Lockdown

She’s got the dark brown-green eyes and right now she’s a loner. It’s not that she doesn’t have any friends; it’s that her parents dictate who she hangs out with. But they want her with the preps—and that’s not Ace. She wears her hoodie, more than she used to, but that’s not new for her. But today there was something different. She had a blue tiny ring on her pinky, and if you looked close enough, her girlfriend, Angel—Call her Sirus. Angel isn’t like Ace. Well she is, but she holds more hope in her eyes, until the day her and Ace were told they can’t hang out. Now her eyes are dark. All she wants is Ace, but she can’t have her, which makes anytime alone that more fun. Sirus doesn’t have her heart anymore. It’s broken—but she knows if she takes it back from Aaron, call her Brian, Angel will feel the pain of the broken pieces. Ace is fixing her, but even Ace can’t always fix the broken can she?

“Ace wait up.” Sirus tried to grab Ace’s arm. It killed me to see the look in their eyes—both of them wanting to be in the others arms, but knowing the consequences of the action.

“I can’t Angel.” Ace threw her a note, chocking back tears, “You’ll understand when you read this.”

I looked at Ace's eyes, she hated pulling away from Sirus, just as Sirus hated seeing her pull away, but what could those two do? Yes they had fallen in love, but to Adrianna and Thomas, love didn't mean anything like what the real thing should be. I followed Angel into the bathroom, her eyes had gone black and she had lost all hope for fighting to stay with Ace.

"God why can't I just have one NORMAL fucking relationship? Where i don't fuck it all up." I saw a tear fall from her eye, but I couldn't stop it.

"There there darling." I muttered in her head, "You'll be with Acy. You just have to fight harder."

She hit a wall and I stared into her eyes. They were saddened, it killed me to see how lifeless they were when the night before they were bouncing and golden brown. They were beautiful. Now they look as if she were already dead.

"Sirus this isn't you. You're going to fight."

"I can't."
"You have to."

"Why? Why should I? I know the ending!"

"You love her. SiSi You're in love with her and you can't hide that. Knowing the ending makes the fall more fun."

"Fine." She walked out of the bathroom after hitting one more wall as hard as she could. I saw the traces of blood left on the brick wall, the blood on her knuckles was hidden by her jacket, her tears were hidden by her eyeliner and blonde hair. Sirus had all but lost hope for living. She kept looking at Ace, as did I. The tears were being bitten back, the thoughts and words had been locked up. That was Ace for you, she locked up, but Sirus easily saw through it. Sirus knew what she was thinking only because both of these girls were thinking the same thing: Get out of this school and leave them all here alone without any answers.

"Ammy." Sirus was surprised at how well she kept her voice from cracking, or the tears from falling as America and her walked to class.

"Princess, baby, Christa, my love,

hey baby, it's me Acy. I guess they figured it out huh? So, I'm sitting here crying, rocking back and forth in my room. Rents took my phone, laptop, car, everything. All I have is pen, paper, and my music.IDK what to do. they say no contact what so ever. I can't even walk with you anywhere. I'm supposedly on babysitter watch by the school. They are going to Merrils in the morning to talk with them. They say I'm lying. That I have been talked to, that I know what they are talking about and I'm just playing stupid. My eyes burn, my body aches, It's 4 in the morning and I'm drunk off my ass or so I think. I can't really tell. everytime I go to put this gun to my head I think of you, and prom day, and everything then I break down again. I haven't stopped crying. I just want out of here now, I can't stand it. I want to pull this trigger so fucking bad but I can't, nor will I ever leave you. You and me. We'll work out. We have to. No matter what I'm not giving up. There is no way in hell they are going to drive you away like they did Aaron. I won't let them. They keep telling me you are a plague and to treat you like a deadly disease. Well if you are a deadly disease I want to be infected cause at least I'd die happy. I have my knife, and alcohol and a gun I'll be perfectly fine. They just don't get the fact that I am getting drove insane by them and they don't seem to give a shit! AMAZING! isn't it! Shall we learn something new? Sigh whatever I'll go back to being the person I am at home. Uptight fucking little bitch perfect of a person. God I don't know what to do anymore! All I know is that my life will be hard, I am shaking, my face is bleeding, the gun is loaded and I'm running out of alcohol, but the most important thing is that I love you so incredibly much and they can't nor won't change that.

Yours forever

Never leaving

Annabel"
I stared at the note as Sirus fought back tears, "I can't lose her." She mumbled to only me.

"You won't lose her Sirus. She says she'll stay. You have to believe her."

"How can I?"

"You just will." She sighed, "Tell her you love her and it will be alright my dear."

"You don't know that."

"Yes I do."

"Fine. Whatever." She bit her lip and grabbed her binder to write a reply.

"Acy, babe, my girl, my dear

I don’t know what to say. I’m sitting in class trying not to cry and all I want to do is take you and run. Just to be held in your arms and hear you tell me it’ll work out. Please don’t leave. Acy-we can make it. Don’t use the gun—I’m not walking away from this unless you are, even then I’ll fight. I got in at four this morning. I was sitting at the park hoping—wishing somehow you’d show up, but I had to get home before mom was up.

It takes more than parents to push me away. Especially yours I want to know how I’m deadly disease—honestly. Because I don’t see it, both of us are happy so it shouldn’t matter.

I’m trusting that you won’t leave me. Don’t make me regret this.

So I can’t even hang out with you at lunch? I can’t stop hanging with America and Allissa and you and whoever else is in the group. God I want out of here. This isn’t fair. Will they ever fucking see just what they’re doing to us?! So I’ll go back to biting my lip and locking up, just like I was. But I promise. The instant I can be yours again I’ll be your princess. The girl you found. I love you Acy. God I can’t look at my fucking binder without crying. We have a sub so I haven’t had to take my hood off which is probably a good thing considering I think my eyes are black and stone hard. Looking into your eyes killed me, knowing I wanted to hug you, let you hold me and never let go. Never let you out of my arms no matter how hard the storm gets. I can’t promise it’ll be easy, but I’m not walking away. I won’t leave you Acy nor do I want to. God I just need to talk to you—to hear your voice and make it all better, to be in your arms even for a second. Great now I want to kiss you. Stupid fucking assholes of a lame excuse for parents saying we can’t be together. You’re the reason I came home tonight. ‘Maybe if I see her face it’ll be okay.’ ‘Maybe if I can look her in the eyes and promise her I’m not leaving she’ll believe me.’ ‘Maybe I love her and she loves me’ ‘maybe… (God I don’t like admitting this to you because it means admitting the impossible) ‘Maybe…I’m falling for her) yeah I said it! I think I’m falling for you. God that’s weird to say but I had to say it. I love you Annabel no matter what they do or say, I’m your princess. We’ll figure out what forever means *heartless laugh* I guess all our friends we’re right. We’re great together. We’ll get this figured out and when you’re 18 we’ll show them. 9 months 18 days until I can be in your arms. Mom won’t fight me to much just because she doesn’t want to lose me completely but I don’t care what she wants or what she says I want to be with you! And they aren’t going to stop me. I just GAH come hold me baby. I want to tell you to sneak out tonight but I don’t want you in more trouble because of me. Mom only has bitch beer and I have dad’s battle knife in my car. I think I had a fun night. Cops are pissed because a black figure out ran them past curfew but who really cares. All I know is I need to be by you. To tell you I love you and we’ll get through this. I love you. Nothing will change that.

Only yours

Princess Sirus.

P.S. If we’re creating our fairy tale it doesn’t have to end tonight"

"Ammy." She handed the note to America, "Make sure Ace gets this."

"I will. how are you."

Sirus rolled her eyes and gave a heartless, humorless laugh, "I'm as fine as fine can be." And walked off with tears in her eyes once again. It broke my heart to see Sirus and Ace like this. They used to be so happy when they were together. I hadn't seen Sirus that happy in a while. She was finally getting fixed and she fell again. That was her life, but I still wish I could change it. Sirus belonged with Ace. Everyone saw it.

"Ace. Ace. Ace." Ammy's voice filled Sirus and Ace's head. Sirus was at the end of the tabel staring into Ace's eyes. Just trying to tell her she loved her and it would work out.

"What America?"

"What happened with you two?"

"My fucking parents found out. What the fuck do you think." She laid back on the bench and wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Amcan backed off and sat in silence. I didn't think Sirus could hold it together if she kept looking in Ace's eyes but I knew neither of them would look away until the bell rang, and they were made to.
“SIRUS!” Ally ran up and hugged Sirus. Sirus just stared past her.

“Not now Als.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Uh huh. I’m hyper.”

“Yeah. So.” Sirus walked off to class not saying another word, that was just her, she wasn’t going to talk about anything right now. Her tears hit the desk in biology and her teacher didn’t even bother asking her to take the hood off. I guess if your eyes were as dark as hers then teachers would leave you alone to. She never looked up from her notebook. Words were flowing easily, but what they said scared even me, and nothing scares me.

"My inspirations gone
And it feels wrong
Not holding her close
Its just a drug overdose

They took my baby
And they want to save me
She fakes a smile
I'll run for miles

I see it in her eyes
Behind her wall, truth lies
I can break them down
But both of us they surround

She's fallen for me
Thats what they can't see
They say they'll help her
But I'm her cure

I know they don't approve
But they don't get to choose
Leave I will never
They can't lock her up forever

It's gonna be a fight
But baby I swear its alright
We'll get through this
But you I miss

I can't hug you bye
Baby tell me why
I'm falling apart
That doesn't seem to smart

My inspirations gone
Baby this feels wrong
I'm not going away
They'll see I'm here to stay"

"Who cares
What you say.
I'm better off
Dead anyway

This was Sirus and Ace. That was their life. They’d write the poems and I’d fear for Sirus’ life. Ace wouldn’t leave she promised, but Sirus had made no such promise not to end everything.