Love Comes In Many Dangerous Forms

“What do mean by my past?” my mouth ran dry as I felt ice shoot down my spine.

“He’s known about you ever since the day you were born,” she explained opening the book. “This is his journal, every day he would put something in here, a picture, a drawing, or he would write about you. This is the only thing left about him in this castle or anywhere else for that matter.”

I ran my fingertips over the smooth cover, my hand shaking as I picked the thick book up like it was a deadly weapon. I peeled the leather from the first page where an old photograph was taped to the page. It was of a baby who looked to be not even a day old. At first I thought it was Jimmy, but when I looked closer the baby had different features, the newborn’s eyes even when they were closed were too big for Jimmy’s, and the lips were to bow shaped to be his.

“That’s you, Cassiel,” Elizabeth touched the black and white picture lightly tracing the edge of the photo.

I swallowed loudly as I scanned the grainy picture again and saw a man holding me in his arms. I couldn’t see his face the picture was too distorted, but I knew it wasn’t my father or even Derik. But I had this sinking feeling when it all came together.

“Is that…” I felt bile rise up my throat and it took all I had to push it back down as I saw Elizabeth nod mutely.

“We think that he was the first to offer your parents a deal, but then the Nevatixs came,” she said blankly turning the page for me.

“You say it like you knew that it was me all along,” I frowned looking at the cursive writing; slightly glad that I couldn’t read it. But I knew I would have to have Vera read it for me later.

“I didn’t,” she blinked and turned towards me. “But when I heard that he was following you, I had a feeling that you were the girl.”

I ran my tongue across my chapped lips and looked back to the book. I passed page by page of the book skipping the written portions. But as I looked over each page I could feel the knot in my stomach become tighter and tighter but I managed to ignore it, mostly anyway.

Every picture, every sentence, every little trinket that was in that journal hit me harder than before. He had every day of my life in that book, from the first day till I turned twelve.

Most of the pictures were just of me working around the Simmer’s castle. Scars covered every inch of my body most of them were new but I could make out some of the fading imperfections. I wore the same tattered rags that I could still feel rubbing against my skin leaving painful rashes scattered across my skin. My hair was always tide into a long braid that my mother did every morning before we ate our stale bread and unpurified water. I had dark circles under my eyes and even with the poor quality picture I could still see them clearly. My body looked so unhealthy; my face was so sunken in it looked like my bones would break through my skin. My arms and legs looked like twigs that would break if someone dropped a grain of sand on them that they would shatter into a million pieces.

There were things other than pictures and writing in that journal. There was a piece of my uniform, a button from my doll’s dress, and lock of hair. But none of those things made me break down as much as one picture did.

It was of me and Michael. We were both sitting on my bed that just made out of moldy hay with an old sheet surrounding it. I was leaning against his shoulder his left arm was wrapped around my shoulders while his head rested on top of mine. I was holding a fresh loaf of bread that he snuck in; I remember it was the best thing I had ever eaten. That picture was taken on my birthday just a few months before he died.

I felt my eyes start stinging as I threw the book against the wall and hit one of the candles. I watched as it caught on fire and fell to the floor, I ran out the door the second I was sure everything in that journal wouldn’t be able to be recovered.

I bolted down the halls towards the entrance but Shane caught me.

“No! Let me go!” I screamed fighting against his hold. But nothing worked so I gave up sobbing into his chest.

“Shhh Cassiel,” he soothed rubbing his hand up and down my back.

“What happened?” Vera asked quietly and felt her stroke my hair.

“She saw Blake’s journal,” Elizabeth answered regret lacing her voice.

I heard Blaine sigh, “I knew that was going to be too much for her.”

“What was in it?” Audrey demanded and her foot tapping impatiently echoed throughout the foyer.

Elizabeth answered her after a moment, “Her life.”

I couldn’t breathe; my throat felt like it had closed shut preventing any air from entering my lungs. My head was pounding and my vision blurred as I felt Shane’s arm that was wrapped around my waist tighten to the point of pain.

“What do you mean by that?” Shane’s voice was just above a whisper.

“He had something put to put in his journal every day of Cassiel’s life,” Elizabeth told them calmly.

I took in a sharp breath, my chest aching from the lack of oxygen, “H-he knew us. He knew Mi-Michael and me before…” I couldn’t finish so I just pressed my face against Shane’s shoulder. “He knew how much he meant to me.”

“Let’s go clean you up,” Vera took my hand and led me to the small kitchen and I leaned against the counter letting my face fall into my hands.

I heard the faucet turn on and saw her put an old rag under the stream of water. She wrung out the water and started to wipe the dried blood off of my skin.

“What am I going to do?” I asked as she took the pins out of my hair and rinsed each lock under the water that was gushing out of the faucet.

“Whatever you think is right,” she said softly, attempting to get the stains out of my dress.

“Where’s Tristan?” I frowned twisting and unraveling my fingers together to try and keep my hands busy.

“Saying goodbye,” she took in a deep breath, turning away from me. She didn’t want me to see her cry, and I didn’t want her to see me cry anymore either.

“Go,” I told her taking the stained rag from her shaking hands.

She left without another word and when I heard the door swing shut I let myself curl up in a tight ball. I couldn’t focus on anything, not the cool tile that was pressed against my cheek, or the sound of drops of water dripping onto the ceramic basin of the sink, I didn’t even notice the sound of someone entering the room until I saw someone standing over me.

I flinched away when he tried to touch my cheek.

“Cassie,” I heard Zach sigh. “They don’t deserve your tears.”

“I don’t care that they hated me, or that they were using me, or even if they were going to kill me. I loved them, Zach,” my voice was thick and strained but I didn’t care if he understood me or not.

He was silent for a moment, “What are you going to do when the council finds out?”

“The next meeting is in six months, I doubt that they will check in. It’s just us that know, and I can forge their signatures. We’ll be good for a little while,” I closed my eyes for a minute and Hillary’s dead eyes were staring back at me.

“You were supposed to get married in a month, and the Nevatrixs were going to go back home after tonight,” he pointed out.

I took a lock of my hair, twisting and turning it absentmindedly, “I’ll say that they’re going to have an extended stay here, and that we’re having trouble with the dress.”

He leaned against the counter but eventually asked, “What are we supposed to do with the bodies?”

“I don’t know,” I pressed my face against the tops of my knees trying to rid myself of the nightmares that would surely haunt me tonight.

“It’ll get better,” he reassured me, but I couldn’t help but notice the tone of doubt in his voice so I just stayed silent.

I heard the door sing open and the familiar sound of Lucy’s paws walking on the tile.

“Hey girl,” I reached out to scratch her ear, but her tongue caught my hand instead leaving a trail of drool behind.

“Gross,” Audrey came into the room carrying a sleeping Jimmy in her arms, her nose scrunched up in disgust as she stared at my hand.

“Hey,” I bit my bottom lip. “Where are Elizabeth and Shane?”

“Shane is in the hall with Carly keeping watch, and Elizabeth is with Blaine trying to find Athen,” she explained offhandedly.

“Where is he?” I frowned staring up at her.

“We don’t know, he’s not in the castle, he’s not in the village, and he isn’t at the beach,” she rolled her green eyes. “He was a jackass anyway.”

I scoffed humorlessly, “That tongue of yours is going to get you in trouble on day.”

“I’ve held it back for almost eighteen years, I can’t hold it anymore,” she gave me a small smile. “How are you doing?”

“I feel like hell,” I told her, resting my head against the wall.

“Do you want anything?” I saw pity clearly reflecting in her eyes.

“Don’t do that,” I ordered halfheartedly.

“Do what?”

“Treat me like I’m the victim. I’m fine, I really am,” I told her, running my hand through my knotted hair.

“Alright,” she closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. “Elizabeth gave me this.”

She reached with her free hand behind her and took out something from her back pocket. When she brought it into full view I turned away from it immediately. It was the burned remains of the damned journal. “Get that thing away from me.”

“I think you should see the last page, Cassie,” she urged opening the book that I thought was destroyed.

“No, Audrey,” I pushed the journal away from me; it felt like it was still on fire when I touched it.

“She’s had enough, Audrey,” Zach told her.

“She really needs to see this,” she shot back, kneeling next to me. “This isn’t about him Cassiel.”

I chewed on my lip, and hesitantly opened my eyes to see a piece of paper with uneven black and brown edges where the fire consumed it. There was a short frighten message written in elegant hand writing.

‘Don’t let history repeat itself
-Clara’