Touching Dust.
un.
I was fifteen when they told me my sister was going to die.
Just knowing was enough. Just looking at her and thinking 'in a few months’ time, I’ll never see you again. Just knowing was enough to push me over the edge.
It didn't come as a shock; we'd all known, I'd known since That Day last September, but it didn't stop me getting down to my knees and enveloping her in a hug far tighter than I thought I was capable of and wondering where it all went wrong.
five hours previous
I’d thought the biggest shock of the day would be to open the door to a gherkin. Usually, I'm prepared for many things, but this was taking it a bit too far.
“I thought you'd like it! I thought it was funny!” Eddie’s eyes clouded with panic when I enquired. A shadow of pity crossed my heart in the way it always does when he looks unhappy.
"Oh, Eddie... Are you going to get changed?" I asked gently, thinking it was probably for the better. He, evidently, didn't think it was
"What's wrong with this?" He said indignantly, plucking weakly at the sides of the overstuffed green fabric., Usually, looking at a gherkin is something I try to avoid, but to see a six and a half foot one with my best friend's face lurking about in the middle of it was a horror I never thought I'd have to experience.
I gave him one more once over, thinking that just as long as he stayed in the dark and under no circumstances approached someone he didn't know, we'd be okay. If the worst came to the worst, I could always pretend I didn't know him.
I shook my head. “Nothing. You look fine, babe.” I was out the door with my bag in one hand and an overgrown member of the pickle family on the other before I could change my mind.
“But what are you meant to be, Di?” he asked halfway down my road, looking warily at my too big jumper. I looked down self consciously.
Granted, my costume didn't look anything like a cat. I'm not one of these girls that dresses entirely in leather lingerie with some form of animal ears, it just looks like I walked through Dad's wardrobe trailing Velcro and stuck some ears in my hair. Which is pretty much what I did, and in the light of day, it didn't look half as good as I thought it would.
“I'm Alice in Wonderland's cat. That is why I have a tail.”
Eddie, in typically Eddie fashion, had sensed my worry and gave me a pat on the back. “Di, you could look pretty in a binbag. You look pretty as a cat. You'd look pretty in anything.”
I touched his arm lightly. “Thankyou, Eddie.”
“It’s no problem. It’s not a lie, either, Dinah. You’re beautiful.”
“And to think just a moment ago I had you down as gay” I teased lightly. He gave me a limp wristed slap and said “Takes one to know one” in a truly atrocious camp voice that caused a man walking his dog to turn and give us an odd look. I had to bite down on a gloved hand to stop myself laughing..
But that was then.
Just knowing was enough. Just looking at her and thinking 'in a few months’ time, I’ll never see you again. Just knowing was enough to push me over the edge.
It didn't come as a shock; we'd all known, I'd known since That Day last September, but it didn't stop me getting down to my knees and enveloping her in a hug far tighter than I thought I was capable of and wondering where it all went wrong.
five hours previous
I’d thought the biggest shock of the day would be to open the door to a gherkin. Usually, I'm prepared for many things, but this was taking it a bit too far.
“I thought you'd like it! I thought it was funny!” Eddie’s eyes clouded with panic when I enquired. A shadow of pity crossed my heart in the way it always does when he looks unhappy.
"Oh, Eddie... Are you going to get changed?" I asked gently, thinking it was probably for the better. He, evidently, didn't think it was
"What's wrong with this?" He said indignantly, plucking weakly at the sides of the overstuffed green fabric., Usually, looking at a gherkin is something I try to avoid, but to see a six and a half foot one with my best friend's face lurking about in the middle of it was a horror I never thought I'd have to experience.
I gave him one more once over, thinking that just as long as he stayed in the dark and under no circumstances approached someone he didn't know, we'd be okay. If the worst came to the worst, I could always pretend I didn't know him.
I shook my head. “Nothing. You look fine, babe.” I was out the door with my bag in one hand and an overgrown member of the pickle family on the other before I could change my mind.
“But what are you meant to be, Di?” he asked halfway down my road, looking warily at my too big jumper. I looked down self consciously.
Granted, my costume didn't look anything like a cat. I'm not one of these girls that dresses entirely in leather lingerie with some form of animal ears, it just looks like I walked through Dad's wardrobe trailing Velcro and stuck some ears in my hair. Which is pretty much what I did, and in the light of day, it didn't look half as good as I thought it would.
“I'm Alice in Wonderland's cat. That is why I have a tail.”
Eddie, in typically Eddie fashion, had sensed my worry and gave me a pat on the back. “Di, you could look pretty in a binbag. You look pretty as a cat. You'd look pretty in anything.”
I touched his arm lightly. “Thankyou, Eddie.”
“It’s no problem. It’s not a lie, either, Dinah. You’re beautiful.”
“And to think just a moment ago I had you down as gay” I teased lightly. He gave me a limp wristed slap and said “Takes one to know one” in a truly atrocious camp voice that caused a man walking his dog to turn and give us an odd look. I had to bite down on a gloved hand to stop myself laughing..
But that was then.