To Go From There

I showered and got dressed after my sandwich. I chose a pair of shorts and a tank top to go with a pair of mismatched flip flops. It wasn’t anything special, just simple summer attire. I twirled my hair up into a spiral and clipped it on top of my head and kept it off my neck. I kept the central air on as I walked around, trying to keep busy for the last half hour of my time. I flopped onto the couch and dozed off. I dreamt of flowers and Rhys’ pretty face close to mine. Except, George came waltzing in, a few years older and told me that he loved me and that he saw my dad. I was pissed, I felt it even when I woke up. How could he just come back in after what happened?

“Kiernan! Hey!” I heard Rhys call. I struggled against whatever was holding me down and I felt my clenched fist collide with something. The restraints loosened and I jumped up, away from them. I looked around and found Rhys, holding his cheek. I covered my mouth.

“Oh my… God! I didn’t do that, did I?” I asked. He nodded, and removed his hand. It was red and puffy. I frowned and reached towards him. He stood closer, crouching down to my level. I put my hand against the skin and gave Rhys a small kiss below it. He looked up at me for a second before turning his eyes away. I let his face go and an awkward silence came over us. He stood up and I pulled myself up as well. We stood and I chewed on my lip.

Had I really had a dream that made me thrash out and punch Rhys? When was the last time that happened?

I knew the answer to that immediately. It was the night Mom came home from the hospital and told us that she had cancer. It was me, Gen and Rob around the table. Gen didn’t hate me back then, not really. She barely tolerated me but she didn’t hate me. She smiled and made jokes with me, played games and talked with me. It was like we were sisters back then. Rob got up and stormed into the back yard. I ran to her and hugged her, telling her repeatedly that she’d be alright. I told her that even though Daddy had left us for Heaven, that didn’t mean she could either. That made her smile. She knelt down, kissed me on the forehead and said, “Kiernan Francesca Dunkin, you are the sweetest, most amazing girl that I have ever met. Don’t let the world change you. Always stay this innocent, baby girl.” That was years ago. She went through chemo and radiation for a few months but I wasn’t allowed to visit her at the hospital. We met at a park just outside and I’d talk to her about all the things that Gen and I were doing. I left Rob out because he was never home. It was me and Gen and the housekeeper. We had the money for that back then. That was before Mom lost her job, Rob was gone and Mom had to pay the hospital bills and raise two daughters.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. Rhys laughed, loudly. He genuinely laughed. He pulled me into his arms, kissed and laughed into my hair.

“Oh, you are just so sweet, Kiernan. I’m fine. I’ve been hit worse. Remember that douche bag teacher I told you about?”

“Yes,” I growled. He laughed at the response.

“Well, I did something… stupid.”

“What’d you do?” I asked slowly.

“I went to the douche bag’s house and broke down his door.”

“You didn’t!” I said.

“I did.”

“Shit, Rhys!” I shook my head. He let me go and we sat on the floor across from one another.

“I had to make myself feel like he was put to justice. So I found him and his wife in the backyard. I can’t even remember this part, I was just angry and it’s all black. I had a blackout because I was so blinded by rage. I remember hitting him and then getting into a fight but when I woke up, my face was bloody and he looked even worse. He’s in jail now but…” he said.

“But what he did to Lydia will never go away, no matter how much jail time he gets.” I finished. He nodded.

“How did you not go to jail or something?” I asked.

He shrugged, “The judge had also presided over the case against the guy with Lydia and several other girls. He hadn’t finished with the other girls. He didn’t break them quite as badly. When the judge saw the man’s face, he chuckled and I basically just got a slap on the wrist while the guy is now in jail for… 10 years.”

“Wow. You’re lucky.”

“I know. I think the gods were lenient in my case. It was my baby sister. I had to do something.”

I decided to be bold, I grabbed his hand and played with his fingers. He smiled. This was physical proof that I liked him. I have never just grabbed someone’s hand. I’m not that kinda girl. I like slow, steady relationships. But… I hadn’t known Rhys a month and I was already holding hands with him. It honestly freaked me out.

“Yeah…” I said softly. Rhys took my other hand and we just sat there. It was strange because I felt completely safe with him.

I thought about the dream. I wanted to be with Rhys, I wanted to be happy with Rhys. I wanted to tell him I liked him. That was true but what was the rest of it? That I’d never be happy with him? I was destined to be abandoned? Is that what my subconscious was trying to get at? Dad left and then George left so Rhys will too? I don’t think I’m fond of my subconscious right now.

“Alright, this quiet is killing me.” Rhys said, breaking me from the very dangerous tightrope of thoughts I was treading on.

“What do you want to do?” I asked, letting his hands go as I stood up and stretched. I needed to run, even though I went on that run with Rhys last night. I’d normally wait until sunset but I just had this energy that I needed to get out.

“Hey, wanna go for a run? On my route? There’s no possible chance of scary psycho rednecks.” I asked, walking over to the answering machine. I checked to make sure there was no messages and sighed. I wanted my mom to call. She hadn’t said she would and I didn’t expect her to but… I wanted her to. I wanted to hear her voice again. I’d be okay if she drilled me on my crush on Rhys. I’d be okay if she teased me and told me that I was in love with the boy. As long as she was on the other end of the line.

I’m such a momma’s girl.

“You want me to go?” he asked, following me to the front hall, where the machine was stationed. I turned towards him.

“I asked you, didn’t I? And why wouldn’t I want you to go? We’ve already established that I-”

“Like me. I know.” He smirked.

“I was going to say, I like being around you.”

“Why won’t you just admit it?”

“Admit what?” I asked innocently, my tone saying ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

“You are ridiculous.” he said and he kissed the end of my nose. I scrunched it up and he laughed, “That was adorable.”

“Stop.” I pushed him away, my cheeks turning a bright scarlet. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around my midsection.

“I still need physical proof that you like me, ya know, and I’m not leaving before I get it.” he whispered in my ear. My ears even started to burn. I whined and pushed at his chest.
“If my theory is right, you won’t be able to resist me when I do this…” he leaned down to my neck and he left a trail of kisses to my sweet spot behind my ear where my jaw was. I don’t know how he found it, since I didn’t even know where it was. I let out a soft, unintentionally sigh of content and Rhys kissed along my jaw and finally, his lips hovered above mine. I could feel his breath on my lips. It was warm and smelled of mint. I licked my lips and prepared myself for a kiss that… never came.

Rhys let me go and chuckled, walking away.

“Come on, silly. Let’s go for that run!” he called, stepping out. I stared after him.

Damn tease!