asked. Rhys looked shocked. “He told me,” I explained.

“Which version did you get?” Rhys asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, there was about 5 different versions to why that kid ended up in a coma. Kellen swears that the kid used to bully him, but I’ve heard that the kid could never do something like that.”

“Oh.”

“Just be careful, alright? There are girls that say he’s tried to make them sleep with him, and when they didn’t, he got violent. I don’t know if I believe it, but if you ever got hurt, because I introduced you to the prick, I will never forgive myself.”

“I swear, Rhys, I won’t get hurt.”

But there was that hollow spot in my stomach that told me otherwise.