Friends or Family?

A week went buy. I covered different shifts, to "cover" different people. The rest of the week was pretty slow. Like my life was put on a skipping CD, all I got was 'slut, slut, slut, slut' ect. The job gave me money. Infact it was the only job I could think of to get where I could fake an ID and not worry too much about a background check. Slowly though is has been kicking me in the face....literally. Everyday standing out there makes me feel more and more dirty and unclean. It wasn't until tonight that I really had a good reason way. Knowing my boss I wouldn't get off easy unless I was dead.

Well my sleep has been royally fucked. Really working the nightshift got me sleep all day and working all night. I was either sleeping or working. What else would I do anyway? The pay was OK, about 13 dollars an hour. I get paid upfront every night. SOOO 13x8= 104. That's not too bad, $728 a week. Actually, I think that's really good, witch is why I need this job so bad.

Anyway to get on with my lifeI went to work as usual, my boss gave me a few 'pointers' on my outfit then he let me go. Just like that. It took him some time to realize I didn't comply to every little thing he suggested. He does that weird thing where he 'suggests' you do something but his eyes and his tone of voice lets you know that he expects it to be done. I hate that. It's one of my pet peeves. Telling you something without actually telling you something.
Really, like when your brother is hungry and he says something along the lines of:

"You should make me some food."

He says you should be never says you have to, but something in his voice or eyes tells you that in fact he excepts you to make you food and will be very displease when you don't.

I need that stuff straight up. Yes, I know sarcasm but I see it as a form of disrespect. If you want to tell me something, say it out right, don't beat around the bush and leave me there to figure out what you really said. Sorry I don't know what your thinking, that's life.

I'm like a horse who needs a direct rein. If you don't tell me exactly what to do i'm going to do what ever i want, and I won't care if your riding on my back. Why would I? I'm the one giving and your the one taking. I'm just 'giving' something you don't what. Tuff nuts. This is me, this is who I am. I'm sorry I won't melt to fit yout mold.

I'm free, beautiful, amazing and why should I let anyone else say anything other then that? Why should anyone listen to what anyone else says. Yea, almost everyone has heard of the line "You can't please everyone." Yea that sounds right, or you might as well die trying. I'm not talking about going into a coffin dying. No, No, you have an enternity to think inside the box their. I'm talking about smiling on the outside but hollow on the inside. When you live everyday the same and nothing ever changes. When sometimes you really don't care. How now and then when you say "fine". You really think you are. You've just forgotton what it's like to be whole. It's not one of those things where all the planets aline and BAM! Your whole for a few minutes and that should be good for the next 300 years. No you must find the wholeness on your own. Many are born whole. Their perfect, just for a moment. Their sheiled from hate and harm and is brought into this world for the sole purpose of love and that's what they have gotton with just a few bumps in the rode.

Others are born broken. It's not their fault. Maybe their father was gone, mom dead or some birth defect along the way but heres a news flash. Life isn't about being perfect, it's about looking beyond the inperfections. It just depends on how you look at it. Someone can be perfectly whole without a mother but with a best friend. Replace their father with a brother or a friend with a pet. All you have to do is forgive, no one says you have to forget.
They just..... suggest.