He Won't Be Coming Home

I was laying in my bunk, the entire room completely empty as I stared off into oblivion. I could hear cheering coming from outside the barracks, but I thought nothing of it. There was nothing for me to cheer about anyways.

I could hear pounding footsteps, the cheering getting louder and the feet getting closer until finally the doors of the barracks were thrown open and I was greeted with the hooting and hollering of all the members in my troop. I finally rolled onto my other side, coming face to face with them to see broad smiles on all the men's faces as they jumped around hugging and cheering.

"Sanders, pack your bags!" one of the men, Private O'Halloran, whooped as he came over to my bunk.

"What for?"

"We're going home, man! The war is over, we've won! We're all going home!"

I felt my heart soar at his words and it felt like finally, things were turning out right and everything was going to be okay. I was going home, back to my wife, back to my son, back to the world I belonged in. And I honestly couldn't be happier.

Standing up from my bunk I watched the group as they carried on with their fun and laughter. I put my fingers to my mouth and whistled shrilly and soon all their attention was on me. I smiled broadly at all of them before finally speaking.

"Well, what the hell are we waiting for!? Pack your shit up so we can get out of here!"
The men all broke apart, their good moods never faltering, and we all began packing all of our things up, throwing everything we owned there in the bunk room into our army fatigue bags as fast as we could. In only an hour's wait, we were all piling onto a jet with hundreds of others who were all going home.

I took a window seat and as the plane took off, I looked out the window silently saying goodbye to a land that had been my 'home' for so long. I couldn't keep the grin off my lips as we moved higher than the clouds, the barren desert country finally leaving my view once and for all. I was really going home.

Many hours and two layovers in England and New York later, I was waking from my sleep on a new plane. The sun shone brightly through the window next to me, and I wiped the sleep from my eyes as I looked through the thick glass, seeing the sacred California ground one more as we lost altitude, preparing to land. It was a place I hadn't been in months, almost a year, but it still felt as welcoming as ever.

I could feel the nerves collecting in my stomach as the plane finally landed. Only a few more hours before I would finally be home, back in the arms of my wife.

The taxi stopped outside my house and I quickly paid the driver before grabbing my bag and opening the door, stepping onto the front walk. I took a deep breath as the cab pulled away and looked over the house, wondering what would happen when I set foot inside. Would Jay still welcome me home with open arms? Would things ever really be the same after I, and no doubt she, had changed so much? I could only hope that things could begin to go back to the way they were before I got involved with this war.

Without another moment to lose, I strode up the walk, taking the steps up to the porch before stopping at the door. It was really strange, but I actually wondered if I should ring the doorbell, or just walk right in like I always used to. I hesitantly put grasped the handle and turned it, the door creaking as I pushed it open slowly. The kitchen was empty, but I could hear the TV playing in the distance and knew someone had to be in the living room.

Closing the door, I placed my bag on the floor by the entrance and moved toward the sounds. Stopping in the doorway, I could see Jayvee sitting on the couch, Alex laying with his head in her lap and his eyes closed as his mother gently ran her fingers through his hair. Jay was staring intently at the TV and had neither heard nor seen me approach, but I just smiled at the fact that I caught my wife and son together like that.

"Jay..." I whispered, not wanting to startle her. She looked over at my quickly and she jumped in surprise or in fright, I wasn't sure which.

"Matt?" she asked, and I nodded with a smile. "Alex... Alex, sweetie, wake up," she said quietly to our son as she gently shook him awake, and in a few moments his eyes were open and he was sitting up, rubbing them. It didn't take long for him to see me, and when he did, I smiled even wider.

"Dad!" he nearly screamed as he leapt up from the couch, running across the room and wrapping his arms around my waist. I wasted no time in picking him up and holding him in my arms, tears springing from my eyes as he wrapped his arms around my neck and buried his face in my shoulder.

"I missed you," he sobbed and I could feel his wet tears soaking through my shirt.

"Daddy missed you too," I whispered, and I opened my eyes to see Jayvee gazing back at me, tears filling her eyes as she silently smiled. I smiled back as I felt a few tears of my own slip down my cheeks.

I let my eyes wander down her body slowly, stopping at her slightly protruding belly. I gently put Alex back down on his feet and took a step toward Jay.

"Oh Matt," she whimpered as she fell into my arms. I was afraid that my grip was so tight on he that she would have difficulties breathing, but she didn't say a word as she wrapped her arms around me. I slowly nuzzled my face into her neck, not believing that I was actually in her arms again, after so long. Breathing in her scent, I realized that she still smelled the same as I remembered she did the day that I left.

"I thought you would never come home," Jay whispered into my shoulder, and I pulled away hastily kissing her lips.

"I know, baby, I know. I didn't think I would ever come home either," I answered back, placing my hands on her cheeks to wipe away her tears. "But I'm home now, and that's all that matters."

I awoke the next morning with a smile on my face, feeling better than I had in a very long time. I reached out to the spot next to me on the bed, feeling for Jay, but she wasn't there and the sheets were utterly cold and stiff. I slowly opened my eyes and came face to face with the dark barracks, full of sleeping soldiers getting ready for the next day of war.

It was all a dream. Just a dream, and I instantly felt my stomach drop, falling into an empty black pit, making me feel sick. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. It was just too much.

The one thing I wanted more than anything was to just go home. And it was the one thing that I couldn't have. I just wanted a normal life again, was that so much to ask for?

Turning over onto my back, I gazed up at the bunk above me, where I had the pictures of Jay and Alex, their silent eyes and smiling faces staring down at me from above. I choked on my sobs as they came harder, the tears clouding my vision. I sniffled loudly as I wiped them away, and then heard the lower bunk to my side creak.

"Sanders, you alright?" O'Halloran asked from the position where Zacky was supposed to have been. I often wondered how he felt about sleeping in the bed of a recently dead soldier. It had now only been a month.

"I'm fine. Just go back to bed," I answered him quietly, and I could tell he was still looking at me for awhile before he turned over again and went back to sleep. I just continued to stare up at those pictures above me, the tears leaking steadily from my eyes until the room began to fill with the light filtering through the windows. Sitting up, I reached under my pillow, grabbing my notebook and pen, and began to write.