Gutter ***s
Flatulence
I walk past the living room to see my mother talking on the phone with Tre’s mother. Tre nearly rams into me as he stops behind me.
“They’ve been on the phone for half an hour.” I whisper.
“Well, considering they’re not yelling, I think it’s a good thing.” Tre whispers back.
“They’re going to wanna meet.”
“Err, good point.”
“Oh Tre!” my mother calls, “Your mom wants to talk to you.” Tre steps forward and gets the phone from my mother.
“Hello . . . fine . . . yeah, she’s fine too . . . I’m pretty sure its fine . . . it’s a fetus!” Tre exclaims, he turns to me, “Lisea, my mom wants to know if the baby’s doing okay.” I give him a look as if to say your mother is crazy.
“Uhh yeah.” I say furrowing my eyebrows.
“She says the baby’s fine . . . no mom she’s downing three daiquiris at a time.” He says sarcastically, “Of course she’s not drinking, god we’re not stupid.”
“So,” my mother says with big eyes, “did you get an ultrasound picture?”
“Oh shit, I forgot it at home.”
“Watch your mouth!”
“What?’
“You said shit!” she exclaims, “You can’t swear now that you’re going to be a mom.”
“Yeah well there’s seven and a half months until that happens so, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” I look at my mother who’s completely unamused.
“Well you should get used to not swearing.”
“MOM!” Tre exclaims, “Stop asking me those types of questions.”
“His mother seems quite eccentric.” My mother says calmly.
“Uhh well uhh.” I stutter, “I guess so.”
“I would really like to meet his family.” She says cheerily, “Maybe you all should come before Tre goes on tour, or maybe your father and I could go there, considering we haven’t even seen where you live yet.” I swallow hard.
“Yeah.”
Tre seems to appear next to me out of no where.
“We were just headed out to take a walk.” I say to my mother and grabbing Tre’s hand. We head out the door.
“We’re going on a walk?”
“My mother just told me she wants to meet your parents.”
“Okay.” He shrugs.
“She wants to come to our place.” I hiss.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s just above being a squatter building!” I say rolling my eyes, “Not to mention Billie, Mike and Jackson. Oh yeah and whatever Gilman people crash on the floor.”
“Ermph.” Tre pouts.
“None of this mattered before.” I sigh, “I could deal with my mother’s criticism about how I live before, but now with the baby coming, we really need our own place.”
“Yeah I guess.” Tre sighs, “I mean, its not like we can’t afford it.”
“So, umm your band is making money?”
“Well yeah, we just stayed in the same place cause our lease lasts till next December and we’re too lady to do anything about it.” Tre laughs, “I think I’ll miss having Billie and Mike as roommates, oh the flatulence.” We both burst out laughing as she stroll down the street.
“Has Adie picked up on how bad Billie’s gas is?” I ask laughing as we go into the park.
“I don’t think so, because when we were in Minnesota last, he came back to the van and cut like a million of them saying he held them in the whole time he was with Adie.”
“Oh then she’s in for a nasty shock when she stays this summer.” I say evilly.
“They’ve been on the phone for half an hour.” I whisper.
“Well, considering they’re not yelling, I think it’s a good thing.” Tre whispers back.
“They’re going to wanna meet.”
“Err, good point.”
“Oh Tre!” my mother calls, “Your mom wants to talk to you.” Tre steps forward and gets the phone from my mother.
“Hello . . . fine . . . yeah, she’s fine too . . . I’m pretty sure its fine . . . it’s a fetus!” Tre exclaims, he turns to me, “Lisea, my mom wants to know if the baby’s doing okay.” I give him a look as if to say your mother is crazy.
“Uhh yeah.” I say furrowing my eyebrows.
“She says the baby’s fine . . . no mom she’s downing three daiquiris at a time.” He says sarcastically, “Of course she’s not drinking, god we’re not stupid.”
“So,” my mother says with big eyes, “did you get an ultrasound picture?”
“Oh shit, I forgot it at home.”
“Watch your mouth!”
“What?’
“You said shit!” she exclaims, “You can’t swear now that you’re going to be a mom.”
“Yeah well there’s seven and a half months until that happens so, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.” I look at my mother who’s completely unamused.
“Well you should get used to not swearing.”
“MOM!” Tre exclaims, “Stop asking me those types of questions.”
“His mother seems quite eccentric.” My mother says calmly.
“Uhh well uhh.” I stutter, “I guess so.”
“I would really like to meet his family.” She says cheerily, “Maybe you all should come before Tre goes on tour, or maybe your father and I could go there, considering we haven’t even seen where you live yet.” I swallow hard.
“Yeah.”
Tre seems to appear next to me out of no where.
“We were just headed out to take a walk.” I say to my mother and grabbing Tre’s hand. We head out the door.
“We’re going on a walk?”
“My mother just told me she wants to meet your parents.”
“Okay.” He shrugs.
“She wants to come to our place.” I hiss.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, it’s just above being a squatter building!” I say rolling my eyes, “Not to mention Billie, Mike and Jackson. Oh yeah and whatever Gilman people crash on the floor.”
“Ermph.” Tre pouts.
“None of this mattered before.” I sigh, “I could deal with my mother’s criticism about how I live before, but now with the baby coming, we really need our own place.”
“Yeah I guess.” Tre sighs, “I mean, its not like we can’t afford it.”
“So, umm your band is making money?”
“Well yeah, we just stayed in the same place cause our lease lasts till next December and we’re too lady to do anything about it.” Tre laughs, “I think I’ll miss having Billie and Mike as roommates, oh the flatulence.” We both burst out laughing as she stroll down the street.
“Has Adie picked up on how bad Billie’s gas is?” I ask laughing as we go into the park.
“I don’t think so, because when we were in Minnesota last, he came back to the van and cut like a million of them saying he held them in the whole time he was with Adie.”
“Oh then she’s in for a nasty shock when she stays this summer.” I say evilly.