If You Knew

Ugh.. What time is it..?

Zacky forced his eyes open and looked around the room. He felt tired, he felt horrible. He knew he looked horrible. Remembering last night's events brought fresh tears to his eyes and the stinging on his forehead reminded him of the wound that needed cleaning.

He was late for work, he knew he was. But he didn't want to go today. He didn't want to go back ever. What was the point anyway? Brian found out his secret.. He had no reason to hide from anyone else. His rent was due yesterday and he'd have another week to pay. That left him 7 more days in a sheltered area. He felt completely at lost and just gave up. He'd just live his older life- scrounging the streets.

Slowly, Zacky got up, his joints all aching. He walked to the bathroom and reluctantly took a look in the mirror.

Dried blood, swollen, red eyes, messy hair, pale complexion- he looked disgusting. He decided to take a shower first, enduring the pain on his forehead as the hot water hit his wound. After the quick shower and after brushing his teeth, he set to work on the ugly cut.

It hurt. A lot. He never liked getting any kind of injury. Nursing it was always a drag. The stinging, blood, and smell of alcohol were all big no-no's to Zacky. Plus he was out of bandaids. Wonderful.

Truthfully, the way his morale and self esteem dropped so drastically scared him a bit. What was he gonna do now? Was he going to get himself killed? Maybe not. He knew how to avoid fights with the bigger wolves by just taking different routes. So he'd okay be okay.. He hoped.

His stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten in more than several hours. He had some food left. Leftovers weren't so bad..

After eating, he realized he had nothing to do. He couldn't change his mind about work since his boss would have fired him by now. There was a waiting list of people who needed jobs. Employees that were late were usually fired first. Plus, Brian had told him that they had better not meet again in the streets....

Brian..

Trying not to make too much noise, although he didn't see the point in doing so, Zacky changed into a puppy to crawl into something to make himself feel at least a little bit better. His ears were all droopy and his fur didn't look so nice- the two major indications of the condition of any werewolf.

He wanted to crawl into his bag again, but it just didn't feel right. Into the pillowcase he went.

For the next few hours, Zacky camped out in the pillow case, drifting in and out of sleep. His bottom felt cold, though, since he had been too lazy to wriggle all the way in; his little tail was sticking out.

Noo, this sucks..! Stupid tail..

Whatever. He wouldn't die of a frozen butt.

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Ten days passed.

Zacky left his apartment with the remainder of his money and his trusty bag with only a few extra clothes and some food that had run out a long time ago.

Before leaving, he discovered that he had Brian's shirt. If anything, the shirt was what he took care of the most. He didn't care of he got robbed of everything.. He just needed that shirt to be with him at all times.

He slept in that shirt. He'd find a good hiding place, change forms, crawl inside, then fall asleep, reminiscing about Brian.

He ate less. He slept less. But he cried a lot more. He tried not to, but couldn't help it. Yeah, he felt weak. He felt pretty pathetic and a bit dumb, but he was always a sensitive person. He didn't like crying, not one bit. He wished were stronger.. He wished he wasn't a halfling. He wished he was good enough for Brian..

Yesterday. Was it yesterday? Maybe it was the day before that. But Zacky was sniffing around for anything edible. And he smelled a familiar, comforting smell. It was Brian.

He was with another girl.

The couple caught sight of Zacky and the girl gushed on about how cute he was. She tried to step forward to pet him, but Zacky recoiled away from her.

"Aw, he's afraid of me." she pouted.

Brian shrugged. "I don't think you should touch him."

That hurt, but Zacky couldn't move. He missed Brian so much, and although he was probably going to end up feeling even more depressed, he couldn't stay away from him.

"Why not?" the girl asked.

He scoffed in reply. "Look at him. He looks so dirty. I bet you he's full weird diseases."

But the girl frowned, but agreed. "I guess you're right, Bri.."

Then the two walked right past him. Zacky heard what Brian said. He called him a stupid mutt. And that was it. He ran back to where his stuff was and buried himself in Brian's old shirt, now tattered, and changed to human for the moment. He desperately searched for Brian's smell, but of course by that time it was gone. Why did he have to be a mutt? Why couldn't he be normal? Why wasn't he good enough?

Today.. it was today that Zacky saw Brian again.

He was eating someone's leftover food. It didn't taste very good, but he was starved. He was lucky he had even managed to find it. Zacky was injured badly. The bigger wolves found him and roughed him up a bit. He was bitten and hurled at walls. He was almost broken in half. He knew all his wounds were going to get infected. Maybe that would be how he died..

But anyway.. he was too busy eating, to notice Brian. If he had known, he would have left the food and run the other way. But he was much too hungry for that. It was when he heard someone's footsteps when he turned around.

Startled by his presence, Zacky jumped. His ears immediately dropped down more, and his tail hung low between his legs. He was shaking as he looked up at the taller man in fear.

Brian.. Brian looked stunned, too. Was it because of how beaten Zacky looked?

The two stared at each other for several moments, before Brian broke the silence. "Zack.. What.. What the fuck happened to you?!"

Zacky didn't answer back, of course. There was no way in hell he was going to change either. He didn't want Brian throwing pieces of furniture at him again.

When Brian took a step forward, Zacky bolted. His stuff were in the other direction, but he'd just have to take the longer way and go around the block. Running hurt. He wasn't able to last very long, but it was long enough for him to get out of Brian's sight. He collapsed right where he was and panted heavily, trying to recover. He involuntarily let out whimpers of pain and hoped that no one would hear..

After maybe an hour, he hesitantly got back up and limped the rest of the way back. It didn't take too long.. It just hurt.

He realized when he got back that there was no point in carrying around his stuff. He rarely changed forms and all he needed was that shirt.. The baseball? He lost that the first day he was kicked out of his apartment. It was stolen by a wolf who only threatened him a bit before leaving him alone.

Picking up the shirt in his mouth, Zacky looked back at all his belongings for a final time before deciding to go on. It was weird. It was just a bag with some shabby clothes in it, but he felt like he was leaving more than that behind. And he felt sad.

Zacky didn't know where he was going to next. He just went wherever, stayed wherever, slept wherever. But he really wanted something for his wounds, though. He'd give up a couple days' worth of food to be bandaged up properly.. He was hurting so bad.

Water.. Some water would be nice.. He was thirty. He had been drinking from anything, too. So he found himself a puddle and timidly lapped at the water. He may have been drinking and eating unsanitary things, but it didn't mean he was used to it. He didn't mind drinking rain, though.. But it didn't look like it was going to be raining soon. That sucked.

When he heard footsteps again, he jumped and whirled around but only saw that it was a stranger, taking a walk or something. He breathed out in relief and continued to drink until he was satisfied.. Well as satisfied as he could get with that, that is.

Picking up his shirt once again, Zacky found another alleyway, found a little corner, and crawled into the shirt.. And tried to get some sleep.