To Go From There

July was excruciatingly hot. Every day was muggy. I wore a bikini top and a pair of booty shorts around the house and even out on my runs late at night. It was far too hot for actual clothes. I hadn’t heard from Rhys and I hadn’t expected to. July 4th was dull, besides the fact that all weekend, all I heard was Gen’s boy toy moaning at the top of his lungs. Not something I really wanted to wake up to hear or fall asleep to. I put my music on and turned it on all the way. It was an old Beatles album but it blocked out whatshisface’s sounds coming from down the hall. I cleaned on July 4th while drinking what was left of Mom’s Red Cat wine. She wouldn’t know it was me, she’d figure it was Gen and I was perfectly okay with her thinking that. I was an angel in my mom’s eyes and I wasn’t going to change that because I was trying to forget that my life was all but falling apart.

That Monday morning, I woke up to an empty house and a “note” from Gen.

Kiernan, I’m leaving. Bye.

-Gen.

Yeah, that was heartfelt, Gen. I didn’t know what to do with myself after Gen left so that first day, I did nothing. I lay a blanket out on the grass, put my headphones in and tanned all day. Until I was drenched by freezing cold water. I sat bolt up and glared at the shadow of a figure standing over me. I tossed Rondo away into safety and shook my wet hair out like a dog.

“Rhys, I am going to kill you.” I growled, pushing myself up off the ground. I stood before him, glaring as he smiled.

“Wow… you look really hot like that.” he said, pushing my wet hair behind me.

“What’s with you today, Rhys? Last time I saw you, you were pissed at me for speaking my mind.”

“You pissed me off!”

“I realized that!”

“So I’m not allowed to be mad, Kiernan?”

“No!”

“What kind of bullshit is that?”

“My kind of bullshit, Rhys! You got in my face and then stormed out without much of an explanation and never came around. I don’t know how to find you or talk to you.”

“You sound like a girlfriend.” he chuckled. I pushed his chest and turned my back on him. His arms circled around my waist and he pulled me to him.

“I don’t mean that in a bad way. I would love it, actually.”

“Love what?”

“If you were my girlfriend.”

“You better not be asking me out right now, Rhys.”

“Why not?”

“Because!”

“Because why?”

“Because we don’t know each other, Rhys! All I know about you is that your last name is Abbott, you’re a regular knight in shining armor, you have a sister and you showed up out of nowhere at our school. How am I supposed to say yes to someone I don’t know?”

“Kiernan…” he whispered but stopped. “Alright, come on. Grab the iPod.”

I huffed but did as he said. He grabbed my free hand, lacing our fingers together as he pulled me behind him to his car. I dug my heels into the grass and we both tumbled to the ground. I landed on top of him, straddling his left leg.

“What the hell?” he groaned.

“Not getting in the stranger’s car.”

“I’m not a stranger!”

“It’s… just… NO! I’m not doing it, Rhys. You can’t make me!” I said, getting up off him.

“It’s not gonna bite, sunshine.” he said, getting to his feet. He stood over me and looked beyond amused.

“You don’t know that.” I mumbled, looking at his car that loomed behind him. It was a black 2004 Chevy Impala and it was in ok condition but it wasn’t my mom’s and my car. I wasn’t used to it. It’s an irrational fear of mine. I can’t help it. Cars that I’ve never been in before are like metal death traps to me.

“I can almost guarantee that my car will not harm you in any way.” he said softly. He made me look at him and I tore my eyes away from his. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look him right in the face and act like I was terrified of him, his car and everything he stood for.
He was this energy that was trying to draw me into him and if I let my guard down, he was going to suck me in. I couldn’t have that. I saw what it did to my mom when Dad left. He just up and left because I wasn’t the outstanding Marshall he wanted me to be. I didn’t have any extraordinary talents, like being a math genius like my uncle. I wasn’t up for being a track star because that means I’d have to be social with the jocks. I had no history knowledge, my grammar sucked, I couldn’t sing or dance. I was just ordinary.

“I d-d-don’t believe you.” I stuttered. He sighed and looked like he was trying to decide something.

“Alright. Come on. Let’s go running. I know you’re good at it so let’s go.”

“I can’t go running.”

“Why not?”

I pointed at my bare feet. He let out a soft ‘oh’ before I raced into the house. I felt like slamming the door and locking the door. I didn’t. I controlled myself and simply put my running clothes on. I sat down at my vanity and brushing my drying hair quickly, pulling it back away from my face and into a quick, messy bun. I put my running shoes on and stood. I started towards the garage door when I saw my photo of me, Mom and Dad when I was a baby. I sat in Mom’s arms, not Dad’s because I discovered that there was not one single photo of Dad holding me. My head is covered in light brown tufts of hair and my face is covered in pureed peas and carrots. I’m grinning this toothless grin that Mom told me she loved so much. Mom looked young and not as tired as she has lately. Of course, Mom didn’t have cancer back then. She was healthy and she was beautiful. She still is but in that picture, she had a kind of innocent beauty. If I were to look at my mother on the same day, I’d say that now, she’s beautiful in that timeless, wise way. I loved my mom, she was my hero.

“Oh, Kiernan! Did you bail on me?” I heard Rhys call as he climbed the steps and stepped into my room. I touched my mom’s smiling face and smiled sadly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. He came over to me and I showed him the picture.

“This is when my family was whole. I wasn’t even a year old when this picture was taken.”

“You’re a beautiful little baby.”

“Thanks.”

“What’s wrong?” he repeated.

“My dad, when I was 7, bailed on us. I wasn’t enough for his expectations. I didn’t meet the standards of a Marshall daughter.” I said with a frown.

“Marshall? I thought your last name was Dunkin.”

“It is. My mom’s maiden name is Dunkin and I took that when I came back to school. Dad wouldn’t want me to have his last name.” I explained.

“Did you leave school?”

“Yep. When I was 7, I refused to go to school because Mom fed me these lies that Dad died of a heart attack. She didn’t want me to know. I came back to school during 4th grade.” I said wearily.

“Come on.” He grabbed the photo from me, put it on the bed before he took my hand in his. His hand was warm and rough but it felt nice wrapped around mine.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked as I followed him. He said nothing as we reached the edge of my lawn. Letting go of my hand, he jumped over the ditch and started jogging down the road. My eyebrows pulled together but I followed, leaping over the divot and running to catch up with him. Our strides fell in together and we said nothing as he lead me down the road. Instead of turning towards town, he kept on straight. I followed skeptically. We jogged into the cornfield and he slowly, weaving in between rows upon rows of stalks. I stayed behind, slightly weary.

I always knew Rhys was a psycho murderer who wanted to kill me and bury me in the cornfield.

“Come on, slow poke!” Rhys chuckled, disappearing from my sight. I followed quickly, ducking into a clearing. Rhys stood in the middle, on a large quilt. I stood beside him and he smiled.

“My mom showed me this place, told me to bring my sister here whenever she had one of her episodes.”

“What’s wrong with your sister?”

He sat down and pulled me down with him. I sat criss-cross-applesauce in front of him. He ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes.

“She had a nervous breakdown a few months back. She’s only 15. Last year, Mom and I came home and found Lydia on the basement floor, crying and naked. Her teacher had forced his way into our house and raped her.” Rhys said, his eyes unfocused. “She wouldn’t tell us who did it so she went to school. She was running late and wasn’t outside to meet me so I went upstairs to get her. He’d pinned her to the wall and was trying to rape her again. She started cutting and overdosing. We had to move. That’s why we moved here. Dad didn’t get a new job, Mom’s sister’s husband didn’t die so we had to move here to help her out.”

I scooched forward and hugged him. I had to. He had this pathetic pout on his face and I couldn’t stand that face. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to fix the past.

Poor Lydia.

“Thanks.”

He played with the blanket to his right.

“I don’t understand why he’d bail on you, Kiernan. You’re so sweet.”

I smiled lightly.

“I’m too plain, Rhys. He had the right to leave.”

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. He wasn’t hurting me. Hell, he was barely applying pressure.

“You’re perfect.”