Clearly

The scent of Pierce’s shampoo invaded my nostrils again as he re-adjusted himself against my body. I don’t know how long his tears flowed last night, but they seemed as if they were a river of never-ending relief, worries, and fear. It’s all washing away, but even now, as he lay against me in my arms, I can tell he’s not truly content with himself.

I’ve been up all night, occasionally dozing for a bit until I’d somehow manage to startle myself back into consciousness. My thoughts have simply been consuming me and at times, it’s overwhelming. A busy mind leaves a busy trail of thoughts, which hinders one’s ability to sleep. Right now isn’t the time to sleep though. Pierce needs me and it is my job to be there for him, just like he would be there for me. I don’t want to see him so unhappy, but it seems virtually unavoidable.

I have so much respect for him as a person. He is still young, though he is a bit older than myself, but he knows what he wants to do with his life and he is determined to do so. He has a mother who loves him with absolutely every fiber of her being and a younger sister who cares about him just as much, even if she shows it in incredibly unconventional ways. And he has me. Together, we can all keep him smiling.

His father has seemingly missed all the milestones in his life, therefore viewing him as an obligation instead of something that he loves, but Pierce doesn’t allow that to get to him. But something inside me is telling me that his father’s disapproval and selfishness really wounded his heart. His father isn’t there for him the way he should be, but I get the feeling that he’s sort of ashamed to be related to him at times.

He is well aware of the fact that he’s privileged, but he doesn’t flaunt it. He wants to use his incredible resources to make a difference in the world, while his father is just looking for more ways to gain resources. To think that his son’s love is nothing but a way to gain publicity for him is absurd, and to know that his father is ashamed of him is even more ludicrous. In my eyes, it’s quite obvious which one of them is the better human being, and it is most certainly not John Walter Gordon. He just needs to let him go.

I grumbled as I slid down the bed a bit, scrunching up my nose as I blinked my eyes a few times, wiping away the desire for me to fall asleep since it was already nearing noon and I know that Pierce would end up keeping me awake all night if he sleeps too much today. I nuzzled my head against his once we were level, smiling as I felt his eyelashes kiss my upper cheeks as his own eyelids fluttered open.

“You’ve slept for hours,” I murmured to him softly, curling my hand in his hair instinctively. It’s always so soft and silky, never coarse and greasy. He values his hygiene and takes amazing care of his beautiful physique.

“Really?” He answered after a view minutes, his voice cracking on the second syllable. His throat was probably dry from last night, not to mention the fact that he was rather sweaty, something that seems to unfortunately accompany the act of crying.

“Really,” I murmured against his forehead as I craned my neck to press a quick kiss to it before rolling out of bed. “You really needed it though, I suppose,” I continued on as I quickly made my way over to the far corner of his bedroom where his miniature fridge and microwave were situated. I reached out to touch the handle, quickly retracting it out of surprised since it had shocked me, earning a deep chuckle from Pierce. “I’m glad my pain amuses you,” I said dramatically as I opened it and took out a cold bottle of water for Pierce. I’m glad that I’m cheering him up.

“You’re always amusing, Dalton,” he argued quietly as he watched me make my way back to the bed, greedily eyeing the water bottle hanging loosely between my fingers.

“Not really,” I said after a moment’s hesitation, handing him the water bottle. He immediately took it, obviously attempting not to chug it down like a maniac. “I’m just really awkward,” I stated honestly.

“Which translates into entertainment,” he argued as I crawled back into bed.

“Whatever you say, Pierce, whatever you say,” I consented, not wanting to argue with him over such trivial things when last night could have been incredibly traumatic for him.

Silence quickly enveloped us, but it wasn’t anything near an awkward silence, just a calming, relaxing one as I waited for Pierce to talk. Of course last night was still fresh on his mind and I wasn’t going to force him into speaking if he didn’t want to. All things aside, it truly did go well, besides his father’s asinine remarks and stupid obliviousness.

“Thanks,” he finally muttered.

I fought the urge to scream because that would have been both drastic and embarrassing, not to mention overly dramatic, but this is not the Pierce I know. It is not an unknown fact that Pierce is a man of few words and often has me babbling on about useless things for hours, smiling as I talked about the most random of topics because he enjoyed my voice for some unknown reason. But Pierce sounds almost defeated, something that shouldn’t be associated with such a strong, well-rounded individual.

“Do not thank me for something that you needed to do to finally feel at ease with yourself,” I stated simply. “I would have been there for you no matter what, as I assume you would for me.”

“But you didn’t have to,” he argued.

“I wanted to,” I insisted to him, grabbing his hand in a way that said this was the end of the conversation and I will not continue it if he is going to spew such nonsense. “I care about you,” I conceded.

“And I’m very grateful that you do because I don’t deserve you, but you don’t have to deal with me when I’m being a handful,” he continued, taking another swig of his water bottle as if this was the most normal conversation in the world.

“We’re not having this conversation,” I decided, cutting him off in case he decided to say anything else. Today is not a day that will be full of arguing like last night was. Tomorrow can be for arguing, but not today.

“But-.”

“No,” I cut him off. “No arguing with me right now. That’s the last thing either of us needs right now.”

An aggravated noise broke free from the back of his throat as he sat up in bed, staring at the wall directly across the room with me beside him. I don’t know how much time passed, but I could see his face visibly fall more and more with each passing minute until the only thing adorning it was a pathetic excuse of a lazy smile that he was attempting to use as a mask for his sadness. Seeing the site simply breaks my heart.

“You should shower,” I said after a while, hating the silence because it just meant Pierce would be like this longer. He is tired, out of it, completely unlike himself and I don’t like it at all.

“I should shower,” he repeated, nodding his head. Anything is better than lying in bed and pathetically trying to mask himself wallowing in his own misery.

“You stink,” I joked in a light tone, knowing he could catch my drift. He really smells pretty good, just like his usual hair care products and soaps.

“I do,” he said absentmindedly, climbing out of bed and stretching his hands above his head as his joints popped. He quickly peeled off his shirt and pants from the night before since they had been on his body for far too long.

“Hey, Pierce,” I muttered almost desperately, wanting to cheer him up. I hate seeing him this way.

“Dalton?” He questioned, turning around in the doorway of his personal bathroom, leaning against it almost lazily as if it took too much effort and energy to stand straight up.

I ran up to him, stopping in front of him.

“I did a lot of thinking last night,” I explained.

His mouth quickly opened and I immediately cut him off, “and don’t say that, that’s a bad thing because at this moment, I don’t think it is!” I muttered indignantly.

He cracked a tiny smile before nodding his head, telling me to continue. That tiny smile broke my heart. Something deep inside me was telling me that he was forcing it for me. Pierce Gordon should never have to force a smile.

“I was up all night just thinking about us and your parents and your family and everything you said last night,” I confessed. “And I just realized a lot of stuff about you and them and us and how everything is always complicated.” His eyebrows knitted together at that because I could tell I was nervously rambling, “but I realized you mean a lot to me,” I finished off, “like, a lot.”

He looked at me quizzically before saying, “You mean a lot to me too. I thought you knew that.”

“No, no, no,” I muttered, bringing my hand up to rub my forehead nervously because I was never good at things such as these. “Like, you’re going to occupy a permanent place in my heart,” I finally muttered, thinking that would do it.

He just looked at me like I had a goose on top of my head, thinking that I was speaking gibberish.

“I’m falling in love with you,” I finally conceded. “I’d say I love you, but I don’t really know if I do or don’t since it’s been so long and I don’t want to mislead you and I doubt you feel the same so soon, but you’ve quickly become this huge part of my life instead of that customer I used to admire from far away like a stalker. And I may not even be in love with you fully, but I swear I’m on my way to being in love with you. And I really don’t have any idea why I’m telling you this now,” I continued on, “I really don’t, but it was like an epiphany last night and I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you even if stupid people like your father make you unhappy because it hurts me to see you this way since I’m unhappy when you’re unhappy.”

A million alarms immediately went off within my head, telling me that I did the wrong thing. I could have so easily scared him away, prompting him to dump me because I got too clingy too quick. I could have embarrassed him or myself simply because that horrid explanation sounded like a bunch of gibberish thrown into a run-on sentence. I could have ruined everything we’ve built up, but my gut was telling me it was time to admit everything to him and for once, I didn’t want to be a chicken anymore.

I almost exhaled a sigh of relief when Pierce leaned forward, kissing my forehead before trailing his lips down my nose and reaching my lips, pressing his against mine slowly before pulling away with a light blush on his cheeks and the tiniest, most genuine smile I have ever seen on him placed upon his lips as he closed the door to shower.

As I said before, Pierce never really had a way with words, but his actions speak for him and honestly, I think that’s what makes him special because it makes everything all the more important to me that way.

We’re different, we balance each other out, and that’s okay because we’re slowly falling in love with each other. It’s just another journey that we have to tackle head on, but if we could get through last night and somehow manage to stay sane and happy, I think we can survive anything.

I truly, truly do.