Nature's Law

The rest of the day passed without much avail after Scott and my lopsided agreement to be friends. I spent the lunch hour huddled next to Mollie and Alice in the cafeteria, Mollie and I looking intently down at the book whilst Alice scanned the room of people, nudging my arm excitedly when she saw Lane as I was about to turn the page, causing my hand to jerk up slightly, ripping the page. Mollie had screamed in horror, hitting Alice repeatedly. Being in the middle of them, lunch hour hadn’t been fun for me either. I was now tending to several areas on my arms which I was sure would end up being purple tender bruises on my arms for several days.
I was almost home when I heard it. Someone was screaming; the sound made me shiver and my blood go cold. It ripped through me and surfaced old fears. I shook my head, rubbing my arms frantically, trying to make the bruises hurt so much I would forget about the screaming. I’m not the type of person who is unwilling to help people when they are in trouble; I hate to see people being victimised; I’m just not very good at stopping it. I guess I try to shove it to the back of my head; forget about it. I know it’s wrong, and that I should do my damn hardest to help them...I just can’t bring myself to put myself back there. When I was screaming and no-one was there to help me. I became aware of moisture on my cheeks and forehead, a mixture of tears and sweat. My breathing had become rapid and heavy. I felt dizzy, sick. I couldn’t make sense of my surroundings, everything was blurry and all I could hear was a deep ringing in my head. I became vaguely aware of someone gently patting my shoulder, as if to bring me to my senses. I shook my head, trying with all my might to tell them to just go, leave me. I was fine.
The patting stopped and I laughed to myself. Humans are never strong enough to help. Never strong enough to intervene.

When the ringing faded out I heard that the screaming had also stopped; thankfully. I hadn’t fully realised that I had my eyes clenched themselves shut, like when you’re a small child and naively think that if you can’t see it, it can’t harm you. Ha. I’ve had my eyes shut; it doesn’t help you through the pain or take you away from the situation. It makes you seem weak...scared. Alone.
I decided to try and forget the screaming, to think of happier things, and act as though I hadn’t heard anything; push it into the depths of my mind. As I rounded another corner I suddenly remembered that Harley was arriving today; she may already be at my house, if the traffic was good Mum should’ve had enough time to drive back from the airport by now. I found a new spring in my step as I finally walked round the corner which leads me onto my road. Over-taking a couple which were strolling hand-in-hand I darted through the gate and proceeded to the door, rifling through my bag in search of my key whilst I did so.
My mum was one of those somewhat annoying people who always had the door locked, no matter what. Even if she was at home in the next room, the front door was locked. She had severe paranoia about that...and about the windows. About twice every half hour she would walk around every room in the house, testing to see if the windows were locked. One of my earliest memories was being grounded for leaving my window open. Anyone could’ve climbed in and snatched me or Jeanne, who was only a few years old at that time, she said.

Pulling the key chain out, I rifled through all the different memorabilia I had attached to it, ranging from the pictures of Alice, Mollie and myself, to a strand of my dream catcher and a four leaf clover charm. I had three keys on my key chain, the one for the front door, the one for the back door and the one for Harley’s old greenhouse. The one we had moved with Haven when we were thirteen from their pile to be sent to the tip and to the outskirts of the woods. Not too far in amongst the dark depths of the trees, just far in enough for it to be secluded; scary. We had covered it with tree branches and long grass to try and conceal it even more. Haven had helped us to decorate the inside of the greenhouse, her alternative sixteen year-old style shining through in the posters of her favourite people and bands. We didn’t have a clue who half of them were, but they looked cool and we were young, dying to be seen and as cool and accepted by people older than us. Dying to be older.
I hadn’t been to the Den in over three years. Ever since Harley and Haven left, it didn’t feel the same, the writing on the walls seemed dead and stupid. The faces in the posters seemed to endlessly taunt me, tease me over the fact I was alone when they had all the people they loved standing in a picture next to them. The pictures of Harley and myself seemed blank, like someone had taken a bad rubber and attempted to rub them out, smudging the edges, making them seem older than they were - old and cheap. Cheap memories, like toys that I had bought, and had then been forced to throw away because the cheap toy had broken and was worthless - useless now.

“Amalia? Is that you honey?” My mother’s voice called from what I presumed was the kitchen.
“Yeah,” I called, excitement building. Harley would be here. Finally, after so long, my best friend would be back.
I heard murmured conversation before my mother appeared from through the kitchen door, I could see a pixie-like girl following her. It seemed as though Harley hadn’t grown since I last saw her. Although her long black hair now featured loads of choppy layers and a fringe which swept over her forehead. Her glittering blue eyes sparkled happily at me. I had always compared Harley’s dark black hair, creamy white skin and sky-blue eyes to something a writer would describe in a fairytale story. Something so predictable, yet so lovely and timeless. However, the very ideas of fairytales revolted Harley and myself, something even as children we had been able to agree on. Fairytales were for people who wanted to believe in something that wasn’t there.
What can I say? I had never believed in the concept of love. My parents had split a few months after Jeanne was born, and I never saw my dad anymore. I didn’t want to. He was too busy with his new life, complete with girlfriend and baby-to-be.
Jeanne refused to see him as well. As soon as Olivia came onto the scene and she realised that Dad wouldn’t trail round after her buying her anything she wanted, she lost interest. Shallow as it was, that was Jeanne. As soon as it wasn't all about her, she didn’t like it and distanced herself.

My jaw dropped with the sense of home I suddenly felt and I let out of sigh of relief, I wouldn’t have to go through this alone anymore. Harley had always been the confident, strong one out of the two of us, and I was like her shadow. I had words on the inside, but I could never voice them for my overwhelming fear of being mocked and my words never being forgotten. That had all changed now, I was stronger, no long a weak shadow which could be so easily lost in the crowd. I made my thoughts heard. I suffered with my problems, and remained strong. I had found my character, but for that to happen I lost my best friend.
My best friend who I was now hugging with all my might. She hugged me back and we held each other close for a moment, unsaid greetings passing between us.
I relaxed my hold on her and stepped back. “Oh, my God. I can’t believe your here. I actually can’t,” I wiped away the tears I hadn’t realised I had.
“Yeah...I know,” she said weakly, wiping at her own tears.
“I’ll leave you two to catch-up,” my mother said, and left the room, retreating back to the kitchen to continue with preparing dinner.

“So, how have you been?” I asked lamely “I mean, New Zealand! How’s life being a green fruit?”
She laughed and told me that it was scary due to the constant risk of being attacked with a big knife. “Seriously though, Lee, it’s amazing. I love the green hills, and pristine waters. It is one of the most beautiful places in the World.”
“I saw the pictures you sent, it looked like a movie,” I said wistfully.
“It is; they shoot there all the time,” What I liked most about Harley; she never bragged. Even though she lived in one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen, she wouldn’t go on about it, and was usually the one changing the subject if we got onto the matter.
“How’s school?” she asked me in return “You never mentioned anything about HPA when we last spoke...actually you’ve never spoken about it. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing...It’s fine. Same as when you left really, nothing to tell.”
“What about...friends?” She seemed nervous about my answer; as if she presumed I didn’t have any friends.
“Alice and Mollie”
“Oh, I remember them...”she trailed off. Why had it suddenly become so awkward between us? We used to be able to talk nonstop for hours.
From the pain in her eyes, I could tell she was thinking back to three years previously, the night before she was due the leave to New Zealand. The night everything for me changed. The night I was forced to become strong.

“Lee....are you, alright?” I knew she was talking about whether I had gotten over it yet.
“I’m fine.” I replied, shortly, praying she wouldn’t go into detail about it.
“I don’t think you understand...I mean about Tr--”
“I know what you meant!” I shouted, stopping her from uttering that name “And. I. Am. Fine!”
She looked broken, and I knew it was because she still blamed herself for what had happened. Still hated herself over it.
“Look....” she whispered after a long pause where we sat in awkward silence. “I hate myself for doing that to you, I would swap places with you if I could, I would!” she protested, looking at my questioning expression. “I want you to be honest with me Amalia. Are you alright? Don’t lie!” she said before I could open my mouth
“Come upstairs,” I pulled her wrist after me as I stormed towards the stairs.

I ripped my jumper and shirt over my head, so I was stood in my bra and skirt. The scars were fully visible.
I saw her break as she took them in. The one along my abdomen, the short line in my stomach and the long thin one along my collarbone.
“Lia....I had no idea”
“Yeah, well. Now you know” I sobbed “This is what that monster has done to me.” I saw her eyes darts to my forearms, which I had left dangling at my side, unguarded.
“Lia, you didn’t” She exclaimed “No! You can’t have! Lia....why?”
“Oh don’t act like you wouldn’t have done the exact same thing!” I said spitefully, pulling a long sleeved top from my bedroom floor over my head, concealing all of the scars again. “I was alone, Harley. You were gone. I couldn’t talk to my mother, Jeanne was always finding something wrong with her which took precedent to my problems. I had no-one. I felt worthless, alone.”
“Lia,” she was crying “I-I....”
“Don’t”
She walked over to me and hugged me, patting my back, the way you would comfort a child you had just grazed their knee.
“Trey was a bastard. Never let that scum let you think that you are worthless”
“A little too late for that” I half laughed, half choked on my tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know. You couldn’t have changed it though; no-one could’ve changed it...”
We remained hugging for ages, just hugging. Letting all of our fears fade away with our tears as they evaporated.