Every Rose Has Its Thorn.

“Izzy?”

He looked up from the guitar he was playing around with. A cigarette hanging from his lips, and his black bangs hanging in his hazel eyes. He looked a little confused when he first looked up, but his face instantly softened when he looked at me, “what’s wrong Lizard?”

I plopped myself down on the floor by his feet, resting my head on his knee, and let out a sigh, “would you say I’m good looking?”

He quirked an eyebrow, “is this a trick question?”

I shook my head, no. He chuckled, “well… I’d fuck you.”

I smiled, “am I nice?”

“Yeah…”

“Funny?”

He nodded, looking a little but confused now.

“Fun to be around?”

“Yes. Liz, why are you asking me these stupid questions?”

I closed my eyes and sighed, “I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with me.”

He let out a groan; “Elizabeth Thorn there is nothing wrong with you.”

As much as I wanted to believe that, I couldn’t. There had to be something wrong with me. I hadn’t had a boyfriend since I was fifteen, right before I became friends with Axl. Axl and I had been best friends for years now, and I’d been in love with him for most of that time. I’d follow him to the ends of the earth. I was always there for him, when he got mad, when he was hurt, when he was happy. I was there for all of it. But he never once seemed to look at me as more then a friend. I just couldn’t figure out what was so wrong with me.

“I’d like to believe you Izzy… but I just cant,” I looked up at him, fighting a small amount of frustrated tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes.

“Maybe you should listen to what Duff has been telling you, and just tell Axl how you feel,” he ran a hand through my shoulder length brown hair.

“What does Axl have to do with this?” I wasn’t quite sure if I liked that Izzy knew exactly what was the cause of my insecurities, or not.

He smiled down at me, “we’ve been friends for how long now? I think it’s safe to say I know you pretty well and can tell what’s going on. And besides,” he shrugged, “who else is the cause of all your problems.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that, “I wouldn’t call him the cause of my problems. And I am getting pretty tired of waiting for him… but I just can’t tell him, Izzy.”

He shrugged again, “call him what you like, but I think you should tell him how you feel… sometimes- scratch that, most of the time we’re completely oblivious when it comes to this shit. So either tell him, or move on.”

I just looked up blankly at Izzy. That was a little harsh. I knew he meant well by it, and that he was probably right. But the thought of being with someone other then Axl didn’t sit well with me. I knew I couldn’t do that, but maybe some time apart would be good for both of us.

Axl had grown pretty dependent on me, as much as he didn’t like to think so. I bought all his food, made sure his bills were paid on time, I made sure he was somewhat on time for things, I looked after him when he got drunk and nursed him back to health the next morning, I did any little thing he didn’t want to do. I did everything for him really, anything he asked. I couldn’t say no to him.

Some time apart would actually be really good for us. Axl could start doing things for himself like a normal adult… and I could do something that didn’t revolve around Axl and his needs.

“You’re right… thanks Izzy,” I said as I got up

He looked slightly surprised; probably because I was agreeing with him, “okay…good.”

I gave him a weak smile, I was gonna miss Izzy while I was gone, “bye Izzy.”

“Later Lizard,” he mumbled as he went back to his guitar. I doubted he figured out that I would be seeing him later. He probably thought that I was agreeing to tell Axl how I felt. Yeah, fat chance of that happening.

I walked out of Izzy and Stevens hotel room, and down the hall to my and Axls room. I was hoping he was there, and alone. I always felt awkward and hurt whenever I stumbled across him and another women. It was just another reassurance that I would never be good enough for him; I’d always just be the best friend. And that killed me.

There went any sexual noises coming from behind the door when I got there, but there were loud noises that sounded like things being thrown, and Axl angrily cursing. Well, that was just wonderful, I’d caught him in a good mood.

“Axl?” I asked quietly as I slightly opened the door.

“I cant fucking find it!” he cried as he threw his suitcase against the wall and angrily sat on the bed.

I entered the room and closed the door, “what cant you find?”

“My goddamn bandana,” he seethed, glaring around the room with his arms crossed like a five-year-old.

I glanced around the room, and quickly spotted it on the bedside table between our beds. I walked over and grabbed it, “here it is.”

He let out a rough sigh, as I handed it to him, “of course it would have been right in my fucking face the whole time, and I didn’t see it,” he looked up at me and smiled, “where would I be without you?”

I slightly frowned at that, “I duno… but we’re soon going to find out.”

His smile quickly turned into a slight frown, “what do you mean?”

“I’m gonna take off for a little while… maybe get a place in Holland for a while,” I’d been to Holland before and really liked it there, particularly Hilversum. I figured it would be nice to visit there while I was taking a break from Axl. And it was defiantly far enough away that I wouldn’t be able to just run right back to him after a couple of days.

“What?” though he still looked confused, some returning anger was apparent in his voice, “why would you want to go to Holland alone?”

I wasn’t quite sure why, but the tone he was using with me was making me a little angry. And the fact that he just assumed I was going by myself, of course I was, but he could have at least asked, “Look Axl. It’s not really your business why I want to go to Holland. Maybe I just want a change of scenery. And you don’t know if I’m going alone or not.”

The anger was now apparent on his face, “are you going with someone?”

“No, not that it’s really any of your business,” I snapped, as I started to grab my bags.

“It is my business, you’re my best friend,” he growled as he got up and walked over to me, “we can go to Holland when the tours over.”

When he said best friend it really struck a nerve with me. That was all I was to him, and all I ever would be. Why was I wasting my time with a man who didn’t love me the way I loved him. I felt my stomach sink, as I looked him in the eye. He looked more frustrated then mad.

“No, we aren’t going anywhere,” I seethed; I wasn’t angry with him, but myself, “I am going to Holland, and I am going today.”

I started to lug my two bags to the door, only to have one of them pulled out of my hand. I turned to Axl and saw he was now really pissed, but his eyes held a lot of hurt.

“Give me back my bag, William,” I said with a dangerously calm tone as I sent him a very forced glare. I needed to get out of the room before I broke down in tears. I had to keep telling myself that this was the right thing to do, and that I would be fine. I didn’t believe myself, but I knew I had to get out.

The look he was giving me broke my heart into a million pieces. I’d never seen him give me that look before. Never in all my years of comforting him after break-ups had I seem him so sad. He tossed my bag at my feet and sat down on the corner of what was once my bed.

“I don’t understand,” he said quietly, as he looked away from me, “why are you leaving me? What did I do?”

I set down my bag and walked over to him. I was really fighting back tears now; a couple even escaped my eyes. I gave him a small kiss on his forehead, “you didn’t do anything… it’s just me.”

He looked up at me with that ‘you-just-kicked-my-puppy’ look, “I can help you with whatever it is Lizzy. Just please don’t go.”

The tears were now flowing freely from my eyes, “no, you cant. I’m sorry, Axl… I love you.”

With that I quickly grabbed my bags and ran out of the room. I raced to the elevator, ignoring Axl’s voice calling my name. I needed to do this. If I didn’t I would end up miserable and alone for the rest of my life, being tortured by having to watch Axl be happy with some other woman. I just couldn’t do it any more. This had to be the right thing to do, even if it was tearing me apart.

I closed my eyes tightly and listened to the elevator go down. I never imagined leaving Axl this way. Hell, I never imagined leaving Axl. I just hoped this really was the right thing to do for us.