Perfect Has Lost It's Meaning

I felt my heart beginning to race, the adrenalin rush that followed my panic. Where the hell was I? I bit my lip as I tried to stand up; pain covered every inch of my body.

My clothing was on me, slightly ruined and drenched though. I looked around talking in my surroundings. I was in between two different houses. Where those houses were was a mystery.

I stepped onto the side of the road and began to walk, almost wincing with every step. I felt around in the back pocket of my pants. My cell was still there. I hoped to God that it worked; it was my only life line. Turning it on I silently thanked whatever force was on my side.

Quickly, and shakily, I dialled Martins number.

“Hello? Jane?” I almost burst into tears upon hearing the sound of my long-term boyfriends voice.

“Martin?” I replied into the phone trying my best not to let my voice break. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Okay.” The tone changed; he was worried. “Where are you?”

“I…I…Don’t know.” I answered and began to cry.

*~**~*

A couple of weeks had passed, and I still hadn’t remembered that night, but thankfully, I hadn’t seen or heard from that guy.

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. When Martin had come to pick me up, thankfully he didn’t question much. That’s what I love about him, he knows when to not question.

Whatever I did, I couldn’t remember that night. It was like that guy used and eraser after he finished what he did to me, and wiped my memory clean. If only he could have went a little further back, before I even arrived at the bar. At least then I wouldn’t have that horrible thought in my head.

I sat up, shaking my head. Jane, get that thought out of your head, I thought to myself, You’re perfectly fine.

As if on cue, I felt my stomach lurch, a twisted feeling of nauseous. I put my hand other my mouth, pulled my blanket off of me and ran into the bathroom, to do something that not one likes doing.

I shakily sat back on my bed once the nausea left. A disgusting taste left behind as I though, I just had the flu right? Nothing more, nothing less.

What day was it? I walked over to my calendar, April Thirteenth. I thought back for a moment, counting days in my head.

April Thirteenth. I had been over a month. My period was late, I shook my head again. Trying not to image what I new I should be thinking.

I was not pregnant, there was no way. I looked over at the clock, 10:30 am. There was no harm in going to the store, and getting a test right? Just to be safe.

Quickly getting dressed, I put on a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and a light green jacket. The weather was nice out so I decided to walk. Walking usually got my mind off of things.

I breathed slowly as I walked; using the yoga techniques I learnt from a class I take.

By the time I entered the store I was feeling calm and level headed. I walked into the store, and bought what I needed to buy. I almost felt like I was going to be okay, boy was I wrong.

*~*~*

My eyes grew wide. I was in fact, pregnant. Tears began to fall, streaming down my face. Crying seemed to be something I did a lot lately.

Martin and I hadn’t spent the night together in a while, which meant that what happened that night was… I quickly hit myself in the head. Don’t think that Jane! I scolded towards my straying thoughts.

No… My mind once again, began to betray me. Was I…?

I was raped. That man that night raped me. I bit my lip as I began to sob. How could this happen? Why me?.

The dawning thought hurt more than anything. My tears momentarily stopped, how was I going to tell Martin? It would break his heart. Then, as if some god of schemes hit me over the head with a hammer it came to me. I had to lie to him. I would have to tell him that the baby was his.

That was what I had to do. That was how I would keep my life perfect.