Lose Myself in a Chemical Moment

Sliding onto the barstool, I ordered a whiskey from the bartender.

Suppressing the memories this time would be difficult. They were difficult every time, but this time was different.

I saw her. Or I thought I did.

My life had gone downhill from the moment I laid eyes on her.

-Flashback-

Fiery red hair, emerald green eyes, perfect porcelain complexion; she was for lack of a better word, gorgeous.

I had accidentally run straight into her as I entered the house. It was the biggest party of the year, the end of summer bash my best friend was throwing.

Jack.

I’d have to thank him later. If I could manage to remember this night, that is.

I apologized. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.

She smiled at me.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I’m Stella.”

“Alex.”

That was my first night of many with Stella. We both enjoyed our alcohol. Some might even have called us alcoholics, but no matter. Nothing mattered when I with her, as long as we were wasted.

Most nights with Stella ended with me passed out on the bathroom floor after emptying the contents of my stomach. I’d wake up around three the next afternoon with a wicked hangover. I was sick of waking up feeling like shit, but that night, I would end up repeating the cycle.

Lately, it seemed, you only felt truly happy when I was wasted.

The nights I went out with Stella, heck, even the ones I didn’t, I had the same thought right before I passed out.

I’m falling in love with you, Stella.

-End Flashback-

It doesn’t matter now that you never returned my feelings. The dead can’t give us what we need. Maybe you would have returned my feelings in time, if you hadn’t been killed by a drunk driver. Who can really say?

I was dwelling on the past which was something I hadn’t done in so long. I was starting to forget why; I was on my seventh shot of whiskey.

Then, you walked into the bar and sat a few seats down from me.

Or she did. At this point, I couldn’t tell the difference.

You both had the same fiery red hair, emerald eyes, and perfect porcelain complexion.

It all came rushing back to me, why I was even sitting in this bar. I needed another drink or another four.

I looked at the clock hanging on the wall in front of me. It wasn’t even midnight yet. This was starting to feel like one of the longest nights of my life.

I could just leave, but I wasn’t intoxicated enough to forget you once I did. Staying though, wasn’t helping either. She was less than five feet away from me. She was just sitting there, breathing and slowly taking drinks of the margarita she just ordered.

Alex, get a grip. It’s not her. There are going to be plenty of girls with red hair and green eyes that cross your path. You need to learn that none of them are going to be her and not be fazed by them. You can’t keep doing this to yourself.

I ordered another drink.

And then, two more right after that.

My mind was going numb. I was forgetting. This was good. It meant I could leave soon.
Another hour passed and I hadn’t left yet. I was still sitting at my barstool taking back shot after shot. I had lost count of how many I had. Too many, I’m sure.Stella. The girl with the red hair was still two seats down, sipping her margaritas. She had only ordered two since she had been here. Unless she had consumed a lot of alcohol before arriving, she wasn’t even buzzed. I was almost positive about that fact. I looked up at the clock again. It was almost two. I had time for probably one more shot before we would be cut off.

Just as I ordered another, last call was announced.

I needed a way home. I couldn’t drive myself. I looked to my left at the girl before getting off my barstool.

Tapping the girl on the shoulder, my speech slightly slurred from alcohol, I said, “S-Stella, would you take me h-home?”