I Love Alex Gaskarth

"Put these Cd's up for me would ya, Marcy?" My boss asked me as I rolled my eyes and nodded carrying the box over to the A section of the Cd's.

I placed the box down and opened it. Inside...there it was. I couldn't believe my eyes.

All Time Low Cd's.

I gulped and bit my lip as I closed the box and shook my head slowly. Why is it that everyday something happens to always make me think of Alex? I opened the box up slowly again and took out one of their new Cd's. It said So Wrong, It's Right on the front. Pretty cover. Very decent. It reminded me of summer.

I scanned it under the player and put the big headphones on.

I sighed and flipped it to one of their songs...

Stay Awake

Pretty soon Alex's voice filled the speakers and I couldn't bare it anymore. I yanked the headphones off and threw the CD back into the box. I had to put all of these in there section.

Unbelievable.

"Hey, beautiful." I heard someone whisper in my ear as I jumped and turned around fast.

"Troy! Holy shit! You need to stop doing that." I laughed as he rolled his eyes and reached into the box, pulling out one of Alex's Cd's.

"All Time Low huh?" He smirked, flipping over the case as I rolled my eyes and nodded.

"That's what happens when I work in the music section of Barnes N' Noble. I have to put away Cd's..." I whispered, taking the CD back from him as he stared at me with his crystal blue eyes.

"How you holding up?" He asked me as I shrugged.

"Hard day at work. What do you think?" I chuckled.

He gave me a half smile as I leaned up against the CD shelf. He kissed my cheek and put some of my hair behind my ear, making me blush.

"Spring Break is coming up! And guess what." Troy smiled as a smile played on my lips.

"What?" I laughed.

"We're going to Baltimore." He grinned as my mouth parted slightly.

"Troy, no! You know I don't want to go back there!" I whisper-yelled to him as he cleared his throat.

"Look, I'm going up there with or without your ass. My parent's want to see me! Dude, please come. Don't make me go up there alone." He pleaded as I shook my head slowly and ran my tongue over my teeth.

"Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are those...it might have been." I whispered as he cocked his eyebrow up at me.

"Oh, fuck! Don't get all Shakespeare on my ass!" He yelled as I put my index finger up to my lips to shush him.

"It's not Shakespeare! I got it out of a poetic book by some old ass chick who made it...I think it's a sweet quote." I smiled to myself as Troy rolled his eyes and ran his fingers through his black hair.

"Listen, Miss Emo. You're coming down to Baltimore with me for spring break and that is final." He stomped his foot on the ground as I laughed.

"For one I'm not emo and two look at your ass! You wear eyeliner everyday. And I'm not going, dad." I continued to laugh as I put all of Alex's Cd's on the shelf in there right order.

"Marcy, what is your problem with going to back to Baltimore?" He asked me after a moment of silence as I stared down at All Time Low's Cd.

"They are my problem..." I whispered, showing him the Cd as Troy groaned and walked closer to me as he placed his hands on my shoulders and looked me into the eyes.

"Look, Marcy. You're not going to see them! I bet you twenty bucks they have moved out of Baltimore." Troy said as I rolled my eyes and held out my hand.

"Cough up the money." I smirked as Troy rolled his eyes and let go of my shoulders.

"Come on, Marcy! Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" He said as I shrugged.

"Because I don't want to face the guy who wanted our baby and I wouldn't let him have it because I knew we both weren't ready. I bet that little girl is happy some place else with her new mom and dad. I mean...didn't you think I wasn't quite ready for a kid, Troy?" I asked him as he shrugged and I met his eyes.

"Marcy, I can't be the judge of that." He chuckled.

"I mean I'm responsible it's just...I want to party and I was so young when I got pregnant. It's been two years....and I really regret letting him go and her go and-." Troy cut me off.

"Are you still seeing that baby therapist or whatever the hell she is?" He laughed as I nodded slowly.

"The mother's who gave up their babies are helping me alot. Those meetings make me feel very different. Like everything is going to be okay. Although I regret giving her up...I'm sure Alex is doing fine where ever the fuck he is..." I sighed, staring up at the ceiling as Troy stared at me and silence over came us.

"I bet Alex is regretting it as much as you are." Troy said, breaking the silence as I nodded slowly.

"The last time I saw him was...right after I had her...I never spoke to him after that." I whispered as I felt that lump coming up my throat.

"You must miss him." Troy said as I nodded slowly.

"You don't know how much, Troy." I whispered as tears filled my eyes.

"I thought you hated him for getting you pregnant and spreading your secret and shit." Troy said as I chuckled and wiped my tears away.

"Are you kidding me? Alex made me a better person...I love him." I forced a smile as Troy gave me a look of sympathy.

"Then let's go down to Baltimore and see his ass." Troy smirked as I shook my head.

"I bet he hates me...Or we would've stayed in contact." I sniffed.

"He doesn't hate you! How could he hate you, dude?! That night in the waiting room you should've saw that look in his eyes...he cared alot about you, Marcy." Troy smiled as I shrugged.

"Can we talk about this after work? I need to get some of this done." I chuckled as he nodded slowly and gave me a quick hug.

"Talk to you back at our place!" He called heading out the door as I nodded and sighed.

This is crazy. I can't go down to Baltimore for spring break! I just couldn't!

~

"Whoo! Baltimore here we come!" Troy laughed on the couch as I ate my dinner at our kitchen table.

"I hate you for making me go." I said with a mouth full of noodles as Troy smiled and turned the channel to MTV2 watching Jackass.

"Aw!" Troy fake pouted as I groaned and flipped through my book of poems for young mothers...Yes, I read shit like this because of the guilt I have lived through these past two years.

"Seriously, Marcy? Put the god damn book down and come over here and sit with me! I have to go to work in two hours!" He yelled out as I shrugged.

"Good." I grinned. I liked being alone it didn't faze me any.

"Marcy." Troy whined as I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Fucking bitch." He whispered, folding his arms across his chest as I laughed and forked some more noodles.

"What do you think Alex is doing right now?" I whispered, looking up at him as Troy rolled his eyes.

"Probably fucking some slut or singing with those Douche Bags of his." Troy put on a fake smile as I shrugged and my eyes roamed our small living room.

"I wish I had his number...I'm just so afraid to talk to him again...Ya know? Have you ever had that feeling that you felt like you were going to shit your pants and then suddenly you realized it wasn't as bad as you thought it was?" I said to him as Troy gave me a confused look.

"Huh?" He said.

I laughed.

"I mean like have you ever had that moment where you're scared shitless but then after you do something you realize it's not as bad as you thought it was?" I said as Troy nodded.

"All the damn time." He chuckled.

"Well, that's what it's like...for me." I whispered. "If I ever talk to Alex again."

"Which you will next week when we're back in Baltimore." Troy smiled as I rolled my eyes.

"I really am dreading talking with him though! Do you know how awkward it's going to be?" I said as Troy shrugged.

"Not if you don't make it that way." He replied as I groaned.

"Listen to this poem." I smiled at him as Troy continued to groan as he stuffed his head in the couch pillow.

"I'd rather be a mother
Than anyone on earth -
Bringing up a child or two
Of unpretentious birth.
I'd rather tuck a little child
All safe and sound in bed -
Than twine a chain of diamonds
About my foolish head.
I'd rather wash a smudgy face
With round, bright baby eyes -
Than paint the pageantry of fame,
or walk among the wise."

I smiled as Troy rolled his eyes and looked at me.

"How cute." He forced a smile as I grinned.

"Isn't it?" I smiled, flipping more through the pages.

He nodded as he came over to me and shut the book for me as he threw it over on the couch and sat down in the chair by me.

"Marcy, you gave her up to another person...There is no going back..." He whispered as I felt that lump coming up my throat again.

"I know." I whispered.

"I know if you could you would go back and keep her but she is probably really happy now...And Alex. I bet he is doing just fine on tour and stuff." Troy said as I gulped and forced that dry hard lump down my throat.

"I hope he is. Because if he is going through what I am going through then we need to be going through with this kind of stuff together because it's hard...It's so hard." I sobbed as Troy brought me into a tight hug and I cried onto his shoulder.

"Shh. It's okay, Marcy." He cooed in my ear as I sniffed and tried to dry my tears away.

"It'll be okay." Troy muttered as I gulped and breathed into the crook of his neck.

I sure hoped he was right...