Slowly Dying Alone

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.....Kylie was currently sitting in the Chemo Room, once again getting her Chemical IV. This time Denise had allowed just Nick and Kylie to come, since Denise had some last minute errands to run.

.....“Nick?” Kylie said after several minutes of silence.

.....“Hmm?” Nick questioned lifting his head up from the back of the chair he was sitting on.

....."Can I ask you a weird question?” Nick nodded and Kylie got right to her question. “Do you ever think about love?” she asked her voice full of innocence and vulnerability.

.....“Sometimes, I guess, why what about love?” Nick asked confused.

..... “I sometimes worry that I might never get the chance to fall in love,” Kylie admitted as her cheeks began to turn a slight pink color, due to her embarrassment over the subject.

.....“Why would you think that?” Nick asked, slightly shocked, “I think anybody would be lucky enough to have you love them,” he stated. Kylie once again blushed.

.....“I don’t know why anyone would want me; I mean this cancer, even if I manage to beat it, will leave a lasting toll on me. It might affect the person that is supposed to love me,” Kylie whispered. Nick looked at Kylie in slight shock. He had never seen her so vulnerable, and Nick was desperate to understand where she was coming from.

.....“Kylie,” Nick whispered as he pulled Kylie’s chin, so she would look at him, “Kylie, love is all about understanding, it’s one of the greatest powers that God gifted to mankind. We can love so passionately that all that little stuff won’t matter in the end. True love will always prevail because it’s the kind of love that is worked for. Love is a give and take kind of action. If I love you, then I will be willing to give you as much as I take from you. Love is the perfect compromise,” he said with so much passion that Kylie had tears in her eyes.

.....“It all sounds too perfect and romantic, but I honestly can't see someone wanting to give me their whole heart. Every time I’ve loved someone, they’ve been taken from me. First my parents, and then my foster parents, I fear that the next person I allow myself to love, will disappear as well. I fear that I will be destined to die alone,” Kylie said as she looked into Nick’s eyes. “To have someone love me, I mean truly love me, is on my list of things that I would like to happen before I die. But I don’t think it will be accomplished,” Kylie added, telling Nick her greatest fear.

.....“Please don’t give up hope, Kylie. I know that there is someone out there for you; you just have to let God show you the way. Let Him guide your heart, and He will lead you to your destiny,” Nick then whispered, before placing a small kiss on Kylie’s forehead. Kylie smiled and leaned against Nick’s shoulder, allowing him to wrap her into his arms.

.....‘I know there is someone out there for you,’ Nick thought as he leaned his head on top of Kylie’s, ‘I just hope that someone will turn out to be me,’ his mind saying what his lips could not.

.....Kylie closed her eyes and suddenly visions of Nick kissing her filled her head. She watched as he gently leaned down, and kissed her with a passionate embrace. Kylie shuttered at the vision, but allowed it to move forward, but instead of her head being filled with Nick’s sweet kiss; she saw her dream taking a different route, a route that didn’t look all that happy.

.....***

.....A slightly older Nick walked up to a small little girl with a smile. The little girl had Nick’s dark curly hair and his adorable smile. Kylie got a closer look at the little girl and saw her own brown eyes in the girl.

.....“Daddy, why did God have to take mommy from us?” this little girl asked. Kylie watched Nick lean down to be at eye level with the child.

.....“Lexi Faye,” he started out gently, pulling little Lexi into his arms, “God took mommy from us, because it was her time. God decided that mommy was needed more in heaven. You see with mommy up in heaven, she will be able to watch over all the little babies that don’t have a mommy and a daddy,” Nick finished with a gentle touch to Lexi’s curls.

.....“Like you and mommy took care of kids without mommy’s and daddies?” Lexi asked eagerly.

.....“Just like that,” Nick said with a smile.

.....“Then I know mommy will be happy up in heaven,” Lexi said with a determined heart. Kylie studied the girl, she tried to figure out her age, but it was tough to tell. She looked to be the age of four or five, but Lexi also seemed to have a well progressed verbal skill.

.....“Nick, it’s time,” a very pregnant woman said as she walked into the room that Lexi and Nick were in.

.....“Thanks Dani,” Nick said with a sad smile. He turned to Lexi, “Are you ready to say goodbye to mommy?” he asked, his eyes dulling slightly.

.....“I’m ready daddy. Are we bringing baby Kyle with us?” she asked eagerly.

.....“Yes, we better go get him,” Nick agreed. Kylie followed them into another room and saw a newborn baby sleeping in a crib. Nick walked up to the crib and smiled at the baby. “Hey there buddy,” he said gently as he took the baby out of the crib, “Are you ready to go say a last goodbye to your mommy?” he asked as he looked at the baby with a tender love. The baby made a soft sighing sound and Lexi giggled.

.....“I think that means yes, daddy,” she said.

.....“I think you might be right,” Nick agreed with a soft smile to his daughter. Together they walked out of the room, and Kylie suddenly found herself in another building. She looked around and saw a casket sitting at the end of the room. She quickly walked over to it and saw herself lying within the soft silk. Kylie gasped and fell back.

.....***

.....“Kylie… Kylie… Kylie!” a voice called that woke Kylie from her deep slumber. She looked around and saw Nick looking worried.

.....“Is something wrong?” Kylie asked, confused.

.....“You were having a nightmare or something,” Nick said as he looked Kylie over.

.....“Oh, I was having a pretty strange dream,” she said. Nick looked at her, he didn’t say anything, but Kylie felt the need to explain some of what she was dreaming. “I had a family, and they were getting ready to attend to my funeral. I saw myself lying in the casket and seeing it made me freak out a little,” she said as she looked down. Nick once again took her chin into his hand and forced Kylie to look at him.

.....“Listen, I’m not allowing you to give up,” Nick said with some fierceness.

.....“I didn’t see myself now, I saw my future me. I was several years older,” Kylie felt the need to clarify her words. Kylie was then suddenly curious. “Nick, do you know a Dani?” she asked her brows furling together. Nick looked at Kylie in confusion.

.....“Dani is Kevin’s wife,” he said and then added as an afterthought. “Why?”

.....“Because she was in my dream, and she was very pregnant,” Kylie said.

.....“Was I in your dream?” Nick then asked. Kylie blushed, and then nodded.

.....“Yeah, you were,” she said not giving him anything else. Nick nodded but nothing else was said on the matter. He knew that when she was ready, Nick would get the entire story.