Harder Than You Know

She didn't hate him. She couldn't.

It was the fear that kept her away. That raw, cold feeling she got whenever she caught sight of him. The memories of the bloodshed and chaos..

It wasn't that she liked doing this, either. All she wanted was for things to go back to normal. For her to be able to see Zacky as the kindest, gentlest man she had the luck to meet. Not the.. monster she had witnessed two weeks ago.

And it didn't help when she learned about him, either. How he was a just a young adult, at the height of his life, when he was bitten and left for dead. How he had lost his mind trying to adjust to his new body. How he used to kill for fun, for the thrill.

"He just.. didn't have anyone there for him like the rest of us did." Lacey had told her. "Matt and Jimmy had each other and they were there for Johnny and Brian. And in turn, the guys were there for the girls, too. Zacky had to wake up alone, trying to figure out what had happened. You can't blame him. It's really hard when you get turned. You get a sudden need for a companion, not necessarily a lover, to just fill in the void of losing your old life.."

Ari could only nod as she processed the information. Lacey continued.

"He was a mess when Brian and Johnny found him. They almost got killed themselves, actually. It took a really long time to get him to think rationally again. But when he did, they found out he had an amazing skill in persuading anyone to comply with whatever he, or the business, needed. This was a really long time ago, by the way."

"I never found out what the business was.."

Lacey laughed lightly. "The guys own public pubs and casinos. The people they usually at parties with have their own branch of restaurants or malls or whatever."

Another nod and Lacey went on. "Anyway, things were really looking up for Zacky, especially after he met Gena. I know Val insists that he was never into her and all that, and I hate saying this myself, but he really thought he was in love with her. He didn't exactly treat her the way he treats you, but he thought the relationship was serious."

"It wasn't serious?" Ari asked, already feeling a bit jealous.

"To him it was," Lacey said. "Gena just pretended for the money and power. But when she was caught cheating.. shit happened, but we managed to calm him down."

"..What happened?"

"Well to put it lightly, he almost lost it again until we told him she wasn't worth his trouble.. And he was always on edge, moody, and everything. and it was pretty tense for a while but he started having dreams about you, you special thing. So stop feeling so jealous."

Ari felt her cheeks heat up and she stammered, "H-How did you know?"

"Female intuition, dearie. Its heightened for vampires." Lacey grinned. "No need to be embarrassed. I totally understand."

With Lacey giggling at Ari's blushing, the two girls decided to go grab a snack when they ran into Zacky in the hallway.

Ari stopped in her tracks and froze as Zacky, also dumbfounded, could only stare. The color in her cheeks left and she instinctively took a step backwards as Zacky tried to get nearer to her.

"Ari.. Don't.." he said weakly, staying in place. Lacey was at a loss for words as she tried to figure out what to do.

"He won't hurt you, sweetie." Lacey said to Ari gently. "No need to be afraid."

When Zacky took another step forward, Ari whipped around and hurried back to the guest room, which was where she was currently staying in. She heard Zacky sigh before she slammed the door shut behind her and slid down onto the floor, burying her face in her knees.

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Zacky tried. He tried his damn hardest. But he wasn't going anywhere. Ari was too scared and no matter how much the others tried to help, he just wasn't making any progress. As frustrated as he was, he refused to give up. He wasn't going to loser her, he couldn't lose her.

Perhaps his appearance intimidated her a bit, too. The lack of sleep, lack of food, depression-- it all took a toll on his body. He grew paler, a bit thinner, and had bags under his faded green eyes. He was constantly angry or sad, frustrated or bitter, moody or gloomy.

Every time he tried to do something nice, Ari would run away. She went out of her way to avoid him and he went out of his just to try and catch a fucking glimpse of her. He missed her and he was just about ready to snap again.

But he was holding himself back. He couldn't do that. He couldn't scare her more. He needed to fix this and fix it as soon as possible.

The fact he was slowly losing hope didn't do a thing to help. Bit by bit, he would feel himself falling deeper and deeper into a hole he had dug himself. He couldn't do anything to release his pent up feelings and the more he grew agitated, the more he wanted to give up.

But that would mean that whoever was behind all this would win. More importantly, it would mean he could lose Aria for good. He had to go through so much shit to find her and he was going to have to go through more to get her back.

It'd be worth it, though right? When she was back in his arms? When she stopped being afraid?

It would be worth it..

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"Drinking yourself into oblivion every night will not help you get rid of your problems, Zachary. You need to confront her sooner or later and the sooner the better. She's growing more and more weary for you with each day. Wait a bit longer and she'll be gone."

Zacky groaned. "Matt, it's too early for this shit. And I'm hungover."

"No shit you're hungover. How the hell do you think I feel? I had to drag your fat ass all the way back here." Matt replied, rolling his eyes.

"Well you had Val to take care of you didn't you?" Zacky mumbled back, running his hands through his hair and grimacing as he realized he needed a shower. Badly.

Matt's gaze softened as he saw his friend in a different light. Zacky was.. lonely like before. Only this time he was sure it was a lot worse. Sure Leanna had offered to take care of Zacky, but Matt knew it wasn't the same. Leanna wasn't quiet like Ari. She was a great person, yeah, but Zacky yearned for Aria's patient demeanor and gentle attitude. And her voice and her smell..

"We'll all been trying to help, Zack." Matt finally said. "Get yourself cleaned up first. No more drinking like this from now on-- you're scaring her more."

"I am?" he said in a small voice.

"She still notices you, you know. She asks me sometimes, if you're too hungover or if you got home alright. Stop worrying her."

Zacky merely nodded and told Matt he would take a shower and meet him outside. Matt said that he would ask Val to prepare brunch and that they would discuss a plan of some sort to get Aria to stop feeling so afraid.

"Take your time." Matt said before leaving.

"Thanks.." Zacky muttered back. As Matt opened the door momentarily to get out, Zacky caught a glimpse of Aria, who was curiously looking in. When they made eye contact, though, she quickly scurried away.

This was going to be a lot harder than he thought.

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Distress. Fear. Alone.

Zacky opened his eyes, coming back to reality. He had been trying to read Ari's emotions, and it shouldn't have been such a hard thing to do. But she was blocking him off subconsciously. It sucked.

He felt mentally exhausted after the ten minute ordeal. Lying down on his bed, he closed his eyes, trying to get some rest. It was getting late, anyway. Matt and Val couldn't really think of a good plan. He spent his day trying to think of something himself, but came up with nothing.

As he was about to fall asleep, he was jolted awake by a sudden feeling of terror that rose in him. Realizing it was Aria, he jumped out of bed and rushed to where she was sleeping.

"Ari.. Darling, wake up." he whispered urgently, gently shaking her. She was crying and shaking so he brought her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her trembling form. In the moonlight he could faintly see the bruises that still covered her neck.

In a few minutes, her eyes fluttered opened, and Zacky sighed in relief. Ari, however, seeing Zacky so near her, panicked and flinched away from his grasp, trying to hide in the corner of the bed.

"Aria.." he pleaded in a strained voice. "Don't be afraid.."

Tears soon fell from her eyes as she struggled to try to say something. Her breathing came out in gasps and Zacky ran a hand through his hair, utterly disappointed.

"Right.. Sorry.." he mumbled, dejectedly walking out of the room. He went to Leanna and apologized for waking her up before telling her what had happened. Jimmy slept through the whole thing.

"Oh, Zacky." Leanna sighed as they talked in the hall way quietly. "I'm sorry. I'll go talk to her, alright? Go get some sleep."

He only nodded before saying, "Hey.. Sorry, again, for waking you up.. And.. thanks."

She gave him a reassuring smile before they both bade each other good night and parted ways.

Gently opening the door, Leanna peered in to see Ari was far from asleep.

"Hey, hun." she said, walking inside. She sat down next to the still crying girl and pulled her into a hug. "You shouldn't be so afraid you know.. Zacky could never hurt you."

Ari choked out, "H-He did.. In my-my dream.."

Leanna frowned at this. Dreams like that were taken pretty seriously. But she honestly didn't think Zacky would hurt Ari. He couldn't. She had the feeling the dream was implanted somehow.. But she wasn't sure.

"He misses you, Ari." Leanna whispered. "And I know you miss him, too."

"I want thinks t-to go back to n-normal.." Aria sniffled. "Why is-is this happening?"

"I..I wish I could tell you, sweetie, I really do.." Leanna murmured, soothingly stroking Ari's hair.

It didn't take very long for Ari to fall back asleep. Figuring Zacky wasn't sleeping, Leanna crept to his room to see that her suspicions were right.

"We need to talk." she said to him. "Ari's had a bad dream."

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"Is all this necessary?" Ari said into the darkness softly, eyes unable to adjust. "I hate being in the dark like this.." She didn't like being taken out of bed at midnight, either.

"It's just for a little while, Ari." she heard Matt's voice. "It all depends on you."

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked with a frown. This was Zacky's room and he was bound to come back soon. The thought made her anxious, but although she didn't know it, Zacky was with Matt, silently watching, holding himself back from running to Ari.

"Close your eyes, Aria." Matt said gently. She did as she was told and heard, "Now try to remember.."

"Remember what?"

"Remember your nightmare, Ari? The one where Zacky hurt you?"

Zacky clenched his fist and slowly took a deep breath.

"I-I don't want to r-remember.."

Prior to this, Ari was given some water, which contained a drug that made her more inclined to obey directions. There weren't any side effects, and it gave Matt just enough time to figure out what her dream was about.

"You have to, or this won't work.. You have to.."

The only sounds in the next few minutes were Ari's whimpers and gasps. She stammered out, "Matt, he's going to.. He's going to get me.."

"Who is?"

"Zacky is.. Zacky's going to- going to hurt me.."

"Look at his face, Ari."

"I-I can't--"

"Look at his face."

Ari gasped and suddenly remained silent. There was absolutely no noise now, except for breathing.

In a much quieter voice, Matt asked, "Who's hurting you?"

It took several minutes for her to answer. Before she did, she let out a scream before crying, "Oh.. Oh god.. It's not Zacky.. It-it's someone else.. H-he's going t-to get me.. It-it's not Zack.. Zacky help me! Zacky! Zacky.. I-I want Zacky.."

"Who is it, Ari? Describe him to me."

"R-red eyes..." she gasped out

"Red eyes? Ari--"

"Zacky help.."

Matt had to hold Zacky back from running towards her, Matt clamped his hand over Zacky's mouth. "Tell me more, Ari."

"It hurts," she gasped. "It hurts-- Zacky! Please.. I..I want him.."

Realizing he wouldn't be able to get more information, Matt let go of Zacky who ran to scoop Ari in his arms. "Wake up, darling.." he said. "Wake up now.. It's okay.."

Her eyes snapped opened, and she froze upon seeing Zacky, who apprehensively watched for her next move. Relief flooded his body when she threw his arms around him and sobbed into his chest.

"Ari.."

Matt silently left the room, turning the lights on on his way out.

Shaking violently, Ari continued to cry while Zacky soothingly rubbed her back. "I-I'm sorry, Z-Zacky.. I'm so s-sorry.."

"For what, baby? You didn't do anything wrong." he said gently, kissing the top of her head.

"F-for being afraid of you.. A-and avoiding you all the t-time.. I-I shouldn't have been doing that.. But you were still so nice to m-me and you n-never got mad and-and.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.." she pressed herself against him more, trying to get as close to him as possible.

"It's alright, darling. I would have been worried if you weren't afraid." he joked, trying to get her to stop crying. Seeing as it didn't work, he lifted her chin up, and pressed his forehead against hers. "You don't have to be sorry, Ari." he whispered. "Don't feel bad anymore.. It's all in the past."

"But.."

"No buts. Calm down, now, sweetie. Things will be alright.. I'm here.."

Ari buried her face in Zacky's neck again, nodding. She gripped his shirt, as she said quietly, "I missed you a lot.."

Zacky couldn't help the smile forming on his lips. "I missed you, too, sweetie. More than you can imagine."

"S-sorry.. again.."

"Stop apologizing, doll. It's alright, really." he reassured her, kissing her on the head again.

"I can't help but feel bad.." Ari whispered. "I feel horrible.."

Zacky took Ari's hand and placed a kiss on it before mumbling against it, "You're too nice for your own good, Ari darling." He cupped her face and stroked her cheeks, which were still wet from tears. "I hate seeing you so sad."

Ari wiped her tears away to the best of her extent before resting her head on Zacky's chest.

"You're tired," he said, to which she nodded. "Go to sleep."

Zacky and Ari got under the covers and she cuddled up against his side and sighed in content. They stayed like that for the next few minutes, with Ari slowly falling asleep.

Just as she was about to fall asleep, however, Zacky broke the silence.

"You forgot my good night kiss, Ari."