Love Comes In Many Dangerous Forms

My eyes stung and my throat felt raw. I felt weak, broken, and helpless. No one could help me or my family, we were damned with death. I could feel myself shaking in fear and regret, regret for not knowing how to help and fear of what would happen.

I heard the door open and I rushed wiping my tears away and got to my feet shakily. I saw Jimmy in my closet doorway rubbing his teary eyes.

I immediately ran over to him and asked, “Jimmy what’s wrong?”

“I-I had a n-nightmawe,” he sobbed and wrapped his tiny arms around my legs.

“I’m sorry sweetie. Do you want to talk about it?” I asked him.

He shook his head no, and I bent down to his level and hugged him. He cried into the crook of my neck and I felt bloody tears race down.

“Shhh, Jimmy. It’s okay,” I soothed patting my hand on his back lightly.

“Do you want a bubble bath?” I asked him after he started to calm down.

He nodded his head as he rubbed teary his eyes.

I kissed the top of his head and told him to go lay down on the bed. I walked over to one of the guest bathrooms and put some bubble bath in the tub and filled it up with warm water.

I sat down on the tiled floor, wishing for everything to be over, to be normal. But nothing was normal in my life. I was terrified, but I wasn’t terrified of dying or how I would die. I was terrified because of Jimmy. He had no one, he would trust no one, he would be alone, and that was my worst fear.

I struggled not to cry, I struggled to stay strong, and I struggled not to give into weakness, but it impossible, and finally I gave in.

Tears slid out of my eyes when I thought I had cried them dry. Heartache gnawed at me sending a wave of torment and agony throughout my body. I fought the bile that was rising up from my stomach down, and clenched my fists together, digging my fingernails into the skin of my palm. I bit my tongue preventing from screaming out in horror and let the blood seep freely into my mouth and down my throat only making it harder no to vomit.

I sobbed out and I felt something start rubbing my back. I turned around to see Jimmy with a confused expression on his face.

“What’s wong?” he asked climbing into my lap and rested his head against my chest.

I cried harder as wrapped my arms around him. He started wiping my tears away with his little hands and smiled when he saw that I had stopped crying.

“Jimmy,” I started almost inaudibly, “N-no matter what happens I will always love you, okay?”

He tilted his head to the side confused, “Are you weaving?”

“Yes, but I p-promise I will be back s-s-soon, and I-I’ll even get you something, does that sound good?” I willed myself to lie, not wanting to upset him.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, “I love you, Mommy.”

“I love you too sweetie,” I struggled not to cry.

Jimmy rarely ever called me ‘mom’ or ‘mommy’ because he knew who his real mother was. I knew he didn’t want to upset her by calling me his mother. And I knew and respected that he knew his real mother was, and it never bothered me, because I had no right to rip him away from her.

“Why don’t you get in the bath sweetie?” I suggested pulling away from him.

“Okay,” he smiled happily and started taking off his blue shirt.

I smiled and walked over to the closet and collected some towels and a bath cloth. I set them next to the bath and asked jimmy if he needed any help.

“No,” he stated stubbornly as he struggled to get his shirt over his head, “I’m a big boy, I can do wit.”

“Alright, if you need me, just call,” I gave him one last broken smile before I shut the bathroom door and came face to face with a confused Zach.

“You’re leaving?” he asked.

“You eavesdropper,” I accused.

“Why are you leaving?” he questioned.

“Actually we’re leaving. I have to find Tristan,” I explained.

Zach groaned, “We’ve looked everywhere, Cass, you don’t even know if he’s still out there.”

“I don’t care Zach. Tristan is my brother, and I’m the only one who cares enough about him to get him back. And if I were in Tristan’s place would you give up on me?” I challenged.

“You know that’s not fair Cassie.”

“I don’t see how it isn’t. Tristan practically gave his life away for me. The least I could do is bring him back home,” I told him.

“Who else is going?” he sighed.

“Um, I was going to ask Colton, and… Shane has already said yes,” I flinched as he glared at me.

“You are inviting you almost murderer?!” he shouted.

“Zach, you know he didn’t mean it,” I defended.

“If he meant it or not, he hurt you Cass.”

“A lot of people have hurt me, Zach, and I will forgive everyone one of them if I could-.”

“What about your rapist, Cassiel? Could you forgive him?” he cut me off, “He hurt you more than anyone else ever has. Don’t you remember? Him ripping you best friend to shreds, him taking the one thing you had left, and then framing you. D-.”

“Stop it, Zachary,” I cried, “If you didn’t want to go, all you had to do was say it,” and with that I brushed past him with tears sliding down my face.